One thing we tend to forget when we are worrying about the consequences our grown kids have (my daughter was sued and owed $14,000 once for a driving accident that was her fault), that our kids have victims who they hurt. And they have mothers too...and other loved ones. Drug addiction hurts other people. Drug addicts, according to my daughter who was one, try to encourage others to use drugs and, if they are starting to experiment, try to encourage them to use stronger, more dangerous drugs. Some of these people could be minors. Drug addicts don't have a conscience while they are using drugs. They also steal from innocent people, including family, to supplement their addiction. And they assault people and that is plenty serious. The person in the car, driving normally, while my daughter was driving under the influence was her victim. 36 has many victims, including family.
So while we feel for our kids and some parents try to save them jail/prison...their victim is probably hoping they don't get out because until they are sober (and some of our difficult children aren't that nice even while sober), they can hurt others again. It is not useful or even true to blame "the other guy" when our grown adult children behave in a criminal manner. Nobody makes them do anything. They choose to hang around with criminals and criminals commit crimes and they know that, if they are with them, crimes are going to happen. My daughter was sitting in a car (confirmed by police) when her "friends" robbed a liquor store and she was damned lucky she did or said the things that made the cop who busted them go soft on her. She was a minor and a pretty girl...maybe that was it. The others all did time. I asked my daughter after she quit if she knew they were going to do the robbery, since she is now honest. She said she didn't know, but she DID know that they were up to something and she was excited and wanted to be in on it and that she knew dang well that the people were always doing bad things. Our adult children are not stupid. They know.
Thought I'd put a word in for the victims of our difficult children because my two extreme PCs were victims of a crazed psycho foster/adopted child and both were sexually abused for a few years by him. Long story, most know it. Some people thought hubby and I were horrible to throw him out of our house. I will never be sorry. The county charged him with sexual assault of a minor when he was only thirteen because the kids were six years younger than him. I'm sorry that he was so damaged he can't live in a family, but I can not bring myself to feel sorry for him even these many years later.
It took me years and years not to point fingers at "the other guy." Especially with 36, my first child, he spent his entire childhood victimizing others and having me march to school or to other parent's homes, etc. to defend him and blame THEM. Yeah, I was bad that way. I didn't want to admit I had a differentlywired-in-a-bad-way child. I loved him so much. I couldn't face it. It was like physically being slapped over and over again and I would not stare the truth in the face. He had been at it for so long by the time he was 25 that I was numb by then, so I do get it. And I'm sorry for anyone else who has to have this experience.