OK Warrior Parents - I Need Some Ideas Please....

[DaisyFace]

A few days ago, I posted about difficult child just laying around doing nothing except making nasty comments...

Obviously, this is not good. Not really bad (compared to other problems we've had) - but not good. So on the one hand, I want to encourage difficult child to get up off her duff and do something positive...

But now for the other hand -

We live in a neighborhood that has a lot of sidewalks and trails. GREAT for walking, bike-riding etc. (Also great for walking to apply for a JOB - but that's another thing). But difficult child, of course, does not like walking or riding her bike for recreation...she prefers to lay on the couch. Every once in a blue moon - difficult child will announce that she'd like to go for a walk around the block....but since she's diametrically opposed to physical exertion - we've been suspicious of her motives. And we've been right. Each and every time difficult child has gone out for a "walk" - she ends up meeting up with some guy.

It happened again yesterday. It was a GORGEOUS day, just beautiful weather....so when difficult child announced that it was such a nice day she wanted to go for a "walk" - (like an idiot) I actually felt proud that she was getting up and doing something active. She went around the block and came right back (about 10 minutes) - I was SOOO proud of her. Yay! Exercise!

That is - I was soo proud until the guy she was supposed to meet up with showed up at the house wanting to know why difficult child had missed their rendezvous. Turned out that difficult child had taken her "walk" too early and the guy hadn't been home yet....

Oh the things that make a mother proud!

So what did I do? I accused difficult child of being a liar right there on the front steps....and then

I invited this young man in.

Heh! Heh! Heh!



difficult child was angry and embrassed that now this guy was seated in our living room. She just sat there glaring at me. The friend was nervous and had no idea how to act. The two of them just sat there on opposite couches...

So, being the good mother and wonderful hostess that I am, I sat down and had a conversation with the young man. Asked where he lived, where he went to school....stuff like that. difficult child just sat there giving me dirty looks.

After a few minutes, I told him it was lovely meeting him and difficult child and I walked him to the door....where difficult child muttered that she would see him tomorrow.

As soon as the door closed behind him - difficult child launched into a big explanation (all bs of course)...but I just ignored her and walked away. She was angry with me for the rest of the night. Oh well!!!!

So now I have a dilemma. What am I supposed to do with this kid? She drives me nuts laying around on the couch all day - BUT getting up and heading outdoors is obviously a problem. She lost her computer priviledges because of inappropriate behavior....ditto for cell phone....and we had already told her previously that school activities are out until she gets her grades up....

So what the heck am I supposed to do with her?

Other than strangling...that sort of thing...

Any clever, creative, devious ideas???

 

[AnnieO]

...If you know where he lives...

Any way of "having coffee" with his mom???

Or... If she wants to take a walk... "Hey what a great idea, let me grab my jacket (shoes, etc)... (Walking around the block won't kill anyone, even me, and I don't exercise.

Ever.

 

[DaisyFace]

...If you know where he lives...

Any way of "having coffee" with his mom???

Nope - he comes from a broken home. Lives with his brother - but because his brother is a pain....he wants to move back in with his Mom...or maybe his Dad...

So BIG red flags for difficult child-dom. Bragged that he was taking eight classes (even though the school day is only set up for seven) - and then there was a confusing story about the grades in those classes...

So it's clear why difficult child and this kid get along.

 

[DaisyFace]

...Or... If she wants to take a walk... "Hey what a great idea, let me grab my jacket (shoes, etc)... (Walking around the block won't kill anyone, even me, and I don't exercise.

Ever.

Yes - that was my first thought, too...

But knowing my difficult child - she would change "talk a walk" to "ride my bike"...

I'll have to see whether my own bike is in any condition to ride.

 

[buddy]

Is she buying drugs from him? Short walks doesn't sound like a date unless a quick hook up... (not to be crass, just wondering about her safety which of course I am sure you are already thinking too.....sigh...just so sorry)

So, if she is not into physical activities is she at all interested in art types of things, drama, community ed teen art classes or pottery or jewelry making classes (lots of bead stores have classes for that kind of thing) etc? May sound lame but just ideas. (yoga types of classes would be great too...maybe martial arts but at this point she may think they are too physical)

What about a mentor? Any types of programs out there where a work experience, someone who has a cool career/house/car could share how she got there and talk with her? Or even a college mentor...showing her how fun it is to be in college and all the things it has to offer? I dont know your difficult child at all or if that is even on her radar but again, just throwing out any idea and of course if it is totally inappropriate I understand...lol.

