dreamcycle
New Member
Hi, I hope I can get some objective input here. I have a 19 year old son who graduated (by the skin of his teeth) high school last year. He does not have an overall diagnosis, but suffers with anxiety, depression, ADD ODD Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) but worst of all, he has perception issues. If he says it is so, it is so. He can be paranoid, and growing up, all punishment was seen as persecution. That's the bad part. The good part is that, to everyone else, he is kind, generous, helpful, and is very sensitive. He totally enjoys children and is very good with them. All who meet him are touched by how nice he is. To everyone but his dad and I. He is verbally abusive, loud, demanding. He believes as an adult, we should not be able to tell him what to do or not do. He doesn't believe he should do chores because he no longer gets allowence. He doesn't believe he should have to pick up after himself until it suits him. He doesn't believe he should have to help rake leaves or wash the car that drives him around. He is 'not a slave'. He is emotionally young. He obsessively buys things and sells them soon after at a loss. He doesn't drive (because he is afraid). He has been taking 10 hours at the community college, but I don't think he is doing well. He believes it is because the 'community college is stupid and not interesting'. Therefore, he believes we should send him to a four year university. This is not happening as we have little faith he will do better academically. We see the community college as a proving ground. He is hardly ever 'wrong', it's always someone else's fault. His challenges and behavior and language as of late have led to many blow ups. It's like he WANTS his dad to deck him. I give my husband credit for not doing so. He harrasses and badgers me if I don't give him what or do what he wants. He has never physically harmed me, but tries to intimidate me when he's very frustrated or angry. We want to help him and encourage him to succeed, but don't want our boundaries requirements violated. These are our requirements:
1. go to school OR
2 get a job and pay rent (until a plan to move out or go to school is in place --with time limit)
3. help with chores around house
4. pick up after yourself
5. be civil polite to all family members
6. no lying
Yet we are unreasonable. I hate to say move out, but I hate living like this. He will be lucid and agree to do better--until the next blow up. I want to give him the best opportunities, but I hate his rude abusive behavior. The crazy thing is, I know I am the most important person in his life and that he loves me to death. I'm just a safe target. My husband and I are Christians and we are trying to handle this with integrity and self control and wisdom. Trouble is, we are trying to figure out what that is.
Thanks,
dreamcycle
1. go to school OR
2 get a job and pay rent (until a plan to move out or go to school is in place --with time limit)
3. help with chores around house
4. pick up after yourself
5. be civil polite to all family members
6. no lying
Yet we are unreasonable. I hate to say move out, but I hate living like this. He will be lucid and agree to do better--until the next blow up. I want to give him the best opportunities, but I hate his rude abusive behavior. The crazy thing is, I know I am the most important person in his life and that he loves me to death. I'm just a safe target. My husband and I are Christians and we are trying to handle this with integrity and self control and wisdom. Trouble is, we are trying to figure out what that is.
Thanks,
dreamcycle