OMG OMG OMG It's worse than I thought

[klmno]

I like that term too. I never would have dreamed it would be so hard to parent a teen. But at this age, they are old enough to think they can do whatever adults do and that they know everything they need to but they are not mature enough to know what they don't know. Throw in the irresponsibility and other characteristics of being a difficult child and damaged parental bond that worsens the longer the difficult child is out of the home and I'm clueless.

JJJ, I understood everything you said in the one paragraph about people not wanting their kids to hang around yours, etc. It is a shame that our difficult children can't see one bit of the life we know they could have had- not ideal and perfect but it could have been better than what they are currently living.

 

[KTMom91]

Sending more hugs.

 

[timer lady]

JJJ, sending the gentlest of hugs.

 

[JJJ]

Residential Treatment Center (RTC) Nurse took her to the md and Kanga admitted the sex but refused an exam stating that she wanted to wait for me to take her as previously scheduled in 3 weeks. MD wrote a note to gyn that based on what Kanga said she needs a full STD workup including HIV. But apparently Kanga has changed her story again so the nurse is not sure what happened in reality, what happened in Kanga's delusions and/or if she is lying. The nurse is not part of the investigation so hopefully those who spoke with the boy. the staff and any witnesses will be able to give me a better answer next week.

I'm better (emotionally) this afternoon. I cannot control her behaviors. I have done everything I can to give her the best possible chance at a good life. So far, she choose her path of self-destruction and all I can do is continue to advocate the she get the services that give her the best possible chance of a safe, criminal free life. And keep the rest of my family safe by keeping her away from them.

 

[DDD]

I can only send you caring supportive thoughts. I'm so sorry. DDD

 

[idohope]

Glad you are doing better emotionally this afternoon. You have done your best and her behaviors are the reflection of mental illness and not your values.

Hang in there and keep up your efforts in getting her the best services you can and keeping the others safe.

 

[susiestar]

Sending support and gentle hugs. If you are with her can she still refuse an exam? I know in some areas a child can refuse medical care starting as early as 13 or 14. I am lucky in that our state very few docs will let a child make the final decision on ANY health care issue. The child can take the matter to a judge but few judges will permit them to refuse care recommended by a doctor or parent. If Kanga has this "right" to refuse treatment I hope and pray no one tells her!

You are coping amazingly well with this. It probably doesn't feel that way to you, but you are. She isn't just lucky to have you and husband for parents, she is BLESSED. Regardless of what she thins.

I just hope your other kids are smart enough to refuse contact with her when they are adults.

 

[JJJ]

Yes, Kanga can refuse medical care relating to all obgyn and psychiatric issues. She knows this because since the age of 12 she has had to sign all of the paperwork for her mental health treatment. She can get obgyn treatment with me even knowing about it but I believe pysch treatment requires both of us to agree or it doesn't happen. She is refusing to take some supplements and I insisted that they document that I object. I do believe this is the beginning of medication refusal - I really hope we can get the implant into her before she baulks at that. We are going to use a carrot and stick approach to get her to agree. We are going to offer her money to do it and if she still refuses then we will not take her off campus until she complies.

 

[susiestar]

Wouldn't you LOVE to find out who had the brilliant idea to let a 12yo have the final say in any aspect of her healthcare?? So we could send a bunch of young teens who refuse mental health care to go live with them for a year? The thing that astounds me is that other people AGREED with whomever had this incredibly stupid idea and it became pulic policy.

I think the carrot/stick idea is a good one. Just make sure that you have some other sticks to wield if need be. Maybe revoke permission for her to do something at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) that you had to specially agree to?

Is there any way a judge could overrule her right to make these decisions based on her mental instability?

I hope and pray that she does not start medication refusal until she gets the implants. And that she doesn't try to remove them herself. I knew some teens who did this - they ended up really mutilating themselves and every one of them hid it and ended up with serious infections.

 

[JJJ]

I'm not too worried about her taking it out - I think she'll forget it is there and she is not a cutter. I don't know if a judge would order her to be on birth control - judges don't seem to want to interfere with reproductive rights even when it is clear to everyone that allowing a psychotic, mentally ill institutionalized child to reproduce.

 

[klmno]

We have that here, too. I haven't quite figured out yet why difficult child can refuse to let me know his psychiatric care now and he had the right to refuse to take medications while in Department of Juvenile Justice, however, I potentially can be court ordered to take medications for familial tremors.

 

[gcvmom]

I cannot control her behaviors. I have done everything I can to give her the best possible chance at a good life. So far, she choose her path of self-destruction and all I can do is continue to advocate the she get the services that give her the best possible chance of a safe, criminal free life. And keep the rest of my family safe by keeping her away from them.

You have a very good grasp of the situation -- and really this is all anyone could be expected to do for her. I'm sorry and am sending more hugs...

 

[CrazyinVA]

I'm so sorry, JJJ. If it's any help, I understand some of what you are feeling. Youngest was extremely hypersexual in high school. She had four.. count em, four.. HIV tests in a one year span, because she "couldn't stop herself" from having sex with random boys. She would not, or could not, say no, and of course the more that got around, the more boys came around knowing she'd "give it up." There was one almost-public incident in particular that mortified me, the details of which were spread all over school. This wasn't "normal" teenage experimentation either, this was uncontrolled mental illness/mania, in her case. It didn't stop until she finally got into an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and was stabilized on medications. I realize for your difficult child, it is much more complicated than that.

Hugs.

 

[JJJ]

I updated in this thread: http://www.conductdisorders.com/forum/f6/kanga-karma-34988/