 

[DaisyFace]

Is she buying drugs from him? Short walks doesn't sound like a date unless a quick hook up... (not to be crass, just wondering about her safety which of course I am sure you are already thinking too.....sigh...just so sorry)

So, if she is not into physical activities is she at all interested in art types of things, drama, community ed teen art classes or pottery or jewelry making classes (lots of bead stores have classes for that kind of thing) etc? May sound lame but just ideas. (yoga types of classes would be great too...maybe martial arts but at this point she may think they are too physical)

What about a mentor? Any types of programs out there where a work experience, someone who has a cool career/house/car could share how she got there and talk with her? Or even a college mentor...showing her how fun it is to be in college and all the things it has to offer? I dont know your difficult child at all or if that is even on her radar but again, just throwing out any idea and of course if it is totally inappropriate I understand...lol.

Well....I don't think it's drugs. The "quicky" is much more likely (it's been a problem before).

She's taken martial arts in the past - which she then turned around and used those skills to beat up on other kids. Other classes might be a possibility though...

 

[exhausted]

difficult child and I do yoga videos sometimes. She also has to cook for the family a few nights a week. NAMI has a group for teens where they learn about their mental illness and become mentors themselves. My difficult child is not interested and is not in the position at this time, but??? Horse riding? Volunteer work at a shelter?

 

[klmno]

If they want to see each other, it has to be either at home with you there or someplace you take them - they can get exercise at a skating rink.

 

[trinityroyal]

DF, If you're determined to keep difficult child from getting up to no good, then it seems like the only way is to keep her under 24/7 supervision.

When difficult child was on house arrest for a year, about 5 years ago, husband and I had to do this. We were his sureties, so he had to be under direct eye contact at all times when he was outside the house. This meant that husband or I had to take him with us everywhere. There were several days when I had to take difficult child to work with me -- including sitting in on meetings -- because he had to be within my sight.

Frankly this was WAY harder on husband and me than it was on difficult child. But it was a requirement. So...if difficult child wants to meet with her friend, he has to come over to your house and sit under your watchful eye. If you need to go out, difficult child has to come with you. If difficult child wants to go out, you have to go with her. It will get old in a hurry.

The other possibility is to leave her to it, but report her every time she does something that can endanger you, your son or your husband -- including property, and things for which you can be held liable.

Not sure if either of these is a viable option, but there the only 2 I can think of.

 

[DammitJanet]

Invite said young man to your house...always. If difficult child wants to see this boy, let her, but at your home. Be uber nice to him and make all sorts of lovely snacks. Set up the dvd player and have popcorn. It will drive her nuts...lol.

 

[HaoZi]

It might be easier it ensure that her bike isn't able to be ridden than to ensure your bike can be. A simple tool can accomplish much towards taking walks together.

 

[tiredmommy]

And make sure you show lots of baby pictures of difficult child and say that you hope her first baby is as cute as she was... maybe he won't be as interested in hooking up.

Also, don't you have some gardening or other yard work that you need help with? Inform difficult child that your family will be (tackling the flower beds, repainting the deck, cleaning the garage, etc) and that boyfriend is more than welcome to help. Make them too tired to be sneaking off.

 

[klmno]

OMG, Tm- that is good!!! I didn't know you had that in you!

 

[tiredmommy]

KLMNO~ That's the tame version. The really cruel version is to earnestly tell boyfriend that difficult child seems hellbent to get her own baby by sleeping around as much as possible. He could be her baby daddy by the end of the year if he plays his cards right.

Either way, difficult child will be furious and probably scare him off with her reaction.

 

[klmno]

Well, I'm thinking I would be ok with a mom telling my son this if a girl is interested in him as a teen and I'm thinking that if I was a mom of a teen girl who was at-risk, I'd be ok with that, too. Good job. TM!!

 

[DaisyFace]

KLMNO~ That's the tame version. The really cruel version is to earnestly tell boyfriend that difficult child seems hellbent to get her own baby by sleeping around as much as possible. He could be her baby daddy by the end of the year if he plays his cards right.

Either way, difficult child will be furious and probably scare him off with her reaction.

LOL! I love this!!!

 

[TerryJ2]

LOL! Both in regard to inviting him in and scaring him off.
Except that with-difficult child's, they think differently. It could backfire.
Gosh, I don't know what to advise.