Show Me The Light
New Member
My son is 18, and a high school senior. He has always been a great student, a leader, and an awesome football player. He has played since he was 7 years old, and has always dreamed of playing in college. His dad and I divorced when he was 6, and he was never in his life....something he won't admit he blames me for. I went above and beyond as a parent trying to fill the void. I was always the team mom, paid large amounts of money for the best trainers, year round tournaments, etc. He received every possible accolade throughout high school (and we live in a big city). He is 2-3 inches shorter than the average D-1 athlete that plays his position. He has always known than, but hoped his work ethic, grades, and talent would overshadow his lack of height. The last year was very tough for him. He was in two car accidents (both his fault), lost a friend in a very violent way, and suffered a Summer College Camp ending injury to his hip. Missing the camps before his senior season was hard as that's where all the recruiters are. He rehabbed over Summer and was ready for Senior season. Then the stomach pains began, and the doctors thought he had colitis or crones, but a scope showed everything was healthy. The stomach pain continued, but he pushed through and had an amazing senior season earning All Section Honors out of 10,000 players. He received a lot of offers, but none to the big schools that he always dreamed of playing at...they were frank...you can play, but we need to taller at your position. I started noticing a change in him in December. His attitude was changing, and he would come home looking high. I didn't want to believe it, and didn't say anything. By January I was smelling the marijuana and his grades were dropping. I was getting calls from his teachers that he was missing class, and he would blame his stomach problems. His marijuana use became more prevalent and he then started to not come home, and say that he "fell asleep". He stopped answering my calls when he was out, and started being defiant. I would take his car away, but give it back a week later when he promised to change. He ended up with an F and a D on his 3rd qtr report card (something I had never seen). I had conferences with teachers and he assured me he would be fine. ver the last few months everything has gone down hill fast. He was lying, sneaking out, and even had the boldness to light up a joint in his bedroom before school. I found a scale used for selling drugs, and other paraphernalia, and he admitted without blinking that it was all his. He told me that I was too strict, that all the parents let their kids smoke weed, and I always overreact because he's a good kid. He knows how to manipulate me. He broke down and told me that the struggles of the past year had taken their toll, and his disappointment in football led him to not care (working hard got me nothing). After coming home high again we got into a big argument, and he left for 4 days. He touted on social media that he was living the good life and let me know he never needed my money and could take care of himself. After four days I called him begging for him to come home against everyones advice. My son has never had these problems and I hoped I could fix him. That was a month ago. We had been working on communication, and he hadn't come home high in quite some time. Last night we saw him leave the house at 11pm and not come home until 3am. I went into his room this morning to talk to him about it and his cell phone was on his dresser unlocked. My gut said look... found text messages about him selling drugs, breaking into cars, bragging that an air soft gun he purchased was real, and that one of his friends has been posing as his grandfather and getting him out of school all semester based on his stomach problems (he missed English 24 times)...you get the picture. I woke him up screaming and crying uncontrollably and told him that he needed to leave. I told him that he was throwing his life away, and that I would not support him in doing it. He is very passive aggressive, and never apologetic. He again blamed his problems on not getting what he felt he deserved after all his hard work in football, and my talk of failure leads to success meant nothing. I told him he still has the opportunity to take the scholarships he was offered and make something of himself. That it's not too late. He just walked out. The young man I raised is gone. His eyes are cold, and I am his enemy. I don't know his friends anymore and I don't know where he is. I do know that pride will not let him call me. My amazing, smart, humbler, natural leader of a son turned into a drug dealing criminal almost overnight. How did we get here? What do do?