I'm new here and so grateful that this space exists! Okay here is the background... I am a single mother of a 17 year old bi-racial son, his ethnicity matters because it's part of his identity conflict. I am white and his father is Jamaica, he identifies as black and is very much attached to negative imagery that is promulgated by the hip hop culture. He seems to value being a thug. His father re-married when he was 6, he was never an active parent but until 12 he was at least somewhat involved if emotionally absent. His father has 2 other sons that he parents like he means it; something that aggravates my son's sense of abandonment. My boy started acting out in grade 8 but always showed signs of difficulty with rule conformity. It started with negative friends, running away when he was mad at me and escalated to violence against me and destruction in the home. By the time he hit grade 9 (high school) he stopped attending and started selling weed. He was arrested for break and enter, that was dropped after he did counselling I arranged as a diversion. I am in law enforcement so I know the criminal justice system and have lots of contacts. Then he got arrested in a ghetto neighbourhood for drug trafficking and possesion of a weapon, an illegal baton. I bailed him out and he resolved these charges through another diversion for young offenders. But he is still selling weed and smoking daily. I had him committed to the hospital 2 years ago when he ran away and expressed suicidal ideation. He was diagnosed with conduct disorder, depression, anxiety and insomnia. He is medication compliant and the aggression has stopped altogether. He has had the same girlfriend for 3 years, a nice girl who is on the honour role and university bound. But she is in my home almost all the time, they stay in his room, smoke weed and have sex. Most recently I was hospitalized myself for stress, partly owing to him, but also burn out from being a first responder and post traumatic stress. Last week he stole my car, crashed it and wrecked it, he was under the influence. I had to keep this off the books only because my insurance would be cancelled if they found out he stole it. If you have car insurance cancelled you become a high risk, almost impossible to get another carrier. I did not want to protect him from charges but it would have meant I lose insurance and in turn can't do my job. I am the sole bread winner and support my widowed father too, we live together. I often wonder if I should kick him out? What is going to be my breaking point? What I've come up with here is that I would be more anxious with him on the street than living as we are...but that balance is harder and harder to negotiate. I'm looking for support, guidance, options. I have tried everything and he is 100% defiant. I am no longer physically afraid of him, but that's because I once defended myself when he attacked me and that ended the aggression. I know I am enabling him in some ways, but I fear that kicking him out will only make him more strident in his downward path. Anything helps...I'm afraid for him and also concerned his behaviour could cost me my job which would be catastrophic.