Not Sure How To Get The Doctors To Listen.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Oneandonly, Oct 31, 2013.


Does my child sound like he had Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)

  1. Yes

    0 vote(s)
  2. No

    3 vote(s)
  3. Maybe

    1 vote(s)
  4. Don't Know

    1 vote(s)
  1. Oneandonly

    Oneandonly New Member

    Hi, I'm new here thank you for letting me join in. I'm not sure I am putting this in the right part i don't use forums normally but I am in the biggest pickle ever...

    I will try my hardest to keep this short and sweet and not bore you to death... But I would love some input if you think my son could have Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD).. Many thanks.

    Where do I start i guess at the beginning... I had a little bit of a problematic pregnancy and then my son was born at 32 weeks and 3 days. I was in labour for 30 hours as the hospital was holding off the birth of my son as long as possible... Well he was born he was tube feed for a while but soon as he was on bottles he ate loads more than most children his age group 9oz every 2 hours...

    As he grew he hit all his mile stone even became dry at night by the age of 2... Growing up he was a very affectionate child cared for everyone and everything. But when he was about 4 years old there was a big fire that rocked houses and tore down buildings local to us... Our house shock so bad and the blaze went on for days. It was all over the tv and my son became completely scared of fires...

    This is where his personality changed he went from that caring child to a angry child. He wouldn't do anything he was asked he would seem to for get what you asked of him. He started defecating in a small cupboard in his room and if we was lucky he would go on the toilet but then he would rub it all over the walls and doors. He had to be supervised all the time he just couldn't be trusted... He stopped looking at us in the eye always looking at the floor no matter how much we asked him to look at us he just wouldn't do it... He stopped cuddling us unless he wanted to hurt us it was like he wanted to show people that where round he loved us but he would pinch or ding his nails into your back or arm... If he played with my hair he would pull it and twist it so it was so painful even pull strands out... In this time is anger got worse and he started lashing out for no real reason on his little sister who was 3 years under him... He would push her and kick her stabbing her with pencils and a small toy screw driver he had for his macrno. Stealing things from around the house eating loads before anyone woke in the morning hardly ever sleeping more than 5 hours a night...

    When my daughter was 5 she had cancer and my son behaviour just escalated to what you wouldn't believe. He was 8 at this point and his attitude was so bad... He started hurting his sister more in private but would show affection when people where round. He resented myself and my daughter... His behavior was so much better for his father even now it's much better... (Will come to that in a mo)... He started playing with lighters that where in the cupboard setting things a light in his room...

    He is now 12 in just a few short weeks and he is now stealing things from our bedroom even if we took his consoles or mobile away from his due to his bad behaviour he would just go right into our room and steal it back... He will break everything in sight like today he broke the remote the surround sound unit my glass laptop table, threw my laptop and stealing loads of pack lunch food i have just brought for their return back to school monday... When I tried to speak to him he looked at the floor and said I'm only sorry I got caught... What child says this and thinks that is ok to say??? He will hug me but only to hurt me... I was watching a very sad film with him last night and he laughed at the bit where the child died in the movie... He had no emotion towards it... He sat right up close as if to want a cuddle but the whole time he was fidgeting and poking pinching and pulling at my clothes and hair... He will not go to sleep before 11-12 at night and he gets up about 2 I have to tell him bed and then he goes back but you will hear him messing about when it goes silent I think its safe to sleep but he's back up by 4-4:30 every morning... I'm so tired he has got even worse since his father started night shift... He will mess me about and he will make sure I get almost no sleep... How he has so much go in him I don't understand... He has taken his handle off his bedroom door so we can't get in there his room is ALWAYS a mess. He has little respect...

    However he will show love and affection to his god parents... He will speak politely and always says please and thank you. He will always be this perfect child...His school said he's a perfect straight A student.... I don't understand why he's so bad for us we have rules and boundaries we have timed breakfast dinners and tea's and bedtimes... He know what the consequences are for his regular bad acts like stealing will be he loses the item for 3 days steals it again its another 3 days steal it again it's another 3 days... This does not stop my child...

    We have done parenting classes we have taken him to a place called cahms they said he didn't have ADHD or ADD due to him being a perfect student he is obsessed with numbers... We have had a medical parenting nurse come to our home and she said she was even stumped at what to do and took us off her list for help and told us to do more parenting classes... She said ignore his bad behaviour let him do what he's doing he will get bored... This does not work.. He gets worse to even hurting the animals he killed his stick insects with neglect... He will kick, poke and pinch my guide dog.... He's not got many friends never gets invited to other peoples houses not even my sister will take him on for a few hours because she knows he will bounce off the walls for her and do everything she asks him not too... He is still wiping poop on the walls and weeing all over my floor and seat of the toilet at his age now...

    Sorry this has gone on long enough there is so so much more but I feel I have probably bored you all to death by now... I want to thank you in advance for all your help and support... With love from a desperate mother xxxx
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi. Sorry you are having a hard time, but glad you found us. I am puzzled about your son totally. It does not sound like anything really happened that would have caused Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Did he have any breaks or chaos or changes in his caregivers due to divorce or anything from infancy to now? Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) behavior is due to a break in the bond between caregivers. Sounds like the fire set off his behaviors, but have no idea why. Post traumatic stress disorder, if that's what it is, does not, as far as I know, manifest in a child suddenly acting like he has symptoms of conduct disorder. Are you sure there was no sign before then that your child was in any way differently wired? Did anything else significant maybe happen in your family near the same time as the fire, such as divorce? Has he ever seen abuse or been abused? Is his father son's bio. dad?

