Shari
IsItFridayYet?
Steely,
***
Many hugs. Your pain breaks my heart.
***
Your last post about your relationship with H. made me think of something, tho. I lost my dad 15 months ago. Not nearly so tragic, but ever so sudden. For those first several months, all I could think of was how great he was. Almost put him on a pedastal. Then 6 or 7 months into it, the reality of who he was started creeping into it, and at first, I hated those thoughts and feelings; he was gone, and I missed him, how dare I think something not-so-postive about this great man.
***
My dad was a wonderful man. I loved him dearly. But he wasn't as perfect as I made him out to be those first 6 months after he left us. He could be judgemental and tacky, he wasn't the best husband to my mother, he wasn't a perfect father, and sometimes I got downright angry at him. He did a lot for the community, but sometimes left his family to fend for themselves thru the years...he was human, just like the rest of us, and tho I still miss him dearly, his "human-ness" started to come back to me...that maybe he didn't deserve to be quite as high on that pedastal as I had placed him... And that was hard to think about.
***
I don't know if possibly this is possibly where you might be, but it was my experience. I loved my dad with all my heart and would give anything to have him back, thorns and warts and all, but remembering he had thorns and warts hurt, too.
***
Many hugs. Your pain breaks my heart.
***
Your last post about your relationship with H. made me think of something, tho. I lost my dad 15 months ago. Not nearly so tragic, but ever so sudden. For those first several months, all I could think of was how great he was. Almost put him on a pedastal. Then 6 or 7 months into it, the reality of who he was started creeping into it, and at first, I hated those thoughts and feelings; he was gone, and I missed him, how dare I think something not-so-postive about this great man.
***
My dad was a wonderful man. I loved him dearly. But he wasn't as perfect as I made him out to be those first 6 months after he left us. He could be judgemental and tacky, he wasn't the best husband to my mother, he wasn't a perfect father, and sometimes I got downright angry at him. He did a lot for the community, but sometimes left his family to fend for themselves thru the years...he was human, just like the rest of us, and tho I still miss him dearly, his "human-ness" started to come back to me...that maybe he didn't deserve to be quite as high on that pedastal as I had placed him... And that was hard to think about.
***
I don't know if possibly this is possibly where you might be, but it was my experience. I loved my dad with all my heart and would give anything to have him back, thorns and warts and all, but remembering he had thorns and warts hurt, too.