New and Needing Help-My Daughter May Have ODD

[Kellie_B]

I am at my wit's end trying to cope with my 8 year old daughter's behavior.
She is very well-behaved at school, but at home, she is extremely difficult to deal with.
No matter what I ask her to do, she refuses and tells me to shut-up, or throws a temper tantrum, and starts cursing.
She sometimes hits and bites me, and will not get up in the morning for school without a major battle.

This has been going on for over a year, and I don't quite know what I should do.

Once she gets to school, she behaves normally.
No one at school has any problems with her behavior...

She gets A's and B's on her report card, and the staff at school praise her all the time for being such a good student.

I am totally baffled by this behavior, searching for help, and thinking that maybe, I am doing something horribly wrong.
I came across an article on ODD, and noticed that she had many of the symptoms of it.

I am a single mom, and her biological father is in prison for multiple DUI's.

How do I go about getting an evaluation for her?

Should I ask my pediatrician for a referral to a specialist?

I feel like I am going insane sometimes, dealing with this day after day.:crazy1:

Any advice would be much appreciated.

 

[Loving Abbey 2]

Hi Welcome. Have you read the Explosive child by Ross Greene? If not, get it now. It will be very helpful towards finding some sanity. Many, many kids are able to hold it together during the day and then fall apart at home. Home is the safest place--it's like an ironic gift from mother nature. As parents we all blame ourselves. And of course we have all made mistakes learning to parent our children. This is a good place to get some feedback and support.

Can you tell us some more about her history? Did she hit all of the typical developmental milestones on time? When did the difficulties begin? Etc.

In my opinion, ODD is not a real diagnosis, it describes a pattern of behaviors but those behaviors have an underlying cause. Sometimes it is a mood disorder or anxiety disorder or Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). Try to look deeper than ODD.

There are many schools of thought on the evaluation options. In my opinion you need either a neuropsychological or a multi-disciplinary evaluation. The neuropsychologist has the best chance of being covered by insurance. If possible have it done at a children's hosptial. Any evaluation should be done by a doctor, not a therapist.

Stick around, I'm sure others will be along to offer support and/or advice.

 

[smallworld]

Welcome. I'm glad you found us. Michelle has already given you some great advice.

I agree that ODD rarely stands alone. Think of ODD as a symptom rather than a diagnosis unto itself. When the underlying disorder fueling "ODD" is identified and treated, the oppositional behaviors typically improve.

A few questions for you:

Any speech or developmental delays?
Any sensory issues (for example, sensitivity to clothing tags, loud noises, food textures)?
Any mental health issues or substance abuse in the family tree?
How does she do with peers?

Again, welcome. I hope your answers will help us point you in the right direction.

 

[Hound dog]

Welcome to the board.

You've already received some good sound advice. Just wanted to chime in and welcome you.

by the way, it's not unusual for one of our kids to save their behaviors for the home front. Home is where they feel more secure and safe. Stinks because it means we get the bulk of the behaviors to deal with. Travis could maintain fine at school but fell apart the moment he walked thru the door. Nichole did fine until she hit Jr High and it went straight downhill at school from there.

((hugs))

 

[BusynMember]

Smallmom had some good questions. Also, substance abuse on either side of the family tree puts a child at a high risk for a mood disorder as substance abusers most likely have mood disorders and are self-medicating. These problems are inherited. I'd see a neuropsychologist to make sure all bases are covered. There are no other diagnosticians that do such intensive evaluations as NeuroPsychs. My son was tested for ten hours and we got a real picture of what he is like, why, and finally a diagnosis.
ODD rarely stands alone. Her behavior isn't your fault, by the way. Some kids are just born differently and we have to find out what's wrong and help. But we didn't cause it.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Welcome to the board! Are you sure that you don't have MY daughter at your house?

Same thing. Her teachers tell me what a pleasure she is to have in class. She got a "good character award", for crying out loud. And just tonight, she threw a fit (which included throwing a chair, and her clothes, and her shoes) because she had to do homework before she could play video games.

I completely agree with reading "Explosive Child". Get your hands on it yesterday. It is so helpful, and will assist in you keeping your sanity while you try to figure out what is making your little girl tick.

I also agree with getting a neuropsychologist evaluation. You can ask the pediatrician for a referral, or contact your local Children's hospital (or any learning university hospital).

Glad you found us, but sorry you had to. You did find a soft place to land.

 

[Christy]

Sounds like you have gotton some good advice so I just wanted to say Welcome! Glad you have found this site.
Christy

 

[Kellie_B]

Any speech or developmental delays?
No. All of Katie's developmental milestones were right on time, or early.

Any sensory issues (for example, sensitivity to clothing tags, loud noises, food textures)?
No sensory problems that I have noticed.

Any mental health issues or substance abuse in the family
tree?
I have been taking anti-depressant medications since I was in high school (about 22 years).
Her biological father is an abusive, chronic relapsing alcoholic.
I was 31 when Katie was born, and I am now 40 years old.
Her bio dad has been incarcerated since 2004, for multiple DUIs, and he is now 36 years old.

Her half-brother, Jack, age 19, has ADD and Asperger's Syndrome.
He did not become verbal until age 4.
Jack is doing very well now, but still takes medications for ADD.
He is currently attending a local college as a full time student, and he has a driver's license.

How does she do with peers?
She interacts very appropriately with other children in her age group, and is also well-behaved with younger kids.

The only thing I have noticed is her tendency to be "bossy", but she has never been explosive or aggressive with other children.

Thanks so much, everyone, for the great suggestions...

I am going to read that book as soon as I can find it.

Some additional info about Katie's behavior:

She has always been somewhat stubborn and argumentative, but I noticed an escalation in her behavior after I lost my job in January of 2007.

Since then, I have been trying to get my own business going, and her behavior has gradually worsened.

I feel certain now, that I need help to find out what the problem is.
Many of you are probably just like me, in that I find it very difficult to ask for help....

Both of her grandmothers blame me for her inappropriate behavior, and say that I'm not fullfilling my responsibilities as a mother.

This doesn't do much for my confidence and self-esteem, as I'm sure some of you know.

Oh well, on to the next step....

I don't know how long I will have to wait for an evaluation appointment, but I will keep everyone updated.

Thanks again, and I'm so happy that I found some friends to talk to....:crazy1:

 

[KTMom91]

Kellie, big hugs to you...the grandmothers are wrong...it is NOT you. I went through similar things (still going on, too) with Miss KT's grandmothers. Single momhood is a hard job, and made even harder with a difficult child. been there done that. Just wanted to add my welcome and some reassurance.

 

[trinityroyal]

Hello Kellie,

You've received some great advice already. I just want to add my welcome.
You're in good company here. So many of us have been there done that, and we have the whole collection of T-shirts.

You have found a wonderful place, truly a "soft place to land". Come back often and let us know how you're keeping.

Trinity

 

[butterflydreams]

I just wanted to add my welcome! You have been given some wonderful advice. It is not your fault! Do not blame yourself for your daughter's behavior, I know from personal experience that this is easier said than done, because even though I know my son's behavior isn't my fault, I still question "could I have done anything differently to prevent this?" No. The important thing is that you are seeking to get her the help she needs. I am a single mother as well and have been blamed for my son's behavior. My ex-mother in law, who lives in another state doesn't "get it" and thinks that I am exaggerating and I am just not doing my job, my parents used to think that, but now they understand that it isn't anyones fault and there is something out of our control.

Hugs,

Christy