no's are not good.....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jena, Sep 28, 2008.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member

    ok so difficult child has been rough today wow, we had our good moments but she's that how our children are? sometimes it confuses me whether it's behavioral or their issues at work or both?

    that always confuses me. boy she doesn't take no's well at all, it's like a struggle some days. my older one sat there today and said ok am i the only one who sees how insane this gets? she's very manipulative in her ways, very nasty at times, then next minute after name calling me or her sister she flips script and well say oh i love you so much. your head's still spinning from what they did prior.

    i guess we all go thru this, huh...? don't you ever wonder at times if it's simply behavioral?
  2. Pookybear66

    Pookybear66 New Member

    Yes, Jennifer, I have the same situation. My ds is 8 1/2 and he hates the word no. He will say " All you ever do is say no! Don't you know any other word besides no? No,no,no that's all I ever hear!"
    When he is done ranting, I simply say "Yes there are other words I know and can say to you, but right now no is the answer." THAT infuriates him but if I give in I know it won't be the right thing. Read my post in response to Good Day Sunday on the general forum for a synopsis of today's events. Exactly this very thing you brought up.
    Sometimes if he gets really "pissy" I remind him that the next time he wants to go to the movies I could say no, or that Mommy sometimes has to hear the word no. Whatever, other thing that will distract him from his rants, but it doesn't always work!
  3. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    for some of our difficult children it might be behavioral only, for some it might not be behavioral at all. and it could be anything in between. Yes, some of the kids can really switch from one feeling to another just that fast. I am sure they do not understand why we can't. some of them just "switch" that fast, and some do not have it inside them to need to switch. - they can simply really be all kinds of emotions etc at the same time.
    Yes, "no" does trigger a whole lot of the kids here.......

    Thinking of their control over their outbursts and symptoms? Sure some of them might be able to have control over it, and behav mod might work great. But for some, depending on what their ultimate diagnosis is and how any medications might work, it can be kinda like um, an asthma attaack. Good luck trying to get a kid to not have an asthma attack by useing behav mod. For some of our kids eventually diagnosis might come to be atypical seizures or ?? any number of things......that could very well be a reason for some of the symptoms beyond their willfull control.
  4. Jena

    Jena New Member

    it's wild, huh..? My oldest was so different, no diagnosis no need to ever bring her to dr. yet difficult child everything today set her off. i stayed ontop of her at every turn, i've begun being stronger with her again. not that i let her get away with much before but i wasn't as vigilant and i know consistency is key. yet wow today even after we did a puzzle together it was clean up time that was amelt down i actually had to get up and physically hold her hands and go down to her level. she is very defiant. yet i kept pluggin away and wouldn't give in. i have not medicated her yet. i'm still on the fence in regards to medication teh dr. prescribed. i've got call into him yet haven't heard from him as of yet.
  5. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    with no medications on board you may not get anywhere but getting you bboth escalated depending on what her ultimate diagnosis turns out to be. It is posssible she might not be able to have control over some of these behaviors, and it might work to everyones advantage to read about the basket methods, and choose your battles carefully and let some things slide for now. depending on how her brain is functioing her reality may be very different than yours and lessons may not be able to be learned.
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    "No" is definitely a trigger for my difficult child. We try to use it as little as possible. We give him other choices, tell him we'll talk about it later, etc... but still "no" is said and it is a huge trigger.

    My difficult child's moods can change very quickly but I don't think (for him) it's totally behavioral. I don't know how to explain it but it's like his mood truly changes very quickly. After he just does something really rude, he will ask you to play with him (he truly doesn't get it).
  7. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    depending on whats going on in her brain, physically, or chemically could be similar to say an asthmatic child, who is haveing an asthma can use all the behaviro mod in the world but, the child is not going to be able to stop the asthma attack once things have started to move into an asthma attack. It does partly depend on just what IS going on in your childs brain.
  8. Jena

    Jena New Member

    deamer - great point that you made. you are correct pick and chose. i'm all messed up this week the pressure of what school's doing has me so on edge not to mention the j*rk i live with lol......

    wiped out yes same exact thing with-my difficult child. one minute she'll call me a name and be totally difficult and nasty the next minute she's asking if i can color with her.......totally baffling. i got so accustomed to my eldest with whom is such a typical kid that when she was mad she was mad with reason it would stay that way till she cooled down, when she was happy the same. yet difficult child is all over the place with stuff.

    dreamer thanks for bringing that to my attention
  9. Lillyth

    Lillyth New Member

    Wow, dreamer, what a great way to put it! (I especially relate because I am an asthmatic).

    I think, Jennifer, from what I read, it sounds like your difficult child really has something organic going on that needs to get handled.

    What about diet? Have you tried diet changes?

    My son had HUGE problems with dairy & was eating almost nothing but yogurt...
  10. Jena

    Jena New Member

    organic? we tried diet changes she only likes certain foods so that was rough she'd rather she's got alot going on
  11. Lillyth

    Lillyth New Member

    Organic, meaning a medical, physical condition, rather than just being a pain...
  12. Jena

    Jena New Member

    sorry lack of sleep has me dillussional......... i knew that lol.
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I agree, Jennifer, it can be both. Also, all kids flip back and forth quickly--just watch a toddler who falls and screams bloody murder, but if you hold up a toy or cookie, they smile and get right back up. So multiply it a zillion times for our g'sfg, and there ya go. :)
    My son doesn't go back and forth as quickly as your daughter but still, it's hard for me to want to share a hug when I'm still steaming. It's really hard to detach.
  14. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I wondered the same thing about Miss KT, and still ask myself how much of her craziness is something she can control, but doesn't want to. I don't know. I think that's where a lot of my frustration with her is based, since she can be nice as pie one minute and punching holes in the wall the next.