More on easy child

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by flutterbee, Oct 28, 2008.

  1. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Apparently, A doesn't remember the conversation with Devon last night where they decided to work it out. She remembers calling him, but doesn't remember what they talked about. Apparently, her mom gave her something. Her mom has some pretty powerful medications and I can only guess what her mother gave her (like valium) and shake my head at the woman.

    Devon, on the other hand, didn't remind A what they talked about. He's on the fence about what he wants. He's very much in love with A, but when they are together - as in each other's physical presence - he's unhappy because she's mad, or jealous, or hurt - very insecure. She used to be very upbeat and smiling when I saw her. Lately, she's quiet, subdued and says no more than hi.

    I am proud, though, of the maturity Devon is showing in this. He's not letting his heart rule his mind. Something I've always had a lot of trouble with personally, but I've tried to teach my kids differently - to be mindful. It's always been easier for Devon than Wynter, but I do see Wynter doing it more often.

    He came home and vacuumed and swept the kitchen floor. He just left for work. I told him to take some time to figure it out. I told him I was sorry he was going through this. He said it was his fault, he broke up with her. I told him he had reason. He said, well, he asked her out to begin with. I told him he had reason. Then he said they were together for 6 months, 11 hours and 25 minutes. He's hurting. But, he's being true to himself.
     
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry he is hurting. It is so hard on us parents to see our kids hurting, no matter what age they are.

    I think he is being very mature and intelligent about this. I am sorry A's mom is giving her medications like that. It sounds scary.

    Hugs to all of you.

    Susie
     
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Heather,
    He is handling this very maturely and yet he, of course, is still hurting. Sending gentle hugs his way (and for you too). Very scary that A doesn't remember the conversation.
     
  4. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Yeah, well all was not as it seemed in the Land of Devon.

    A came over this afternoon with the excuse of returning a vase. I took one look at her and said, "Oh, Honey" and she dissolved into tears. She was here for 3 1/2 hours while Devon was working. We talked about a lot of things. A few things really caught my attention. 1) He's been texting with a girl *a lot* and hiding it from A. He got a text while they were in the car and he actually grabbed the phone and turned it over so she couldn't see who it was from. Talk about creating an atmosphere of distrust and then complaining when she's insecure about his friendship with this girl. 2) He's being over-sensitive and accusing her of being mad when she's not and then not believing her when she says she's not. He does that with me a lot, so it's not out of character. 3) He's been running hot and cold - much like he claims she has been. 4) He told her he wasn't going to change. 5) He's too tired to do anything with her, but when his friends call and need him to run them somewhere, he jumps to it.

    These reminded me so much of both his dad and my dad. He's been raised around 2 strong women - my mom and myself - and he should know better.

    I told her that I have hope that they work it out, but that a relationship is a two way street and if he's not going to change then she should move on. That she - and no one - deserves to be treated like that. That Devon has a lot of good qualities, but if he's not willing to compromise and to respect her then she should move on.

    A has a really good head on her shoulders. Much different than the picture Devon was portraying. She was handling this breakup out of left field with much more grace, dignity and maturity than I did at the age of 30.

    Devon is a good kid - new at relationships and learning. But, I'm really disappointed in the way he was portraying things. Seems he learned his lesson. He was surprised by how much it hurt him. I guess for some reason he didn't expect it. He went to her house after work and they are working things out. A told me while she was here that she's not just going to go back and act like nothing happened - that changes have to be made. She said she's seen too many people - her older sister for one - who just keep going back and nothing changes.

    There is a reason I quit dating. I don't want to worry about relationships, but when you have kids I guess that's what we do. Worry. :faint:
     
  5. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    I know what you mean. I am happily married, don't have to worry about relationships anymore. But when difficult child/easy child and her boyfriend broke up and she was so brokenhearted I realized this is even worse than having it happen to myself! I felt so helpless and it hurt so much to see her hurting. It just isn't fair that we have to go through this all over again!

    Jane
     
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