Kinda Sad

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by amstrong, Apr 25, 2007.

  1. amstrong

    amstrong New Member

    Yesterday, without going into all details, difficult child got upset with me over one of my rules and said he was coming to get his stuff and moving out. He and his best friend came and got his clothes and toiletries. He said he was really frustrated, having feelings about the issues with his bio dad and was at his breaking point and just wasn't happy. Happily there were no altercations. He has moved in with best friend and his parents. I know the friend, his Dad and have spoken with his Mom on the phone. They are good people.

    I spoke to difficult child last night and told him I have no problem with his moving out that I just really wished it hadn't been done in anger and that he was welcome to come back. I told him I hoped he would come by and visit with me sometimes. He said, "Mom, its not like Im never gonna see you again, its not like that-people just move on". He told me that he is sharing his feelings about his dad with his friend and friends parents so at least he is talking to someone-he refuses professional help. He said the Dad said he could stay there as long as he likes and that he did not tell him he had to pay them but he was going to pay them something. He said he wasn't going to mess up his job and that he just wanted to get out.

    While my Momy heart is sad that he has moved outta my house and into another Mom's house, I am trying to be positive. This is a decision he made on his own and maybe will help him feel more confident and independent. Like husband says, he has to leave sometime and this is baby steps toward his adulthood and that he is quite sure that if he has a problem, I will be the one he calls. husband also truthfully said that while he didn't want it to happen the way it did, he is relieved as it will afford us some peace and quiet since we have been raising a rebellious teen since we married.

    difficult child is supposed to contact me in a day or so and come by so that husband can sign over his car to him ( his incentive for finishing school) and we can talk more then.

    His friend saw that I was upset yesterday and he hugged me several times and told me that he was there for difficult child and me as well-sweet.

    Anyway, good thoughts and prayers needed that this will only help difficult child in his quest for adulthood and independence.
     
  2. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Arghhhh, I just got through typing this long response and somehow hit the wrong key and deleted it on myself!!!

    Oh well, I was saying that as far as how most of our difficult child's on this board leave home, I think yours went pretty smoothly.

    No matter how they leave it's still going to be like a period of mourning. It will take you awhile to walk past his room without your mommy heart breaking, but believe me, you will get used too it. My difficult child and I have such a great relationship now that he doesn't live home anymore.

    I know as they are growing up we all picture our kids moving out to get married or go to college and on this board it's usually for much different reasons, but they all have to move out sometimes and it sounds like your difficult child is trying to be responsible. Be proud of him that he could come to this decision in what seems to me like a mature manner.

    Spend some quality time with husband and enjoy the peace and quiet of not dealing with the daily stress a difficult child can bring to a house.

    I felt like my heart broke in half the day we kicked our son out, but it repaired itself and we are all very happy now.
     
  3. ScentofCedar

    ScentofCedar New Member


    I agree with Kfld that it is so much harder when the kids leave home without their educations completed or their prospects in order.

    You know your son is safe though, and you seem to feel that the people he is staying with are decent people. Maybe, this will be what he needs to turn things around for himself.

    I hope your sadness passes soon, and that all goes well for your son ~ and for you.

    Barbara
     
  4. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    him being out of your home will give him time to reflect on how you raised him. he will appreciate you more once he is gone hopefully.

    it is sad. the whole dang thing is sad. when I thought of raising kids I had a whole 'nuther scenario in mind. didnt happen. I still cannot believe my kids are not married and being good parents to some babies.

    boyfriend's dear sweet youngest daughter moved in with a guy she met last year. he had expected a big wedding for her all along. he was appalled when she did this. it was not what he wanted either.

    cant figure out anymore what is normal. (HUGS) and keep in mind he will probably move back in with you sooner than you think. after all you did not throw him out. so paint his room while you have a chance.
     
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    At least you know he's in a good safe place. Maybe now he will come to realize all you did for him and tried to teach him.

    ((((hugs))))
     
  6. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I hope he sorts things out and realizes he needs, and then gets porfessional help. There are so many issues that a kid has when a parent has addictions like your ex did. Hopefully your difficult child will eventually see that you did the best you could with a really bad situation. Then maybe you two can move on in your relationship. -RM
     
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