They both want JOBS!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Auntie, Apr 20, 2009.

  1. Auntie

    Auntie New Member

    I have not been here for ages: the kids have had their struggles, but they have been the SAME struggles, Know what I mean?? Having helped them before, I knew what to do. Call the doctor, stay with her, pick up her school work, call for a 504 meeting, etc. etc.

    Now I do NOT do what to do. They both want summer jobs.

    daughter (age 16) will need to fill out a job application: husband says she has a good chance at getting on at the pool because they do hire kids to sell candy, but, what should she put on her ap.? That she is bipolar? STABLE bipolar? Pretend it does not exist?

    DS wants a job also, and not just because daughter wants on. I think he wants to move more into the world. He also has aspergers syndrome and ADHD, inattentive type.

    I explained to him that he will NOT get a job as a computer programmer, but he still wants to work. And, while he can keep up with his class, he definately has aspergers. He is also lazy, and rather immature. He would need close supervision or he will play!

    I have offered him paid work around my place, as I can use the help, but he says that that would be PHYSICAL work and he is not the physical type. Which is true: he was a micro-preemie, he is asthmatic, has scoliosis, and is just not strong.

    Mind, he *IS* strong enough to do yard work, at 15 he is as strong as I am (middle aged, little, female) he just does not enjoy working that hard! He would rather have a desk job.

    As an adult I hope he WILL have a desk job: I can see him working at computers and I have spoken to him about college. But, I guess I never thought much about what he could do as an entry level job!

    How can I guide my children? They need to move out into the world, but, jobs are hard to find. It will not help at ALL if the one writes bipolar on her ap, and the other tells his boss he has aspergers! (Not telling his boss about the aspergers is not a good idea: after 5 minutes it is pretty obvious that he has SOMETHING!).

    Any advice?
  2. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Hi Auntie!

    I'm chuckling here because I'd give a couple of extremities if my difficult child would *want* to get a job, LOL. He's doing everything he can to not work, so the fact that your kids are anxious to become employed is really great news in my book. :)

    It's been a while since I've filled out an application but I'm thinking they would only need to specify a disability if it would impact their ability to do the job. Personally, I think less is more - if daughter wants to fill out an app at the pool, I'd encourage her and allow her to make the choice on whether to let them know she has bipolar. I'd probably steer her away from that disclosure, especially if it won't impact her performance, but that's just me. Ditto DS (can 15 year-old's work? I always thought you had to be 16??).

    This is a great learning experience for them. Just the process of filling out an app, interviewing, etc. Hopefully they will get jobs and that's just fabulous experience, in my humble opinion.

    Let them go thru the process, support and encourage them. The goal is independence and self-sufficiency and I think they're to be commended for wanting to start heading down that road.

    But - I could be completely off base. ;) Again, this is just my opinion and it's highly influenced by the fact that my son is terminally unemployed. I'm sure others who have gone thru this will have some tips for you. Kudos to your kids!!!
  3. Auntie

    Auntie New Member

    Kudos to my kids indeed!

    Even though I know that my son is not interested in the work: he is interested in a less physical way to earn $5 an hour than yard work! There are, after all, video games to be bought and he does not like to sweat!

    I am very proud of both my kids: I just do not know how they are going to compete!
  4. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Auntie, I think it's great that your kids want jobs, and they're to be congratulated.

    I do want to share with you my difficult child's experience of having a summer job. Like your DS, he is an aspie with ADHD traits. And scoliosis. And he's lazy. For that matter, like your daughter, he has bipolar.

    A few years ago, difficult child decided to take over the local newspaper route in our neighbourhood. He knew the boy who had the route, who was ready to give it up, and decided that he'd be happy to take it over.

    The responsibilities included:
    1) Assembling all of the store flyers that were to be inserted in the paper
    2) Inserting the flyer bundle into the newspaper
    3) Delivering the papers

    difficult child could not cope with it. The assembly process was completely beyond the abilities of his executive dysfunction to get past. So husband and I spent every wednesday and every friday afternoon after work assembling difficult child's papers and bundling them into his cart.

    Then difficult child would go out on deliveries.

    He would be gone for hours.
    Sometimes we would find piles of newspapers abandoned under bushes around the neighbourhood.
    Once or twice, we got a call from an irate parent who caught difficult child making trouble in the neighbourhood.
    And once, he was brought home by the police, for throwing eggs off a bridge at passing cars.

    Since then, difficult child has decided that working is not for him.
    "I had a job once. It was the worst experience ever. I'm not getting a job again. Nope. Not doing that"

    I don't want to rain on your parade. I just want to suggest that you make sure your DS is good and ready to deal with all of the responsibilities of a job. With that aspie mindset, if it doesn't go well it can make it that much more difficult to broach the subject later.

  5. Auntie

    Auntie New Member

    Trinityroyal, you have a good point. I have been thinking about *IF* he could do the job: it had not occured to me that it might put him off working. I will have to think on this a bit longer.

    My son has scoliosis also: a very wierd coincidence!
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    All my kids, difficult children or not, have had to work at sixteen because if they want trendy clothes, etc., well, we can't afford the bells and whistles. Even my Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) son is going to work, but the school finds him a job.

    I do have to say that some kids may have trouble working, but in my opinion it's good to give them a taste of the job world and see how they do. It's a step toward independence as an adult--or at least we, the parents, can see if they may need assisted living or help with employment later on. I have a serious mood disorder, anxiety up the wazoo and severe LDs too. I have never been able to hold a job or understand how to even do simple things unless they were VERBAL jobs only--couldn't even figure out to assemble something as I have serious spatial orientation problems. No matter how many times my bosses would show me how to do something, I never could get it right. My IQ is above normal.
    It never hurts in my opinion to see how the kids do and, if they don't do well, try to figure out why and correct it. Back in my day, they didn't help at all--I was "lazy" or "stupid."

    Many disorders can affect one's independence. So far all my kids ARE independent. I personally feel the a job at 16 is a good thing for their work ethic and a good test to see how to approach their futures. If necessary, they can always quit.

    I personally never put down my mental health issues. You don't have to, and in my opinion it's none of their business. For my son, they will know in advance he has Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and work around that.