Unbending difficult child

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by dstc_99, May 20, 2014.

  1. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Something I have noticed about difficult child is that she is very opinionated and that she is not willing to bend at all when presented with different opinions. It really angers me because she has opinions that are hurtful to members of the family and has no concern for the insult she heaps on them. For example difficult child is absolutely against the gay lifestyle. easy child on the otherhand has not only shown interest in it for a while she said when she grew up she wanted to work with the LGBT community and help them. Whether or not this is because she is leaning that way personally I don't know and I don't care. The only reason I would care is because of the hatred some people have for the lifestyle and the pain that could possibly cause her.

    difficult child is also completely against abortion, believes that entry level jobs should start at 15$ an hour so that young workers can live off their pay, and yada yada yada. Whether I am for those things or not doesn't matter what matters to me is that she is completely unwilling to bend even the slightest amount. Its to the point that if I mention something and she disagrees with my standpoint I just shut the conversation down. It isn't worth my effort to try to get her to understand anyone else's view on the subject.

    This is really hard for me because I am the sort of person who can see multiple viewpoints and understand them. I have never been a black and white person about anything that I remember.

    Is it common among difficult child's that they are unable to understand anything except for their point of view? It seems like it is. What do you call it? It feels like narcicism to me but maybe I am way off base.
  2. SeekingStrength

    SeekingStrength Well-Known Member

    Hi DSTC,

    While I do not know if it is common, it is absolutely the case with my 33gfg and he has been that way since high school. Incredibly opinionated --- oh. my. goodness. Like you, i just shut down the conversation....have done that for years. Because, he does love to debate/argue and will keep it going as long as possible. He thrives on that stuff.

    He often de-activates his FB account and mentioned once it was because of the heated political arguments he becomes involved in.

    His opinions are correct and guess what. Any opinions to the contrary are flat out wrong. And, I cannot imagine him ever, ever saying something along the lines of, Well, yes, I can see how folks could see that differently....
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I think it may be another difficult child trait. All or nothing. Black and white thinking. Something is all good or all bad. Nothing is gray. I don't know if my son realizes there is a gray area in life and that most of life is gray. He is extremely opinionated and of course he is always right. He has lost many girlfriends because he gets bossy and tries to tell her what she "should" do or act "for her own good." That goes over well with only very timid, insecure women. He is very overbearing.
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I dont think its a definite difficult child trait but I think there are some folks who are just built this way. Tony's brother is one of them. Only his opinion is right. And he has the same opinions as your difficult child on many of the same subjects. LOL. He cannot understand how we could have gay friends. In his mind that is wrong and we should shun them. I wont so I am wrong. He also thinks I am a bad parent and he is a perfect parent even though he has never had kids nor has he ever raised anyone else's! For years he called me a drug addict because I took psychiatric drugs and then later on pain medications even though he was a alcoholic and cocaine addict.