Update: Werid Vice Principal, Used Clothing and Other Oddities Meeting.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Methuselah, Jan 5, 2012.

  1. Methuselah

    Methuselah New Member

    My husband and I had our meeting with the principal and VP regarding the latter's weird behavior towards difficult child 2--not letting us know difficult child 2 was physically aggressed twice, being overly friendly, and going through her closet and giving my daughter some of her old clothes.

    Where to start...I don't know where to start. It was such a mess of CYA, lying and obvious political manuevering. I'll try not to ramble too much...

    The VP lied about our conversation regarding the first physical aggression, saying she didn't admit "she dropped the ball and should have called me when it happened"; she now states she told me it takes time to investigate, and that's why I had to contact her 2 1/2 days after it occured. She also lied when I told her my daughter finds it very uncomfortable when she is very friendly and puts her arm aroud her. I told her especially when she sat down with my daughter and her friends at the lunch table, put her arm around and said, "Hey girly-girl, when you coming to my office to talk about T (the chick who kicked her in the back)?" The VP said that didn't happen. She didn''t sit down with her at all. The only time she did that was in the beginning of the year when difficult child 2 was sitting by herself. I told her to stop touching my daughter; she doesn't like it.

    Apparently, the VP was pulled into the principal's office and told giving clothes without the parent's permission is wrong, even if given innocently, and to call me and let me know, which she did. difficult child 2 is still whicked out about the clothes.

    The VP said to us she gave the clothes, because she saw difficult child 2 without a sweater on a cold day, and that is why she gave her the jean jacket. We told her she is 15 years old and if she walks out of the house without a coat and gets cold, well, she will be more likely to grab one of the multitude of sweaters/hoodies she has to stay warm. By the way, she told difficult child 2 she gave her the jacket because it was "her lucky jacket" not because she didn't think she had one.

    She said she investigated the second aggression, but nothing was seen by anyone else, so nothing was done. (The girl who kicked Lily has been in ISS for physical fights before). I told her my daughter thinks the school doesn't care if she is beat on at school, because you never let me know when it happens. I told her I agree. I also told them I would think the school would be smarter about stuff like this, as the district is being sued by parents of a kid who hung himself in the nurse's bathroom because he felt the school didn't care he was being bullied. I actually saw the principal sit up. The principal said we will contact you every time she is in the office, councelling office, etc. I said deal.

    The VP stated she isn't giving difficult child 2 any extra attention, staring at her, etc. She said she is in the hall doing her job. We told her the other students don't notice you doing "your job" with other students or other VPs "doing their job" with difficult child 2, but they do with you. She said difficult child 2 was probably saying all of this because she is getting attention from us. (Yep, she said that.) We told her she is icked out by you and came to us for help not attention.

    The principal said "I don't want to rehash the past" when I set out to establish a pattern of behavior--not letting us know when she was physically aggressed twice, the VP being overly friendly, and giving her clothes out of her closet. I rehashed anyway. It told her it was important to see our big picture. I told her the big picture makes me go "ooh". She said "it makes YOU go ooh". I said yes, as a PARENT, I go "ooh". It makes my daughter go "ooh".

    The principal told us she doesn't change principals or counselors, so we have the same VP. We know we could take it to the school board, but we are going to see what plays out in the following weeks. If difficult child 2 notices a big change, we won't procede.

    My husband said the principal is very good at her job, as she acted like every other CEO he has had contacted with when he deals with issues regarding ethics and compliance, his expertise.

    The VP lied to our face to cover her butt, so she acted like the idiot she is.

    We documented everything. Wrote down everything they said when they said it. We have an a really cool friend who is a hostage negotiator/Lie to Me behavior expert, and he told us how to run the whole meeting. He was a big help. So is this board. Writing all of this has calmed me down.
  2. mazdamama

    mazdamama New Member

    This VP sounds like a whack job...geez. If nothing changes definately go to the school board. Something is not right there. I know this year my boys' elementary school got a new VP. I cannot stand the woman. This school has a very high population of ESE students and from what I was told by the principal this vp is not used to being around so many children with issues.
    We had a staffing at the children's advocacy center shortly after my son's last Baker Act and she was in the waiting room with me. Daniel was back in school and she was livid talking about how he was a danger to her staff and stidents. ESE Head had said to send him back. During the staffin meeting she kept it up and I finally said to her in front of God and everyone else in the room...."you just don't want my child in your school period". She shut up.
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    A big part of me wants to know where you live so I can be SURE that none of MY kids ever runs across this woman.

