Hello everyone... I'm relatively new to the boards, but have posted in the Teen Substance Abuse forum. I have a situation that qualifies for this board, too. My difficult child 1 is 21 and just last night, I decided to cut contact with him. Background: I was 21 when he was born and I was married to his dad. We divorced when difficult child 1 was 18 months because his dad had turned violent towards me. I moved from TX back home to PA with difficult child 1. His dad went from sporadic contact to no contact. I married ExH when difficult child 1 was 3 1/2. ExH adopted him. difficult child 1 was diagnosis'd with ADHD several times, starting at 3. Raising him was difficult. Right before his 13th birthday, he got into serious trouble and was placed in the juvenile correctional system. ExH washed his hands at that point, so I was the only parent in difficult child 1's life. difficult child 1 was released after 4 years and moved back in with me and my SO. difficult child 1 refused to meet our expectations: go to school, get decent grades, work part time and graduate. I would have liked if he went to college, but he made it clear he had no intention of doing so. Soon after graduation, difficult child 1 moved out because he didn't want to pay us rent. He got back in touch with his bio dad. difficult child 1 moved to TX briefly, then came back to VA (but didn't live with us), and then went back to TX. While he was here, he basically sponged off of friends. He worked sporadically so he couldn't afford to live on his own. It wasn't uncommon for him to crash on someone's couch until that person got tired of difficult child 1 not supporting himself. So, difficult child 1 is now in TX. He's working as a bouncer at a strip club. He's living with a girl that also works at the strip club, but she's not a dancer. She might be a bartender. They've been together 4-6 months and 3 months ago, he sent me an email through FaceBook (our only means of contact because he has no phone) saying that the girlfriend was cheating on him. I chatted with him and told him that he didn't deserve that or need it...and he supposedly "worked things out with her." Ugh, but his choice. This past weekend, we discovered that difficult child 3 is smoking pot, drinking and dealing (and he's taken pills at times, but we don't know what). We are working to get difficult child 3 into treatment. I discovered the substance abuse by looking at difficult child 3's FaceBook -- the one he keeps for friends, but not for parents/grandparents, etc. There were emails between the boys in which they basically compared notes on getting stoned and drunk. When difficult child 3 first started smoking pot, he told difficult child 1 who told me. I confronted difficult child 3 and he stopped for a while. This time, difficult child 1 said NOTHING to me even though he knew what difficult child 3 was doing. I sent difficult child 1 an email the other night that basically said that I am disappointed that he didn't tell me that difficult child 3 is using again, and that I would think since difficult child 1 knows all too well where you get when you're using, he would at least not condone this. difficult child 1 wrote a hateful email back, saying that it's not his fault that difficult child 3 is using, that I should have known it, that just because difficult child 1 knows people that smoke here in VA, that this isn't on his shoulders, and that he figured since difficult child 3 was using again, I had given up. WHAT? I never blamed him for difficult child 3 using or said it was his fault. I don't care who he knows that smokes; I only care about his 15 year old brother who is going down a really bad path. And why would I give up on a kid this quickly if I didn't give up on difficult child 1 while he was in the juvenile correctional system??? I was the ONLY one that didn't give up on him. All of that, I can take. His final line was the deal breaker. "If you don't have anything nice to say to me anymore, gtfo." I deleted him from my friends list and will block him if he emails again. I've hit the end of my rope with him. All he wants is constant adoration and support, but he's unwilling to look at the mess HE has made of his life. I know it's the right thing to do but that doesn't make it hurt any less. I know I was a baby myself when difficult child 1 was born, but he's the one that made me realize that above anything else, I *love* being a mom. I had no choice but to grow up and be responsible for him, so for that reason alone, I'm thankful he came along. I had such high hopes for him and it's awful to realize that instead of raising the next President of the United States, I have contributed yet another person who thinks he's entitled to whatever he wants without working for it. Now, he just makes my heart and head hurt.