rejectedmom
New Member
As I mentioned in another thread I have been thinking alot lately.
About my difficult child. He is in prison so we do not talk by phone but we do write and husband goes to see him and as you know I still advocate for him. I worry about the inevitable time when I am not able to do those things for him. I sadly think that will be his rock bottom, ie. death, unless we can find something that works for his anger issues and his substance abuse. Like a child praying for a miracle, I hope against all odds that there will be some new treatment that will manage all his problems before I leave this planet.
difficult child is unique and I get that. We helped our other son when he had his breakdown which was compounded by alcohol abuse and he is doing well. easy child/difficult child had a combination of inpatient, anti-craving medication, anti-psycotic medication and therapy and AA. He has been sober for over a year now and claims to never crave the stuff. He no longer goes to AA and I was concerned at first but his brain works differently being an Aspie and he is doing well so I let it go. My brother who is Aspie-like was the same way as easy child/difficult child in that once the consequences were high he stopped and although he attended AA at first eventually he didn't need the AA meetings. He is sober almost ten years now. So I no longer think of AA as the only means of maintaining sobriety for everyone.
But my difficult child, I am at a loss to help. I don't even know what might work. I know what didn't work in the past that is all. I am always reading, looking for information and watching what works for others. I haven't hit upon the thing that will make a huge difference for my difficult child yet.
Right now I am trying to convince husband to step back in financially and send difficult child to one more program when he gets out. I desparetly want to see difficult child happy and healthy and living a decent life outside of prison. Getting his issues addressed properly is the only way that can happen. husband wants this too but all the failed attempts and treatments make husband wary of investing anymore money into treatments.
Call me crazy but I want to take difficult child out to the beach and live there with him. I want him to access a quiet part of his brain that has been unavailable to him his entire life. I thought if I could get him into meditation and physical exercise like yoga along with the proper medications and behavior modifications maybe it would work. I have always wanted to do this but his life as a child was filled with tutors, doctors, therapies, operations etc. There was little time to teach him yoga and meditation nor do I think he would have been at all receptive back then.
husband is afraid to have difficult child living with me. The fear is that difficult child will go into a rage and harm me again or start stealing from us again. So he said no to my plan. So I am now looking for a program similiar to what I would have done for difficult child. The problem is that he has no insurance and he can no longer be on ours so it will be out of pocket and can't be too expensive. I really would like to send him where easy child/difficult child went but that was over 10,000/month and difficult child would need at least three months, probaply more. I am not sure I can get husband onboard for that much money. We would have to morgage our home and that is counter to our retirement plans. Sigh.
I have hooked difficult child up to so many IOP programs and also to 3 different residential programs in the last 6 years. I think I have exhausted all the subsidized programs available to him. I know difficult child would love to come home to us when he gets out. He has lost years of living at home that he morns. I thought I could at least fix that for him but I do not know that he won't go right back to his ways and as I mentioned husband is totally against it. So I am at a loss as to what I can do to help difficult child get a good start when he gets out. -RM
About my difficult child. He is in prison so we do not talk by phone but we do write and husband goes to see him and as you know I still advocate for him. I worry about the inevitable time when I am not able to do those things for him. I sadly think that will be his rock bottom, ie. death, unless we can find something that works for his anger issues and his substance abuse. Like a child praying for a miracle, I hope against all odds that there will be some new treatment that will manage all his problems before I leave this planet.
difficult child is unique and I get that. We helped our other son when he had his breakdown which was compounded by alcohol abuse and he is doing well. easy child/difficult child had a combination of inpatient, anti-craving medication, anti-psycotic medication and therapy and AA. He has been sober for over a year now and claims to never crave the stuff. He no longer goes to AA and I was concerned at first but his brain works differently being an Aspie and he is doing well so I let it go. My brother who is Aspie-like was the same way as easy child/difficult child in that once the consequences were high he stopped and although he attended AA at first eventually he didn't need the AA meetings. He is sober almost ten years now. So I no longer think of AA as the only means of maintaining sobriety for everyone.
But my difficult child, I am at a loss to help. I don't even know what might work. I know what didn't work in the past that is all. I am always reading, looking for information and watching what works for others. I haven't hit upon the thing that will make a huge difference for my difficult child yet.
Right now I am trying to convince husband to step back in financially and send difficult child to one more program when he gets out. I desparetly want to see difficult child happy and healthy and living a decent life outside of prison. Getting his issues addressed properly is the only way that can happen. husband wants this too but all the failed attempts and treatments make husband wary of investing anymore money into treatments.
Call me crazy but I want to take difficult child out to the beach and live there with him. I want him to access a quiet part of his brain that has been unavailable to him his entire life. I thought if I could get him into meditation and physical exercise like yoga along with the proper medications and behavior modifications maybe it would work. I have always wanted to do this but his life as a child was filled with tutors, doctors, therapies, operations etc. There was little time to teach him yoga and meditation nor do I think he would have been at all receptive back then.
husband is afraid to have difficult child living with me. The fear is that difficult child will go into a rage and harm me again or start stealing from us again. So he said no to my plan. So I am now looking for a program similiar to what I would have done for difficult child. The problem is that he has no insurance and he can no longer be on ours so it will be out of pocket and can't be too expensive. I really would like to send him where easy child/difficult child went but that was over 10,000/month and difficult child would need at least three months, probaply more. I am not sure I can get husband onboard for that much money. We would have to morgage our home and that is counter to our retirement plans. Sigh.
I have hooked difficult child up to so many IOP programs and also to 3 different residential programs in the last 6 years. I think I have exhausted all the subsidized programs available to him. I know difficult child would love to come home to us when he gets out. He has lost years of living at home that he morns. I thought I could at least fix that for him but I do not know that he won't go right back to his ways and as I mentioned husband is totally against it. So I am at a loss as to what I can do to help difficult child get a good start when he gets out. -RM
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