Meth overdose

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by 4now, Jan 19, 2016.

  1. 4now

    4now Member

    I feel like I have been on an uncontrollable roller coaster ride. My oldest moved to follow his girlfriend to a neighboring state approximately 2 months ago. He had burned through all of the people, resources and help available in our town. The move was actually working out a little better for him as the other state is more liberal in what resources are available to the homeless there. Anyway, in mid Dec, he texted that things were not going well and then disappeared from contact from everyone. He resurfaced finally after I and his girlfriend filed a missing persons report.

    During this time I finally got confirmation from the girlfriend that they had been using meth ( shooting up) together and that's why she had moved home to her parents to clean up her life. Husband and I had always suspected he was using again, he had used from 18-24 when he was arrested and completed work camp and probation. But after about 10 years together he and his girlfriend broke up and His life fell apart and that's when we suspect he started using meth again. That was 3 years ago and it has been downhill from that time. Hospitals, police, mania, psychosis, homelessness, loss of relationships with family and friends, etc.

    Anyway, he was picked up and placed in jail there as he had an extraditable warrant issued after he left our state. While in jail there he was put on lithium and after 4 weeks was somewhat clearheaded. They finally brought him back to our state a week ago Friday and a week ago I received a call from him at 8:30 at night saying they had released him on a OR bond. They brought him back on Friday and released him Monday?.. They didn't bring any of his belongings with him, not a coat, clothing ID, money nothing, nor did they continue or give him medicine that was obviously helping him.. My husband and I agreed he could stay a a few days until his payee could pay for a room somewhere. During this time he admitted that the judge released him to stay at my house until his next court date which was a month away. He is not to leave the state as a condition of his bond. I was floored that the judge gave him the condition to stay with me without verifying that this was acceptable to my husband and myself.

    He made it 3 days until his payee sent him $50 for a few clothes and an ID. He didn't come back that night and the next day showed up at my house manic and was asked to leave. I contacted the court and told them that he was not staying here and had no place to go and they should know he was trying to go back to the state they had just brought him back from. They wanted me to call the police, the prosecuting attorney, etc.mind you he is a 34 year old man that they brought back here then released to my home without even bothering to check with me and see if that was even an option. How did this become my responsibility? I had nothing to do with bringing him back here.

    Fast forward to 5:45 am Sunday morning and I wake up to a phone call from him from the hospital. He was delusional, admitted he had been using pot and meth but believed he had been poisoned and that we had been at the hospital with him. He thought he had been beat in the head, had fluid drained from his head, had a metal plate placed in his chest and other equally bizarre beliefs. My husband and I decided to go to the hospital to find out what was going on as they usually treat him in the ER and never place him in a room. When we got there he was in his hospital room talking to a police detective who he called to report his "poisoning". His nurse said Difficult Child gave her permission to share his medical condition with us so we were informed he had OD'd on meth. He wandered into a pizza place here, sick and asking for an ambulance to be called.

    Now he's in jail for being in possession of a controlled substance and resisting arrest (he was not happy that the police he called to report the poisoning arrested him instead) and he was still delusional and combative from the meth overdose. He called yesterday saying they had set bond at $500 and wanted his payee called to bond him out. Of course I said no and I made it clear to the policeman that he was not staying at my house if they released him. How the holy he** can the court justify the time and expense in bring a homeless mentally ill/meth using person back here. Stop his lithium, release him to his mothers house with out even checking with me, OR him, know he's using and ODing an planning on going back to the state they just extradited him from, and then set his bond at $500? The kicker is he has a hearing today to reset bond lower or OR him again. I am worried if he gets released it will start all over again and he might die this time. What a mess. It is obvious that the system is broken. This is making me ill.
     
  2. 4now

    4now Member

    I read what I wrote and I sound so heartless. I feel as though I am trapped by a system that doesn't understand or care about mental illness or addiction. I try to detach and feel like I get pulled back into the fray by the courts, hospitals, etc. I love my son and would do almost anything for him and in fact I have enabled way too long trying to help with no results. Then I turn around and feel like the court system is putting me right back in the middle of things. I know I am his mother but I raised him Ito know right from wrong and did everything in my power to make him a fully functioning adult. Does society and the system expect me to be responsible for my child until I die? I wish I could actually do something to help, but I've accepted that I how no power to control this situation or his life.
     
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    You are. Unfortunately, mental illness is still very poorly supported, on all fronts. And it's not just in the US, either.

    Society does NOT expect you to be responsible for your 34 year old offspring. Most people have realistic expectations when it comes to fully-grown adult children. Some of us are a bit fuzzy about 20 year olds. But by 25? Parent is not responsible at all, except maybe a case like a very disabled child under the parent's guardianship.

    The "system", however, apparently does. Which is totally insane, because they don't have the legal right to do so.
     