    I am also wondering what country you live in. Australia? Every country has it's own path to getting the proper evaluations and help for your child. What we do in the US is probably pretty useless for you, wherever you live.

    I do think you need to make very sure that your daughter is not alone with your son and that your son has an alarm on his door at night so he can't sneak out of his room without waking you in the middle of the night. You don't want him to sneak into sister's room. Has he ever acted out sexually or spoken a lot about inappropriate sexual stuff?

    Whatever kicked off his behaviors, he is very dangerous right now. You need to take good care of yourself and your dog and the rest of your family. Even if he behaved normally before the fire, he is acting like he has Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) now, whether he does or doesn't and is behaving as if he has no conscience. These children must be monitored 24/7. Good luck finding the cause and getting help. It sounds like more than ADHD or Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) to me...but he could have either of those or both on top of something bigger.
  3. Oneandonly

    Oneandonly New Member

    Thank you for your reply,

    The only break he's had from me is when I have been in hospital due to my illness, I can't remember when they were but they was pretty often and when my daughter had her cancer I had to be away from the home from one week to the next getting her treatment done...

    He had one girl lay ontop of him making sexual noises but nothing wet on.. It wasn't till about 9 years old when another girl sexually assaulted both my son and daughter police where involved and so was social services... But that issue never started this behaviour off.. I can only think of the buncefield explosion as to when he changed. He was scared of loads of things and was always obsessed with round things as a baby used them like steering wheels and wheels on cars.. He would spin objects for hours... Now hes obsessed with violence we can't even let him watch comfo panda for he will start kicking and hitting... He's holding onto light fittings and swinging from them, pulling them out of the ceiling. We live in the UK...

    Again thank you for your help
  4. jal

    jal Member

    I am so sorry for what you are going through. I can relate minimally on certain behaviors but not on many others. Others will be along to give info/wisdom/support. Glad you found us but sorry you had to.
  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Oh my.
    I'm going to guess (just one parent to another) that you have a really really complex kid... the kind that even a pretty comprehensive diagnosis list Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) or Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified doesn't fully cover.
    Some of what you describe - like the "spinning things" being an obsession, and then later violence being an obsession - definitely has shades of Aspergers/Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)/Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified. Kids on the spectrum CAN be "perfect students" - and still be very much on the spectrum. You may need an evaluator who is more familiar with high-IQ, high-functioning cases.

    I haven't found this documented by researchers yet, but we found that kids can become insecurely attached, at points after age 3. This means that they do not and cannot have a Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) diagnosis, as the early years were stable and nurturing, and they did learn how to form fairly secure attachments. But then some extreme life experiences come along and knock them down, stretch and strain their sense of attachment. We had to bring one of our kids back from this.

    If he is on the spectrum, then punishment doesn't work. For some spectrumish kids, rewards can have an impact, but they have to be pretty much immediate, as delayed gratification isn't a strong point for these kids. They do thrive on order, consistent rules... but it's hard to add in rules or start enforcing rules, if they have been inconsistently applied in the past.

    Have you ever run across the book "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene? We found it helpful in adjusting our thinking about our challenging kids.
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Is it possible that it is PTSD resulting from the fire/explosion when he was four? Obviously he is troubled and your post makes it sound as though he was flourishing prior to that and then began going down hill. I do not have any personal knowledge about PTSD but when thinking of your child it dawned on me that children who are exposed to very fearful events often require psychological interventions. Have any professionals pursued that thought? Sending hugs of support. DDD
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Insane C, if I could "like" your post I would have.

    Yes, there have been newer studies to show that attachment bonds can be broken at later times. We must have read the same But I don't see anything in the history showing poor attachment. I agree that there is a lot of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) behavior there, but doesn't seem to be the entire picture.

    I think your post was very good in general. This kiddo is a really hard one to brainstorm on. It really will take a neuropsychologist or some other high level diagnostician to even try to sort out the problem here or what set him off.
  8. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Well, the first thing that jumps out at me is that not only was there the trauma of a big fire, but at around the same time - there was also the "trauma" of adding a new baby to the household.

    I would be more inclined to believe a spectrum-ish kid with PTSD before I would guess Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). in my humble opinion, there just isn't anything in the history that would suggest he did not properly bond to you when he was very little.

    Is he *acting* like he has Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) ? Yep - sounds like it....but it is the history PLUS behaviors and not just current behaviors that earns the diagnosis.
  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im with the others on thinking this isnt Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) but a combo of issues. PTSD is certainly a possibility. I was sexually abused around age 3 1/2 and it made a huge impact on my whole personality.

    I will take leap here and say that he may have the beginnings of conduct disorder and that when he turns 18 they will change that to a personality disorder. For some reason they cant diagnose a personality disorder before age 18 which I think is stupid. Does this diagnosis arrive on a person's birthday all wrapped up in a pretty package? LOL. The kid acts the same way on the day before his birthday as he does on the day after. Mental illnesses dont know how to count ages.
  10. M0M

    M0M New Member

    Sounds like PTSD and that he could benefit from behavior cognitive therapy.