Long story short (I hope) that ended in AH HA

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TeDo, Mar 24, 2011.

  1. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    difficult child has not gone to school in a week now (see SpEd Forum & Risperdal thread here) and has been staying home alone instead. When I got home today, he was the worst I've ever seen him. Crying non-stop then major ANGER. After about 1/2 hour, he finally blurted out what has been REALLY bothering him. Here's the long part.

    My Ex took off before my boys were born. They have met him a couple times but have had no contact (or child support) in over 6 years. He WANTS A DAD! Put that together with having 3 Big Brothers (through that program) vanish without a word to difficult child. Here one day, moved out of state the next. Then my sister, his favorite aunt, walked out on her family, literally, over 2 years ago. Then occupational therapist he finally "let in" this year, took another job somewhere else. Can anyone say "ABANDONMENT ISSUES"?

    It turns out that difficult child has been worrying about me leaving him because of the behavior that was caused by the Risperdal that has been getting him sent home from school most every day for the last 2 months. He has had nightmares the last few nights that I did leave him. That explains why he's been sleeping with easy child/difficult child lately.

    It took a lot of talking, crying, and hugging before he half believed me. Like I told him, no matter how bad he acts, I am NEVER going to leave him. I feel sorry for the little (4ft 4in and 70lbs at almost 13) guy. At least now I have a clue about what's going through that head of his.
  2. Last ♡ Hope

    Last ♡ Hope New Member

    That is heartbreaking. I think some of my difficult children issues are from not having a dad around when his older sibs do. And then younger sibs' 'donor' who vowed to never leave any of us to difficult child, took off, that made everything so much worse. I have such seriously huge fears about letting anyone into our little circle anymore. I have even bigger guilt. I like to think I love him enough for 10 dads, but, I don't think I can compensate for that loss...
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Poor kid.
    I'm so glad he finally told you. That will help a lot. Many hugs to both of you!
  4. TeDo,

    Your story really touched me. I am amazed that difficult child has understanding of this and could explain it to you. I'm sending gentle hugs to you both...

  5. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Aw. Poor guy.

    FWIW, my difficult child 1 did his darnedest to push me away for much of the same reasons. Except he also had an intense need to control everything, so if I was going to leave, anyway, it needed to be because he made me.

    I never left.

    I bawled my eyes out when I got that letter while he was in boot camp - the one that said thanks for never giving up on me.

    Tell your little guy that there are a few people left in this world that are just too darned stubborn to go away. I am one (ask my difficult child 1). His mama is another.
  6. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Thanks guys. Things have been so much better since that last blow-up. LOTS of hugs out of nowhere. I have my loveable "squirt" back and I am soooo glad. Maybe now we can work on getting him back to school.

    I Love My "FAMILY" (yes, that means all of you):Grouphug:
  7. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    He didn't exactly think about what he said or was going to say. It just kind of blurted out while in the middle of his rage. I don't think he even realized what he'd said until I started talking to him about it after he'd calmed down. He is getting so much better at communicating some things with me that he was never able to put into words before. But then, that is just with me. It doesn't carry over to ANYONE else, even his twin brother. But then again, they've had the "twin thing" going on since they were very little so he doesn't need to SAY anything to easy child/difficult child.
  8. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Happy he was able to communicate that so well and get it off his chest, hope he's able to keep doing it in the future before it becomes an intense problem.