worried sick mother
Active Member
We have planned a very big family vacation for many years now. My son was originally invited to go but would never make a commitment, this is all before we knew much about his drug use. My husband (his stepdad) was fine with it. We have had our plane tickets for over a year but we didn't get my son one and my plan was if he decided to go to get him one at the last minute. Since my son is home from rehab I invited him again to go and my husband has had a cow! He says he doesn't deserve to go that he's been on vacation at rehab, he says he needs to get a job not be running off on a vacation and he even said that I expect him to foot the bill for him. He makes way more money than I do. My husband didn't speak to me for a week. My son had said he probably shouldn't go because he needs to find a job to pay his bills but now he has decided he doesn't want to miss this opportunity. It's not a vacation a family takes normally, once in a lifetime kind of vacation.
I had posted that my son had phone calls with someone I knew sold heroin well it turns out I was wrong, that's not who the calls were to. I just saw my son for the first time last night , he stayed here at my house. He looks like a completely different person, he looks so good. He acts like his old self, he's very pleasant and appears to be very dedicated to sobriety. He's gone to meetings and is setting up to get his next Vivitrol injection. He says he doesn't crave it at all and wants to get his life straightened out. I'm aware that he could be conning me! He said he would like to go to sober living but that his girlfriend can't make it financially without him. He feels obligated to her, she could go live with her mother but their house is very dirty with animal feces everywhere.
I went to see my psychiatrist (that I recently started seeing due to my son) today and I was telling her about my problem with my son and husband. I feel stuck in the middle. I don't want to tell my son he can't go when he was invited from the beginning. Anyway, my psychiatrist said that if he wasn't allowed to go now since he was invited from the beginning it would be almost like he was being punished for going to rehab and that wouldn't be supportive. She said my husband sounds angry and that anger has no place, not to enable but be supportive.
It boils down to that my husband just doesn't want to be around him and thinks it will ruin his vacation. I would actually enjoy mine more because I would know he is safe and I think it would be an opportunity for him to bond with us. The fact that he even wants to be around us is a BIG deal. I know a lot of people on here have problems with their children wanting to live with them but we have the opposite problem that he didn't want to be near us in the past and definitely never live with us. We are going for 10 days and I even suggested to my husband that he only go for 5 days and that way everyone would be happy but he won't hear of it. I just don't know what to do, I agree with my husband in a way but I just feel we could come up with a solution instead of being so unreasonable. I have to act fast, I sure don't want to tell my son that my husband feels this way and I haven't told my husband that my son said he was going either. I'm stuck!!! Any advice???
I had posted that my son had phone calls with someone I knew sold heroin well it turns out I was wrong, that's not who the calls were to. I just saw my son for the first time last night , he stayed here at my house. He looks like a completely different person, he looks so good. He acts like his old self, he's very pleasant and appears to be very dedicated to sobriety. He's gone to meetings and is setting up to get his next Vivitrol injection. He says he doesn't crave it at all and wants to get his life straightened out. I'm aware that he could be conning me! He said he would like to go to sober living but that his girlfriend can't make it financially without him. He feels obligated to her, she could go live with her mother but their house is very dirty with animal feces everywhere.
I went to see my psychiatrist (that I recently started seeing due to my son) today and I was telling her about my problem with my son and husband. I feel stuck in the middle. I don't want to tell my son he can't go when he was invited from the beginning. Anyway, my psychiatrist said that if he wasn't allowed to go now since he was invited from the beginning it would be almost like he was being punished for going to rehab and that wouldn't be supportive. She said my husband sounds angry and that anger has no place, not to enable but be supportive.
It boils down to that my husband just doesn't want to be around him and thinks it will ruin his vacation. I would actually enjoy mine more because I would know he is safe and I think it would be an opportunity for him to bond with us. The fact that he even wants to be around us is a BIG deal. I know a lot of people on here have problems with their children wanting to live with them but we have the opposite problem that he didn't want to be near us in the past and definitely never live with us. We are going for 10 days and I even suggested to my husband that he only go for 5 days and that way everyone would be happy but he won't hear of it. I just don't know what to do, I agree with my husband in a way but I just feel we could come up with a solution instead of being so unreasonable. I have to act fast, I sure don't want to tell my son that my husband feels this way and I haven't told my husband that my son said he was going either. I'm stuck!!! Any advice???