When something is forbidden, it can create a desire to know all about it. When kids reach their teens they have had about as much moral input from us as is going to work, everything from here is based on whatever we got through to them, from here they use their own curiosity and judgement (which is why teen years are so terrifying for parents).
All we can do is hope we got enough common sense and moral guidance laid down in their brain pathways before they discovered independent thought.
Whatever you decide, I would talk to her about her curiosity. What does she need to know? Can you help her find out for herself without any accompanying moral judgements? Often this can demystify it all, can make it less attractive simply because the knowledge itself is not forbidden (knowledge should never be forbidden), merely obsessing about it.
An example - a child brought up in a religion that doesn't permit birth control. The child may not be intending to use birth control in the immediate future, but just wants to know more about it in order to better understand the guidance he's been raised with. How does The Pill work? How do you use condoms? How do IUDs work?
I remember back in my teens and extremely religious, moral days, finding out how IUDs work and thinking, "That is so wrong, I could never permit that in my body." My new knowledge actually helped consolidate the moral position I'd been raised with.
As I grew older and learned more about the world, this did temper my rigid black-and-white views, but I am still very much a product of my early upbringing.
Sex and sexuality is very much something on the minds of teens, simply because their own bodies are changing and they want to understand, if only to have some idea of what to expect. Sexual attraction can be very confused at this stage, but if it is it does usually settle as the body settles into its hormonal rhythm.
I remember not knowing what a lesbian was although I was being called one by kids at school (who probably didn't know what it was either). Kids use stupid insults like this to bully others. difficult child 3 got called similarly male insult names some years ago, expressed in a very derogatory way. He then called another kid the same names, at which point I was the one getting a call from the teacher, about the nasty names my son was calling another kid. I pointed out to the teacher that she very well knew that he would not hear words like that in our home, not even as descriptive terms about other people's preferred sexual orientation. The only way difficult child 3 could have learnt those words was if he had been called them by other kids; probably the same kids who he was now calling names.
Back in my day, I remember trying to look up the words I got called. Our dictionary wasn't much help, it had very pejorative definitions which were too ambiguous for me to understand. A lesbian was a woman who loved another woman. Well I loved my mother, what did that make me?
It's like saying someone is "no better than she should be" which if you think about it, means she is as good as she can be and this is right. Or that she is "a woman of easy virtue" which can be interpreted as "she finds virtue easy", in other words she is a naturally good and virtuous person.
The way we use words, the way we use language, can be very confusing to even a smart early teen. And if something is forbidden and she wants to find out more about it, what does she do?
If she has broken your rules you need to sort this out. But I would find out WHY she felt she needed to. If she really needs to know something, then talk to her about maybe talking to you next time. But if she's simply viewing stuff in order to defy you or to challenge your authority, then you need to take a different sort of action, such as confiscating the laptop.
If you have to install effective 'net nanny' software she will find it very inconvenient, but if she didn't break your rules, this wouldn't be necessary.
But also be aware - all this will do is stop her accessing suspect material on her laptop. There are still the school computers, friends' houses, libraries, cafés etc.
The most effective deterrent is the one she puts on herself. Anything that is imposed has to be monitored in order to be sure it is being adhered to. Only if you KNOW she is choosing to not access inappropriate material, can you be sure.
Marg