Just need to vent a little.....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by JKF, Jul 28, 2014.

  1. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    We got back on Friday from a wonderful, peaceful vacation! It was pure bliss! I seriously did not want to leave. As soon as we got into the car to head home my headaches and nausea began again. My constant anxiety is back. I feel dizzy and tired. It's been nonstop since.

    I'm under a lot of stress. difficult child has been trying to contact me. I haven't been in contact with him but he's always right there in the back of my mind no matter what. It's like he's the boogeyman and I can't escape him even in my dreams. To add even more to my stress, I'll be out of a job come September 1st. My boss died in February and the company is closing. I've been looking for a job but there's not much out there. My co-worker and I were going to start a small marketing & design firm but she's backing out because she's scared. Whatever. I'm pretty angry at her because one of the reasons I've stayed here at this job after my boss died is because that was our plan when this place closed the doors. I'm super stressed at the prospect of not having a job and even more stressed about finding and starting a new job that I won't like. My goal is not to have just a job but a career doing something I love. That's easier said than done especially when there are bills to pay. I know I can go on unemployment (for the 1st time ever in my life) but it's not going to be enough to cover our bills. We can barely pay our bills now as it is and although we have a nice home we live pretty frugally. We both drive late model cars and don't splurge on extravagances often. We really do work so hard to have so little. It's weighing on me pretty heavily lately. I also have some health issues that I need to address. I need to lose some weight and start eating healthy. I need to start exercising. I need to stop being so stressed all the time. Ugggggh!!!

    I seriously feel like I could crawl out of my skin! There are so many things I want to change in my life and right now it all seems so overwhelming. I don't even know where to start. I feel like crying right about now.

    I found this saying on Facebook earlier and I printed it out but I thought I'd share it here too. I find that after reading it each time I feel a little more peaceful.

    Make the best of where you are... Accept the situation you find yourself in and use it as a foundation on which you can build the life you are dreaming of. Spend more time doing the things that you truly love to do, with the people you cherish. Value each moment of your life, appreciate it as a precious gift and remember that you never know how much time you have left. Don’t allow your life to be dominated by fear or worry, but instead have the courage to stand up and take a risk. Learn to be happy with what you already have, instead of making your happiness dependent on external influences, such as wealth and material things. Have compassion for others and see if you can give something back, by creating a value for others. Allow your creativity to flow, see where it leads you and never allow excuses to stand between you and the life you aspire.

    Anyway, sorry for the long rambling post about nothing but I really needed to vent and although it's not necessarily all about difficult child he's definitely part of my worries. Thank you all for being here when I need support. I don't know what I'd do without you all!
     
  2. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    I don't know if this will help you or not, but I do about the same thing when I return from a vacation -- OK, enough relaxation, time to get shipshape around here! Oh, and I do the same thing BEFORE I go on vacation too, now that I think about it. So I pretty much guarantee myself a vacation hangover.

    Take a deep breath, or many. Go to your happy place in your head, maybe that spot on the shore last week?

    The job issue is not the end of this week, it is 2-1/2 months away. You have time.

    You don't need to get into the best shape of your life right now. Start small, do that for a couple of weeks, then add another one. Or don't start at all right now. Let things settle.

    Make a list of things to do, and do them one at a time. If they don't get done today, no biggie. They go on tomorrow's list. For today you have given yourself some structure.

    It's all good, JKF. It doesn't have to get done today.
     
  3. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    You are beginning a new phase of life. It can be the start of something truly exciting. The unknown can be a bit scary.
    I too am at a crossroads in my life. I have always wanted to live in Austin, and now I really have no reason not to move.
    I really want too but the unknown keeps me rooted to a city that I have out grown. I was in Austin yesterday and I just wanted to kick myself in the butt for not just doing it. if I wait much longer, the only move that I will be making is to a nursing home.
     
