need a hug

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by TerryJ2, Jan 23, 2015.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member


    difficult child woke up at noon, called me and asked if he could do chores to earn money for a car wash and vacuuming so husband wouldn't be mad at him. (difficult child is not clean lol. Give him the car for 15 sec and it's a mess.)
    He was walking out the front door, which we rarely use, as I drove up.
    I started to explain the chores and he interrupted me in a mean voice.
    "I don't want to hear about it now! I'll do it when I come back!"
    "So when are you going to wash the car? Now?"
    He's going to D's house to use her phone charger. His disappeared in someone else's car.

    Coincidentally, husband called and reminded me that a nor'eater was coming so not to bother.
    difficult child was shouting about not being able to fit the Christmas lights back in the boxes.
    difficult child hung around ... probably still wanting money ... and I showed him other tasks and chores. He said "NO!" to all of them. Too tiny and finicky.
    "Did you take your medications this morning?"
    I don't think so.
    He's just so fractious.
    He took off to get his charger and then called me. "D doesn't want me to hang around here and I can't use her charger. Can I buy one?"
    (That's when he explained how it went missing.)
    So much for being friends. He's learning the hard way.

    "In that case, come home now and do chores to earn the money."
    "THANKS for UNDERSTANDING! just forget it!"

    He is such an energy vampire.

    We are having a family meeting Sat afternoon. husband was out of town and is working until 7 tonight, and he works Sat. a.m. Ugh. I plan to nix the car. husband is too lenient.

    difficult child probably needs a hug, too, but I'm going to hog this one all for myself. Hug away!!!
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Aw heck, how do I change the heading? I'm no good at laptops.
  3. runawaybunny

    runawaybunny Administrator Staff Member

    Fixed the title for you.

    He's sure being nit picky about the chores... guess buying a new phone charger isn't that important to him after all.

    Have a hug.

  4. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    :consoling: I got it!


    So sorry you are having a rough time with difficult child today!
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Lil, every time I read your bio and story of difficult child, I think of mine. The attitude and life view are so similar.
  6. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member


    When my kids would go on a tirade like that, I'd sometimes just shrug and say, "ok, your choice" and walk away. Drove them nuts, but .. got the point across and disengaged me from the conversation fairly quickly.

    Hug again :)
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  7. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Oh God that sounds just like every argument I have ever had with my difficult child. She wants things but only the way she wants them. Nothing is ever simple and no one ever pleases her.

    I think taking the car is a good idea and something he shouldn't have if he is being so rude.

    I am sending you big hugs and reminding you that it will probably get better. My difficult child still has her moments but after a little tough love and some continued pushes towards becoming more independent she is getting much better. Only occasional small blow ups and when I let her know I am done she stops. I can end. You may be able to see the light soon.
  8. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

  9. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    So it doesn't get creepy.

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  10. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    and more hugs...
  11. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member


    A big cyber hug Terry from one 'Mom' of a teenager to another.................
  12. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    I'm sorry. You are so right about the above. After years of it, I just had to put a stop to it, and that meant some time away from my son---no visits, no phone calls, no emails, no texts and no FB messages. You just get to the point when you have no other choice---the exhaustion is too great.

    I do believe with all my heart that my weariness and stepping away provided space. Space for new things to possibly enter into my son's life. I realized that I, his mother who loves him so much---in fact, I told both my kids at one point they would never have a better friend than me---was the biggest part of the problem.

    That was hard to take in, for me. I was in the way of my son having a chance to grow up because I was always there with a hand out, a hand up, a solution, "help."

    finally, after giving and giving and giving to the point of insanity, I started to understand that I had to stop. It was really about me, not about him.

    And that's when the real work began. Warm hugs to you today. Take a nap, take a walk, take some time for YOU. Restore yourself.
  13. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member


    You did good.

    You go, girl!




  14. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member


    difficult child's are not too big on cause and effect. Our difficult child daughter loses her charger about twice a month. She often leaves it places or one of her "friends" takes advantage of her absent mindedness and helps themselves. And it is rare that she thinks she should earn money to replace it. It's been about eight years since she has been living in various apartments and her improvement with reference to this is miniscual, but at least it is improvement. (husband is better at celebrating teeny tiny improvements than I am). And in other areas, she has improved a bit more. Thank goodness!!!!!

    I'm convinced mental health problem + adoption = explosion


    Stay strong! It does get better.
  15. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    How're you doing now that a little bit of time has passed Terry? Feeling better?
  16. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Still a bit drained.
    It was just a rough week. So disappointed in difficult child. Still hasn't gone to McD to apologize. Still acting strange, and irresponsible. I'm wondering if he's drinking and doing drugs again. Daily. Something is "off." And it's not just girls.
    I texted him a job lead tonight. Waiting tables at a new Japanese restaurant. They are desperate for help and practically begged me to bring in my son when I told them he was 18 and I saw the sign in the window. They said it's really laid back. He needs that!
    Of course, I'd have to drop him off and husband would have to pick him up but at least it's a job.
    And difficult child never responded to the text. I'm going to talk to him in person right now.
    And the new puppy chewed off the bottom of one of my fave coats. I had to throw it away. And my glasses. I'm wearing them but there are scratches all over.
    And I have a sore throat.
    And missed out on visiting Cousin P because difficult child called me to come home because he forgot his key AGAIN (... but at least I saw him take a house key and put it in his pocket, and I had him do one more chore).
    And I have to take Cousin P's cat to the SPCA ... it's been two months.
    And I went to meet friends and ended up at the wrong restaurant (but did get a lead on that job ... and finally found the right place).
    And I don't want to have a tooth pulled. Or get a mammogram. Or be a grownup right now.
  17. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Being a grown up is over-rated. I know just how you feel.......'s good to write all the yucky things down and get them out in the air waves rather than inside........

    .....sounds like more hugs are necessary's a big hug coming your way......... and a large box of chocolate truffles, a glass of champagne, some gorgeous happy sunflowers, the knowledge that a hot bath awaits you, followed by a foot massage.........

    .....hang in there Terry........thankfully tomorrow is another new day...........
  18. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Recoveringenabler, are you on? have a question.
  19. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Was going to post something from FaceBook but figured the language would be frowned upon so I will quote it with appropriate changes.

    People in their 20's who think life's rough, Life hasn't even begun to mess with you yet. Buckle up idiots.

    Rough, mess, and idiots are NOT the original words!
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  20. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    I'll say.

    The final piece was the glasses being scratched.

    That would have been the thing that made me cry.


    What kind of puppy, please?