Question about easy child and long distance trip

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by hearthope, Jul 4, 2007.

  1. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    My easy child has dreamed of New York for as long as I can remember. She has pics, signs, etc. covering the walls of her room.

    I tend to be overprotective of her and I wanted to get some advice from others on this. It was brought up today at our family gathering and I just laughed but other family members told me I should consider it ~ (she will be 18 in Jan)

    She has a really good guy friend she works with. Currently, they just enjoy hanging out and spending off time together. He is really nice ( or a really good conartist,lol) he met most of the extended family today and easy child has met his family.

    Well, he returns to school in New York on aug. 23. That just so happens to be the same date of a V-ball tournament that easy child has wanted to go to. They got the greatest idea of easy child driving up with him and flying back after the tournament. I just laughed and said yea, that will happen. But she had gone around to her grandmother and aunts and uncles that are different ages to get their input and after her and her friend left we all talked about it and it was 50/50 on letting her go. I was called a prude and I told I need to let her live some!

    What do you all think? She has only known this guy a mth. he is 20 yrs old
     
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ok...she will be 17.5 years old. He is 20. He is in college. She is a responsible young lady who gives you no trouble. She works right? She drives responsibly right? Has she driven that distance before by herself? Does she have a cell phone?

    What would the room accommodations be like where she would be staying? Can you verify this? Should you verify this?

    Personally I was driving to Cape Cod at 16 by myself from Richmond VA. Would I have let my boys? Hell NO!!! They didnt even have licenses at 16...lol. They werent responsible enough. I was.

    If your daughter is a responsible kid and she seems to be, then I would let her go. She is almost 18 and she cant do anything now that she cant do in 6 months from now. Heck, if she really wanted to do something bad with this guy, she could do it while he was here and you wouldnt know it. I vote for letting her go to something she really wants to do. She will thank you for it but do take safety precautions of making sure she has the phone and maps and all that jazz.
     
  3. amstrong

    amstrong New Member

    I tend to agree with Janet. If it were my difficult child--uh, no! It seems like she is a responsible level headed kid and I am thinking it would be ok as long as you know the itinerary, she has a phone and there are agreed upon check ins, etc. If the guy doesn't make your radar go off, then he is probably a really good guy. Like Janet said, if she wanted to do bad things, she wouldn't have to go all the way to New York.

    Just my 2 cents.
     
  4. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Another vote for loosening the apron strings. She's proven she's a responsible young woman. She's making sensible plans. The young man knows NYC and can keep her from going to dangerous parts.

    If all is kosher so far as you know, let her start spreading her wings a little.
     
  5. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I'd vote for a yes, but I would want to meet (or at least talk to) his parents first.
     
  6. mum2JK&TH

    mum2JK&TH New Member

    Ditto to all of the above. Sounds like a great opportunity for her and if she's responsible I would let her go as long as he seems sane.
     
  7. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Wow, I feel like a real poop now. My first thought was no. And my reasons were:

    1. She's ONLY known him for one month. Realistically, neither easy child nor you know anything about him except that he seems nice and he goes to college in NY. In the upcoming months, they can get to know one another better and then make a decision.

    2. She can wait until she is 18 to go visit him for a long weekend. By the time that rolls around, she may have changed her mind about spending her time with HIM in NY and go with a different friend instead - and probably have more fun.

    3. What she could do now she could do when she's 18 may very well be true, however, if some emergency situation occurs, she will be considered underage and a parent's attendance will be necessary, depending on what the emergency is.

    I am from NY LI and I love visiting NYC - it is awesome and can be an intoxicating place to visit. I can see why your easy child would want to go there, but personally, I would not want my girls, either easy child or difficult child going to NYC alone with a new friend at 17. Even easy child, who was by far the most responsible and alert kid at that age - I would not allow it unless there were fully grown adults present (and in my opinion, 20 does not make a fully grown adult). We live in northern CT and I won't even let difficult child drive to Bridgeport to catch the ferry alone!! Haha - I guess I would be considered overly cautious about long distance travel, however, locally, I'm fairly free. Heck, easy child just drove from CT to VA and I went with her - SHE asked me to!!

    Go with your gut. If you think she will be okay and this guy is a nice guy and you're comfortable with it, then likely everything will be fine. If you have reservations, think them through - there may be some reason that is causing you to reconsider. Good luck.
     
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    LOL...I went to NYC at 15 but it was with a boyfriend and we stayed in his fathers brownstone so that may not count. Of course, I also went up in a single engine plane with that same boyfriend and flew all over the east coast with him too! ALONE!!!!

    The things I did with him at the age of 15 and 16 I would never have allowed my boys to do but it was a different time and I was a different kid. So was he.
     
  9. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Does she have a girlfriend to go along? That would make me feel
    better about the idea. on the other hand...each of us has to make our choices
    as parents and then pray the choices were right. That's where
    grey hair comes from! DDD
     
  10. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I would say yes. Our easy child's are about the same age, and she recently moved out on her own. She will be 18 in November, but she has a year of college behind her and wanted to "try" it on her own. Some kids are just ready earlier than others for added responsibility.
     
  11. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    Okay ~ I have to learn to undo the apron strings,lol

    My first reaction was no way! But, I did think as most of you have pointed out, she will move away next yr without mom to stand guard and she is mature for her age.

    I will give it some time and see what happens over the next few weeks and go from there.

    Thanks, I really expected more no's. You should have heard the discussion with the women of the family ages 24 to 66 :faint:
     
  12. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    I let my easy child go to Cancun when he was 17. His then girlfriend was a senior and an all inclusive trip to Cancun was her graduation gift. easy child wasn't her first choice, it was her best friend who canceled near the trip. I thought I could trust easy child, never gave me any trouble, girlfriend's older brother going.

    He had the best time of his life. A ton of great memories.
    Has admitted now to doing some things I would not have allowed, but he is a good kid, has some wonderful memories.

    easy child went to Washington Difficult Child when he was 12..with the saftey patrol from school. Long way from Wisconsin, I have never been there. He was great and had a good time. (couldn't imagine difficult child doing this)

    easy child went to New York City with the drama club in 9th grade. Saw CAT'S., all the things you see. I have never been there. He was great and had a great time.

    She's a good kid..I would talk to both her and her friend, make clear rules with the friend, tell her you trust her and expect her to think about her choices..And let her make some wonderful memories. (all the while checking in with her each day, or at a certain time)
     
  13. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I would let her go too, as long as you know her itinerary and are comfortable with the boy. She will be with the volleyball team I assume, and will stay wirth them at night.

    Nancy
     
  14. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    I'm on the no side, mainly because it's college, boys and inevitably parties where there is drinking and who knows what else going on, but that's just me.
     
  15. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    This is the AVP Pro Beach Volleyball tour. She wants to watch the match. She would not be with the team.

    This time next yr if all goes right she will be leaving to live on her own at college.

    He has turned into a boyfriend now so I am not looking at two good friends making a trip together, I am looking at two kids that think they are in love going off together....

    She went to his mom's this morning and he cooked her breakfast.

    She came home on a cloud...

    We will see what the future brings..
     
  16. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Have you met his parents?

    I would not agree to letting her go unless I met them.
     
  17. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Okay, I'll be the party pooper. I would not let my 17-year-old daughter (or 18-year-old daughter if she still lived at home) go off to NYC with a boyfriend.

    I think Jog gave a list of very good reasons to say no.

    Also, I guess I'm just old fashioned.

    ~Kathy
     
Loading...