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  4. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    I did a little gardening this afternoon and that helped me calm down some. My vegetable garden is a beast this year! So much produce! It's like I have my very own farmers market in my backyard :) Last year it was horrible and didn't do well at all but my husband tilled in ash from the wood stove and also grass clippings and leaves during the fall and spring and I have to say this year is the best it's been in many many years! I guess sometimes it's the little things and I have to stop and enjoy those moments instead of constantly thinking of the whole big picture.

    So yeah - I'm definitely at a crossroads in my life pasa and that freaks me out. I'm not a fan of the unknown! But then I look back and remember other times I've experienced this and how I've grown stronger and how my life has always changed for the better each and every time. I'm going to take it day by day. I'm going to take your advice Alba and make a list of reasonable goals I want to accomplish each day. I'll start small and go from there. One step at a time.....


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    Last edited: Jul 28, 2014
  5. SeekingStrength

    SeekingStrength Well-Known Member

    JFK,

    Your last post was a feel-good because you know you will be even stronger and life will be better.

    And, I am most happy for your garden. I realize this is not a gardening forum, but I appreciate the ideas. (Maybe my garden needs ashes. I think it has too much nitrogen this year)....A garden like yours is definitely something to smile about!

    Stay close. Glad you got a good vacation in.

    SS
     
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  6. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    husband and I are in the process of finding out some good or bad news with his work. He will either be forced to retire at 20 years or get the chance to be promoted. Even if husband makes it through this round of forced cuts he might not make it through the next one. SOOOOOO that plan to retire in 5-6 years may now be a plan to retire in 18 months. It sounds like a long time but at the same time it will be a huge cut in pay for us and a huge change of lifestyle. We really like it where we are right now but if the jobs aren't here then neither are we.

    I had a mini breakdown last night realizing exactly how much of a paycut we would take. Most people dont realize it but when you are in the military you get your pay plus a housing allowance. That housing allowance is pretty generous at husband's rank. Once he retires we wont get that allowance and we will only get a percentage of his pay. That means either I or husband have to make up the difference. I know he will go back to work since he will only be in his 40's but I would rather he get a job he enjoys instead of a job that makes a ton of money and a ton of stress. I figure after years in the military and deployments he deserves to take it easy, work regular hours, and enjoy the roses. LOL He would probably hate every minute of it since he loves working but in my mind its what he deserves. I want to spoil him a bit. HEHE

    OOOPS I just hijacked your thread....

    Point is I completely understand your anxiety.
     
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  7. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    dstc - hijack away! It's so good to vent sometimes so get it out when you can! I hate the stress that money (or the lack thereof) brings. My husband and I never fight about it bc we are on the same page but it's sooooo stressful to work work work just to pay bills! I'm sorry you're stressing too and I'm wishing the very best for you and your husband!




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  8. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    I understand too. I work for state government and every election, if the governors changes, we don't know what will happen with our jobs. ( Husband also works for the state. ). I've purposely avoided promotion to better my chances of longevity. Good thing too, as our last governor cleaned house right down to my immediate supervisor. So I've also looked at our finances and decided where we would cut corners if it happened. It's scary. Hard as it is, try to be positive. Hang in there!

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  9. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    It's the little things that make life wonderful and it's the little things that drive us nuts, JKF.

    First about your job...I am in the same field as you are. I hire graphic designers all the time to do work for me. You are in such demand!

    Everything is about graphics (as you well know) and visuals and photos and showing, not telling---we words people are left in the dust...: )

    But in all seriousness, consider hanging out your own shingle, working out of your home, and doing your own thing. We can PM about ideas if you'd like.

    You can do it. I have three graphic designers I work with who all work out of their homes and have a great business.

    What a great and scary thing to be at a crossroads. And who doesn't need to lose weight, eat healthier and deal with their difficult children better? We're all in this together, JKF.

    I must quit eating leftover birthday cake and birthday cake ice cream! I sent the rest of the cake home tonight with our priest who has been coming to do our premarital counseling. Let him get fatter! : )

    You are going to be fine. We're all here for you. Hang in there, do some more weed therapy, and then...scrub the kitchen floor. I did it Saturday and it helped.

    Warm hugs.
     
