update on difficult child

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by hearthope, Jan 7, 2007.

  1. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    Well... difficult child is living with girlfriend's sister. From what I can gather him and girlfriend have been babysitting girlfriend's sister's kids for her to work :wildone:Boy, what a great career move!
    He has to see PO this friday to let her know how WELL he is doing before his court date this mth. I wonder what she'll think of the babysitting job :hammer:
    easy child's birthday was Jan.5, she got a very nice car. We invited difficult child to her birthday dinner and he showed up driving girlfriend's car but had another long lost difficult child with him. This difficult child is supposed to get him a job tomorrow as an electrician, he will be paid for his training. He is also going from his town to another town to p\u my difficult child, then drive back through his town to another town to work, wonder how long that will work?
    We anticipated the worse when difficult child saw easy child's car. I reminded him that she worked hard for it. I didn't want to drill him about all his mistakes, but I do think he understood what I was saying.
    He told his difficult child friend that I didn't want him at home (play on mom's emotions)I quickly told him we did want him at home, he just had to live by our rules.
    So now I guess he is satisfied living how he is living. No rules, no responsibilty, but also no money and no transportation other than girlfriend's car.
    I know the judge is going to put him in jail. She gave him a month to prove he would get a job and do the right thing. He has gone backwards.
    I am sorry for his choices, but I will be okay if he is sent to jail. I asked him why he thought the judge gave him a mth before sentencing him and he said"To see if I would get a job" those were his words so I know he understands what is a stake.
    Sorry to ramble on, glad you guys are here to vent to. It helps to get it out.
  2. judi

    judi Active Member

    I am in a similar boat: difficult child lives with a family of difficult child:

    Mom difficult child is 40 something, works as a CNA, smokes pot with rest of difficult child family.
    Daughter, difficult child 20 is a stripper and has a 4 month old infant.
    Son, difficult child 24 is the nanny for the baby.
    My son, difficult child 21 doesn't do anything - no work, no work, no work, nothing.

  3. judi

    judi Active Member

    Maybe on second thought - they can all go to difficult child-island!
  4. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    HH, it sounds as if you are doing a very good job at understanding and accepting that HIS actions are HIS choice and the consequences are HIS as well. Good for you!

  5. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Sounds like you have gotten good at your come backs when he makes a comments. That is an accomplishment. I have gotten pretty good at that myself. When my difficult child makes comments about what he thinks his easy child sister may have gotten that he didn't, the only reply I give him is, your sister has never been arrested, nor does she do drugs. It's not cruel, it's just facts that he needs to come to terms with. He knows deep down inside that what he has put us through has cost much more financially and emotionally then we have ever had to give to easy child.

    Maybe someday they will get it!!!! and stop with the comments when they realize they don't have the same effect on us that they used too.
  6. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    Judi~ I will spend the money for the ticket for him to be on the island. :rofl:
    Suz~ The process of detachment is amazing, 6 mths ago I would have been hiding under my covers with the thought of him going to jail.
    Kfld~ I don't get as much of the cutdowns from him now. I was a little nerved about him seeing easy child's car, but I let it go quickly with the vision of our car he turned upside down in a ditch with his difficult child buddy.
  7. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    sometimes we wonder...are we training our kids??? or are they training us??? seems sometimes they stay the same so our training on them is nil. but we change...they train us to let go. perhaps then we will train them that we are not the same and they will have to adapt to the new us..
  8. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I totally understand. My difficult child is 18 months older than pcdaughter. She got a new car for graduation. He has finally, after a long, long time, seen the light and knows that he has been a fool. He is trying to get his life together now. I hope yours will get to that point too. Meanwhile, enjoy the easy child. If yours is like mine, she makes life worthwhile.
  9. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    Katmom~ my difficult child is 15 mths older than easy child. My easy child is such a blessing. Hopefully my difficult child will see the light as yours has. We are going on with our life and maybe he will see that the circles he is going in are getting him no where.