    VP is nuts and lied to CYA because she KNOWS what she is doing is WRONG and that you caught her. Glad you had help to know how to run things.
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I think that sums it up in a nutshell.
  5. rdland

    rdland New Member

    Wow! I am just shaking my head. This woman sounds like a nut job and would be curious to find out if she does this to any other students. There is probably a pattern and history with her behavior to other students also. Ick!!
  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Wow! I know who to ask next time I need to check something out. I think "big picture" is the BIG problem. These folks in our lives just only focus on the here and now. Even if they give lip service to caring about home and future... they don't and maybe some just can't.

    Thanks for the update. your daughter is really blessed to have you.
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Fingers crossed that the meeting will end the unacceptable behavior. I'm so glad that your daughter feels free sharing with you. Our world is such a scarey place...even in the schools. Keep the lines open so in additional incidents will get to your ears pronto. Good job of documenting. I've always found that taking notes gets attention. Hugs DDD
  8. Methuselah

    Methuselah New Member

    Maz, my husband and I work so hard to help our children be the best person they can be. Kids spend half their life in school, so we approach the administrators/ teachers as partners. The situation with this woman has been so weird!

    I'm glad you said what you did to that administrator. She needed to hear it. We started our meeting off saying "we know you don't believe we are good parents" to see what they would say. The VP said she didn't think that. The principal said she understands we have special circumstances. We are waiting for the VP to call CPS.
  9. Methuselah

    Methuselah New Member

    Susie, the high school was recognized as one of the top high schools in our state. It also has a heroine problem, but, shhhh, we don't talk about that.
  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Unfortunately- as I learned the hard way- sometimes the school district with the best reputation in the area is the one to be less willing to work with problemed students - I actually had a Special Education attny tell me it was because a school district who promotes themselves like that doesn't want to get a reputation of helping kids on IEPs the most because all the families who need help like that will move to that jurisdiction and 'ruin the reputation they are trying to uphold'. I didn't beleieve it at first but after a while, I thought again.
  11. Methuselah

    Methuselah New Member

    DDD, our really cool Lie to Me friend says writing everything down is a great way to lessen the emotional responses, bc it makes you stop for three seconds. So true! He also said it helps to establish patterns and behaviors.

    We wanted the principal to have on record our complaints, so if there has been a problem with other kids, we now have a pattern.
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Call CPS first. Let them know this strange woman who works for the school is touching your daughter inappropriately and treating her very strangely. That pre-emptive call can do a LOT to help you and your daughter. It also lets the school know you are NOT playing and this better be OVER or there will be a WAR.

    I thought the way you did about schools for most of my life. Until Wiz went to school. then I learned that all the things I believed, having grown up listening to teachers talk outside of school (I am a TK- teacher's kid and a PK - Professor's Kid so I spent a LOT of time outside school with eduators) did NOT actually apply to all teachers/school employees.

    It is esp important to advocate for your daughter because schools act "in loco parentis" meaning as stand-ins for parents during the day when the kids are at school. ANY inappropriate behavior toward a student that has escalated to this point should be reported. I am SURE VP knows it too. She sounds like someone who got a job in schools to have greater access to a pool of victims. Sorry, I know how awful it sounds, but it sounds liek that. ESP the "girly girl" thing. Unless that is your daughter's nickname to the world, it is grossly inappropriate to do that. Plus, in this day and age to put an arm around a student that way? TOTALLY the wrong thing to do and pretty much every educator knows of at least ONE educator who got into HUGE legal problems for things like that even if they were just unfounded accusations. So doing it is so out of line as to be insane, in my opinion.
  13. Methuselah

    Methuselah New Member

    KLMNO, this is that school district/high school. They will brag how many National Merit Semi Finalists they have, but never mention how many kids go to rehab instead of camp.
  14. Methuselah

    Methuselah New Member

    Susie, your advice will be taken seriously.

    I don't think this woman, who is 60ish, is sexually inappropriate with difficult child 2. She is, however, crossing her comfort zone. The VP denies putting her arm around her and saying "girly-girl". It is all so weird.