  4. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    4now, I am sorry you are going through this. You are not heartless, you are REAL. Just wanted to write, before I go to work. You are not alone. My daughter is in a similar situation. Never diagnosed with anything, but I am SURE, she has issues after years of meth use. UGH!
    I am sorry for you heartache and worry.

    (((HUGS)))
    leafy
     
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  5. 4now

    4now Member

    My Difficult Child has been diagnosed with bipolar and anxiety disorder, both which can be symptoms of meth use also. He is on disability but has a payee. I hope they keep him in jail because for now I think it is the safest place for him.
     
  6. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    I sometimes wish my Rain would go to jail to possibly get clean....isn't that something? But then I hear they can get drugs in jail, too, sigh. Well, at least I would know where she was and that she was getting meals and shelter.
    I wish I could just detach my feelings too because she has pretty much told me I am dead to her.
    How's that one. Huh.
    I understand the jail thing completely 4now. Same page with that one!
    (((Hugs)))
    leafy
     
  7. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You don't sound heartless to me at all. He is 34, he's had plenty of time to help himself. You have no obligation to allow him to stay with you. You did the right thing by making it clear to the court that he is not welcome there.
     
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  8. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have often found that hospitals try to get a family member to take responsibility for the difficult loved one so that they don't have to deal with aftercare. When we took our NAMI classes, we were told that we should simply say no. You are not responsible for a 34 year old and need to make that very clear to the court.

    I have been pleasantly surprised at the resources that the hospital social workers have come up with for my Difficult Child once it was clear that she was on her own.

    ~Kathy
     
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    Last edited: Jan 20, 2016
  9. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    They can get drugs in jail albeit probably a bit harder. Jail definitely helped save my daughter. She was 19, pregnant and a meth addict. Once she got arrested for a misdemeanor, I called the courts and pleaded for help. They drug tested her and she tested positive during pre-court diversion so they kept her in jail for the duration of her pregnancy. She came home after she had the baby, relapsed and ended up getting arrested again for probation violation (finally tested dirty on a test at probation). She then went to a year long rehab at a ministry - one that I would never have found on my own! She has now been clean since October 2014 and is a VERY different person today. She and our grandson are back home and life is really going awesome. She has found that she is a workaholic like her dad and I(but there are far worse things to be) and she is a great mom.

    There IS hope but yes, the courts/hospitals have FAR better resources than we do...some of them are just lazy...

    My daughter was very young when she started and thankfully very young when she got help. BUT I do know older adults that she was hanging around with that have also cleaned up. It CAN happen. They need to want it and sometimes the need to want it comes from wanting to be in jail again...
     
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  10. Tymica

    Tymica Member

    You are not heartless. I have that guilty feeling also with my 18 year old addict son. The truth is, we're not heartless, we've just become accustomed to their terrible life choices. The court probably assumed "Oh, well, of COURSE his own mother will let him stay with her." Not taking the time to think about the reason he is in court to begin with and how many years of this we have already endured. My son is quite a bit younger than yours, and he is not welcome to stay here at all, teenager or not. I don't have enough locks to protect myself from his theiving, his shady friends, etc... I am so sorry you are going through all of this. It sounds like you have the detachment part down pat, hopefully the system will give him the support he needs!
     
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  11. TheWalrus

    TheWalrus I Am The Walrus

    Unfortunately we are in a system that doesn't offer support or resources for drug addiction and mental illness. Even with insurance, unless there is guarantee of payment, rehabs won't take them. I went around and around with that myself. Unlike medical clinics that are required to give care (even at a minimum) regardless of finances, rehabs are businesses and it is all about money. We had many who would take her if WE would take financial responsibility. It would have bankrupted us.

    Our child was IN a rehab and "melted down," attempting to hurt herself several times. Her therapist "warned" us NOT to take her home. Fast forward two weeks - two weeks of MULTIPLE rehabs turning her down due to finances - and her therapist said she had made a "miraculous" turn around and SUGGESTED we take her home. (She had just tried to hurt herself 3 days before this "turn around.")

    We refused. Her case manager literally tried to guilt us into taking her home by threatening to put her in a homeless shelter. I wanted to ask, "Is that manipulation part of your training or did you learn that from my daughter?"

    We held our ground. She is not in our house. Luckily, she is not homeless either. We must be heartless too...
     
  12. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Walrus - that is what I LOVED about my daughter's rehab program. They take ANY women who sincerely want to change their life. SO many women come in from the jail where they are destitute and have nothing. They accepted my daughter's beat up old car as payment for the first two months and then she carried a bill (it was 500 per month until she had her son move there with her - then it went up to 600 per month and that included EVERYTHING). Once she got to the point in the program where she could work, she got a job and caught up on her bill. She paid her entire stay, successfully graduated and made life long friends there that she still talks to almost daily. There needs to be many, many more programs like that out there!!
     
