New member about son with Asperger's

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by needpaperbag, Mar 7, 2016.

  1. needpaperbag

    needpaperbag New Member

    Hello, As I read this it brings me to tears. My son is 15 and sounds like a mirror image of your boy. I am only now, due to his heightened behaviour, realising he has Aspergers. I do not have an official diagnosis. He is seeing a psychologist who suggests he is, and the penny has finally dropped for me. He was diagnosed with Dyslexia when he was 9 years old and was described as a 'spiky kid', who is really strong in some areas and really weak in others. He has very slow processing. He is obsessive about rapping and drawing. I have single parented Tom since he was 1 year old and have always thought he is a creative, 'out of the box', bit different, tricky, unusual kid, etc, etc... I have always been very open to difference. But, here we are in the teen years, he is verbally abusive to me on a daily basis. He is quiet and intelligent at school and hangs with the 'nerdy' crowd. Come christmas holidays he is happy to stay in his room and draw all day, and night, long. Doesn't seem to matter if he sees friends or not. He is in trouble at school for the first time and I am off to speak to the principal today. He has posted a picture of one of the teachers on facebook. It's not abusive, just funny (apparently) and it has taken me a while to impress upon him the idea of privacy and while he might find the content innocuous it is still not O.K. to take someone's photo and put it online. It took a while because he wanted me to admit I found it funny rather than address the action. During the conversation I suggested that while it might be funny to put a moustache on the Mona Lisa it is still not an O.K. thing to do. This upset him enormously, "No, no, no,no, no, no' he cried - that is just not funny! So I still have not mastered the art of having my son understand the consequences of his actions and am trying to work out a way to impress upon him that swearing at me is not O.K. Anyway, I'm ranting now and really just wanted to say it sounds like my son is a lot like your son and I hope their strengths and talents are recognised and they go on to do the things that give them the most joy and have good people around them who appreciate their individuality.
     
  2. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    Hi needpaperbag, and welcome to the forum. I think you will get more responses here with your own thread.

    I'm so sorry about the struggles with your son.

    This site is a good place for support and encouragement and ideas. We're glad you're here. Please keep posting.

    Warm hugs tonight.
     
  3. savior no more

    savior no more Active Member

    Hi Needpaperbag -

    Many of these diagnosis are a lot alike and it is hard to differentiate some of them. There were times I wasn't sure that having them helped my son at all, however, it did help me to understand there were neurological things going on that was beyond him just being a bad kid. I know this sounds terrible, but I almost wished he had been profoundly impaired as he might not have had the ability to get into the things he does. I am seeing now that my child is over 18 the value of having a diganosis before he became an adult as it can be used in the legal defense of his behaviors. It can also be used to help give them the proper educational environment. The best testing that I ever had done was a full neuropsychological evaluation. This was done almost ten years ago and eerily predicted his future.
     
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    spoken like a good mother who understands the spectrum. My son started interventions as a toddler and is doing great, but its never too late
    Kudos to you and hig hugs.
     
  5. Roxona

    Roxona Active Member

    My son was diagnosis'd with Asperger at about 5 or 6. I think the "label" did more harm than good, as he has always thought of himself as being broken or stupid. The social intervention was crucial though, and exactly what he needed. He had at home counseling, group counseling, cub scouts, soccer. Really anything that would help him learn how to interact with others.

    Perhaps the teacher your son posted the picture of could talk with your son and explain why it may have hurt his/her feelings. I think if it comes from the injured person, it makes a bigger impression.
     
  6. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    In addition to being bipolar, I am autistic. I was diagnosed at 44 as part of a family study at a major teaching hospital. I was diagnosed via a multi-disciplinary evaluation.

    Even as late as I was diagnosed, it STILL made a huge difference in my life. The diagnosis answered many, many questions about why I (and many maternal family members--my mother is autistic as well.)was the way I am.

    It also made a huge difference in therapy planning for my bipolar and Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) as certain usual treatments simply are not workable for me, and others have to be modified.

    For example, I don't tend to isolate myself due to depression, but rather because while over the years I've compensated and can "play NT" with people fairly well, it takes a huge effort and is exhausting. It also sometimes frightens me as I'm constantly worried about making an :censored2: out of myself; especially as I have quite a bit of trouble reading human facial expressions. (great at reading animal expressions and body language).

    on the other hand, I'm great at reading vocal nuance.

    It's never too late to go for a diagnosis. If nothing else, a diagnosis offers explanation and understanding.
     
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  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Gn, I was recently dxd. With a severe non verbal learning disability and "probable" aspergers too. It made my whole life finally make sense. Finally! Gn, I relate to much of your explanations of why you do what. I also have a mood disorder snd I was told the spectrum causes much anxiety, way beyond the norm. Now I dont have to think I was weird or stupid. I know I was brave, overcoming many challenges. Like you, being with typical people is EXHAUSTING. And etc. Etc. Etc....I cant read faces either and even have a form of face blindness. I dont understand instructions or intentions and sometimes do the lamest things.
    Diagnosing and getting help at any age is good...can really make a different in how well one functions. I feel undiagnosed OR untreated spectrum disorder often does lead to depression and substance abuse. This includes aspergers.
    Thanks for your post, GN.
     
    Last edited: Mar 17, 2016
  8. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    Welcome to the "club", or as my grandmother said when I was a few months old and already talking sentences (mixed Yiddish and English), "I guess we've got ANOTHER odd duck."

    I was reading "chapter books" at 3 years of age. Hyperlexic much?

    The "experts" aren't sure just what type of autism I have because I've compensated so well. They were thinking Asperger's as I didn't have the speech delay, but my other characteristics are more high-functioning autism or Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD).

    I was also a premature c-section due to maternal hemorrhage, and had a stroke in the NICU. I recovered except for some foot drop in my left leg, but I have a rather interesting MRI as there is a little "hole" in my right frontal lobe.

    While I was busily gaining weight, learning how to breathe properly, and recovering from my stroke, my parents were told I'd have to be institutionalized!

    I don't think the stroke played any role in the autism. The bipolar was a contribution from the paternal side (dad was and sister is bipolar).

    Luckily, for the most part, the autism goes along with very high intelligence on my maternal side, though there have been a few cousins that had been institutionalized.

    My mother, who was 73 when diagnosed, was told she needed this therapy and that intervention, and just laughed. She worked for 50 years, has a college degree and CPA.

    Unfortunately, while I inherited the autism from her, I did NOT inherit her executive function, and with the medications for bipolar, my memory is shot.

    Mother is now 83 and as autistic as ever. But, with two bipolar daughters, she is the voice of sanity in the wilderness.
     
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  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I was very verbal very early, but always struggled in school...academically, socially, with organazation, in gym where nobody wanted the klutz on their team etc. College was out. I couldn't learn the conventional ways and my non verbal learning disability was worse than my aspie traits. I tried to form a legacy of doing good and loving...did foster care and adoption and one kid who is so special had special needs. I helped rescue animals. I made a loving family.

    There are worse things than the spectrum such as being mean and nasty or sadly fighting with beloved children. My life turned out pretty good. Now I just understand why I struggled in some areas, and dont feel, as I used to feel, that I am/was a loser. My parents and sibs did not understand me, but, hey, nobody understood people like me back then (shrug).
     
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