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  10. Echolette

    Echolette Well-Known Member

    I cleaned out the fish pond. Which was quite gross. but helped.
     
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  11. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Everyone has given you wonderful advice and support JKF.

    Just want you to know I am reading along and as always, sending you warm thoughts and lots of hugs............

    Transitions are good, a little scary, ultimately positive. In letting go of difficult child as you have, you opened a lot of space and now YOU get to fill it up with what YOU want. Enjoy the process.

    I recall reading a quote attributed to Buddha......."the only difference between fear and excitement is BREATH." Remember to take deep breaths..........
     
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  12. nlj

    nlj Well-Known Member

    Could you not start a marketing business alone? Going into business with someone else can have downsides , the main point about being self-employed is that you have the autonomy to run and develop the business as you want to and are not reliant on someone else or answerable to someone else. If you thought a business was viable to set up with a colleague, then it's viable for you to do alone. I worked as a teacher in schools for many years and then worked as a lecturer in a college for ten years. Following illness (a ruptured ectopic pregnancy) I felt unable to continue. The thought of not being employed was so scary, but I had often thought of becoming self-employed and it pushed me into doing it. I'm now a self-employed private maths tutor. I can work as much or as little as I like and have total control over my working life. There is huge demand for private maths tuition in the UK as our school education system is so poor. I would suggest that you could use these few months to research your possible customer base and other elements of running your own business. What will happen to the customers of your current employer when the company folds? It's frightening to become self-employed at first, but I would say "go for it", there are so many advantages.
     
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  13. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    I've actually been considering that for a long time now COM. I think everything with difficult child kind of prevented me from being clear minded enough to run my own business but I really think I'm ready at this point. I would love to PM with you about ideas.

    I'm really leaning towards this Lucy. I don't want to have to answer to anyone but myself at this point in my life.

    I love this! This describes me to a "t" right now. I'm terrified of being unemployed but I've wanted to be self-employed for a LONG time now and this situation is going to be the push I need!


    Thank you! You're right. It's scary but it a part of life and a part of the growing process. I'm in a bit of a better frame of mind this morning. I did a lot of thinking last night and after reading your posts of encouragement I've decided that I'm going to do this! I'm going to set up shop at home and work from there. I'm talented, smart, and have a pretty level head. I just need the faith in myself to grow a bit more. I'm going to take it one step at a time and go from there!

    And I LOVE that we're all in this together. I don't know what I'd do without all of you! Thanks so much for the support and encouragement in this next phase of my life. Many many big hugs to you all!!!!!
     
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  14. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    Good for you, JKF! How exciting!
     
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  15. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Congratulations! And, you have us, your cheering section, a bunch of somewhat ragged, a bit frayed around the edges cheerleaders to support you into this next phase of your life! YAY for you JKF, a brave move and one you can absolutely do.......:triumphant:
     
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  16. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    I wouldn't have it ANY other way!!!! :) :) :)
     
  17. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    My friend and neighbor started her own business after being laid off. She is a virtual para-legal. Her business is BOOMING. Best thing she ever did for herself!! On the other hand, she is ALWAYS working...
     
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  18. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    I love this site.

    Wishing you every success, JKF!

    Cedar
     
  19. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    I wouldn't mind always working. I actually love what I do and often the hours go by in a blur. And I feel like working from home will be the perfect fit especially when easy child goes back to school. I say right now the more work the better! LOL

    Thank you so much Cedar! I'm so excited and I've started looking for small freelance jobs to get started with while I'm still working at my current job. I'm also doing some fun creative pieces to add to my portfolio since I've basically been doing ads and brochures for a used equipment magazine for the last 5 years. Not too much creativity in that industry! lol
     
  20. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have faith that you can do this from home. I wanted to learn how to do some of that type of thing on my own a few years ago but now I dont feel smart enough to go through it all. You werent here I dont think but I almost died from meningitis in 08 and it took a toll on my brain. who would of thunk that being in a coma for 3 weeks would lower my IQ? LOL
     
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