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  13. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    That's the difference between non-profit and for-profit models. Non-profit can afford to take a chance on a few people who might not pay, by covering expenses from others. For-profit needs every case to be a profit.
     
  14. TheWalrus

    TheWalrus I Am The Walrus

    We found programs that would take her. She wouldn't take them - which let me know that she isn't ready to really change yet and we were right not to foot the bill and not to take her in. She had every excuse under the sun. No, these places weren't resorts and she would have had to really work to pay for her stay, like you talk about. So I can't blame it all on the system - there are some options out there if it is a financial issue. But they are few, far between, and often have a wait list. I get aggravated thinking about it bc at the time there was not wait list and she just flat refused. And they won't take you if you aren't willing.

    I also get aggravated that the rehab she was in put pressure on us instead of her. They should have pressured her into looking at those options or being homeless instead of trying to guilt trip us. It might have swayed her. But if she wasn't really ready, it wouldn't have helped and it wouldn't have lasted.

    It is like a dog that chases its tail...never ending circles that result in getting nowhere...
     
  15. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Agreed a million percent!! When my daughter was arrested for her probation violation, I believe she wanted to be caught. She had passed so many other drug tests prior to that. While she was in jail, SHE wrote to the rehabs asking for information because she really did not want to live this way anymore. Big difference from where your daughter seems to be right now...
     
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  16. 4now

    4now Member

    I am no where near as detached as I would like to be. My detachment ebbs and flows. I am sure however that my ability to help him is nil. I have nothing to offer him other than loving support for him to change his life. He has to want and seek the help, which needs to come from other resources than his family. There are professionals out there that can help him far better than myself. It is hopeful that some of you have seen your children change and I know it is possible. However no mater how much I want it it has to be his choice. He is so bad about accepting the help he needs and extremely persistent at chasing all the things that are harmful to him. If he was half as persistent at getting clean and mental health care I have no doubt in my mind he could succeed. His mind is so warped with the drugs that he cannot see the forest for the trees.
     
  17. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Detachment is not perfect. I think ebb and flow is a great way to describe the emotions we go through during this process. For me, there are two sides, the realization my two cannot live with me----(it would eventually do me under)----physical detachment, then the resulting roller coaster ride and quest to detach emotionally, still love them, but not get drawn into the crazy chaos.

    I do not think detachment means coldly cutting our D cs off completely.

    You have a good head on you shoulders and are standing strong, not getting sucked in.

    I am adamant not to have my two at home because it has been a hard 4 months building mysef back up. I went through the emotional wringer and do not want to go through that again.
    Hubs is all " It is what it is" , easier for him to say because
    1. He did not carry them for 9 months
    2. Didn't have to care for their basic daily needs
    3. Is not the object of their venom, but at the same time, who do they call? MOM.......grrrrr

    He has his own way of dealing with it.

    I have found that posting here has been a good way to vent, share, get it out, etc. building the toolbox, reading....I just started "Setting Boundaries with your Adult Children."

    Yup, mine do not want the real help they need, either. They just want us to "help" (enable) so they can continue as is.
    The warped "forest for the trees thinking" -uh huh - know that one too. The strangest dang things come out of their mouths.
    You will get there 4now, you are strong. One day at a time, you will get to the place you need to be for YOU, where your son is concerned.
    You are not alone in trying to get there, so am I.

    (((Hugs)))
    leafy
     
  18. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Hi 4now, just seeing how you are doing, I hope everything is okay with you.
    (((HUGS)))
    leafy
     
  19. 4now

    4now Member

    I'm am doing fine. I was dealing with ear infection and vertigo, but the medicine is helping me get back to normal now. My son is still in jail, and I hope he stays for awhile. (Words I never thought I would write)

    Anyway it has been fairly uneventful. He calls daily but I have nothing to say and refuse to put money on his account. I did accept the first 2 free calls but all he wanted to do was yell and place blame. He actually got angry because I held my ground with him and HE got mad and hung up on me. Which I actually found amusing ( how smart is it to hang up on the person you called FROM JAIL with your free call????

    Anyway, other than the daily phone call from him it has been quiet and I'm just trying to get over this infection.

    I have been here daily reading and gathering strength from everyone's posts. Hope things are going well with you.
     
  20. 4now

    4now Member

    **let me clarify, I find it horrifying, yet funny in a way that my Difficult Child is so clueless and entitled that he would spend his free phone calls yelling and berating me. I even heard the co tell him to quiet down. Then he got angry at something I said and hung up. This happened twice. Who does that? Our difficult children do. I am not accepting any phone calls because I'm not going to pay for them and I'm afraid it will just be more of the same

    Or the begging and promises will start and I don't wNt to hear that either
     
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