Well, now I've done it.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by CrazyinVA, Aug 21, 2008.

  1. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oldest was at the doctor yesterday because she has a severe skin infection under her ostomy bag, apparently cellulitis (which is likely caused by Oldest's poor hygiene habits). Oldest called me about it, crying.. said they wanted to admit her to the hospital because they feared sepsis, even MRSA, but she "begged" the doctor to not admit her because she needed to work today and make money, she's so broke. I know she is telling the truth about the infection because she posted a picture of it on an ostomy support board to ask advice. She is to be on antibiotics for 24 hours and then if not any better, will be admitted.

    Of course, she went out to the bar last night.

    Well, her doctor just called me. Said Oldest gave her my number as an emergency contact, that Oldest's number doesn't seem to be working, and she wanted to see how she was doing. Asked if I had another number for her, or could I get a message to her to call the doctor. I said i would. Then, I asked if she had a release to talk to me, she said no, you're just the emergency contact. I said ok, I know you can't give me any information, but I need to give you some information. Oldest has an addiction to prescription pain medications. She said, "that's very interesting. Of course, we gave her a prescription for pain medications yesterday." I said, "yeah, I figured that. She tends to doctor shop." There is no doubt this is a very real, very serious, medical issue for Oldest right now, but that doesn't change the fact she has an addiction. I told the doctor, "this is of course just my opinion, do with it what you will, but I felt you should know." She thanked me.

    So, that's it. I did this once before, years ago, when Oldest's obgyn was feeding her one scrip after another of pain medications. I called the day after Oldest ended up in the ER after going through 20 out of 30 Loritab pills in 24 hours, then adding Ambien to the mix and becoming psychotic. I let that doctor know what had happened. Funny, the ER didn't believe she had taken so many, said she'd be comatose, but... she has been doing this a long time, and has an incredible tolerance.

    The last time Oldest was in the (medical) hospital, after 3 days ,they wanted to transfer her to the psychiatric unit .. she refused, and signed herself out. Miraculously cured. Interestingly enough, this doctor is on staff at a hospital where Oldest has never been admitted. Coincidence? Doubtful.

    I don't know if the doctor will repeat what I said, but, I'm prepared for the s*** to hit the fan. I just don't care at this point. I called Oldest's boyfriend and left a message, asking him to pass on the doctor's message.

    It's very difficult to worry about her physical health issues as well as mental ones, and addiciton. It's a triple whammy, really. I've had to learn to detach even from her neglect of herself when it comes to her physical health, which is really, really hard. I fear she will neglect herself to death one day.
  2. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    Hi Crazy,
    again, I am so impressed with how you handle oldest. I think you did everything just right. I am so sorry you have to deal with these serious physical problems as well as the mental health issues.
    Thinking of you,
  3. Genny

    Genny Worlds Best Nana

    What a mess. Any chance she doesn't want to be admitted because she knows thay won't give her enough pain medications (given her tolerance)?

    You're handling it beautifully! :bravo:

  4. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    UGH! There's so much there that is disturbing. The lack of hygiene, the drinking when ill (and on pain pills) the inability of the doctor to reach her when needed, the dishonesty with her doctor about her addiction.

    You handled it really well. She obviously needs your help, but you are not totally in her business and trying to make her decisions for her.
  5. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I am way impressed at how you handled the situation! not an easy thing to do. Good on you.

    Your daughter (as are all the difficult children who struggle with addiction) is in my prayers.
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    You handled it wonderfully. :D

  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I also think you handled it very well. No other thing you could do but give the doctor the info Oldest wouldn't. If Oldest needs to be on pain medications, they can admit her and give them under supervision so that they see how much they need to give fore them to be effective. That will let them know not to give her a scrip to send home AND exactly how far into the addiction her body is.

    I am sorry you have to worry about her health this way. It sounds like a VERY scary thing to handle as a parent. Just FYI - some antibiotics will make even hardened alcoholics extremely sick to their stomachs when mixed with alcohol. I am not sure which antibiotics, but if the doctor doesn't know that she is a drinker, then Oldest may get very ill.

    I will hope that your daughter gets better AND that she doesn't ignore this.
  8. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    They admitted Oldest to the hospital last night. I'm going to see her at lunchtime. Spoke to her boyfriend this morning, he said they were waiting for the doctor to come by to talk about test results etc.

    I have such mixed emotions here. I am worried about her, as always, but know she did this to herself.. so it's an odd mix of frustration and anxiety. And lots of deja' vu. I am trying hard NOT to panic about her future. One day at a time here.

    Re the IV pain medications and controlling them in-hospital: her tolerance is so high that when in the hospital (as she has been, often, for her Crohn's), you wouldn't believe how much demarol or whatever they pump into her and STILL she feels the pain. After a certain point, it makes her irrational and nasty. She wants more more more and even when she can hardly keep her eyes open from the drugs, she is telling them she is still in pain. When it gets to that point I stop visiting her, because I can't take it.

    Not going to think about that now.

    To top it off, Youngest is having health difficulties as well, she still has pretty severe pain from her laproscopy. She's having trouble breathing because of the pain/ressure radiating to her chest, they did chest xrays yesterday. The doctor is going to call her today (I'm guessing the fact they didn't call her after the chest xray means it's not TOO serious).

    I'm just numb. And worn out from keeping my grandson 3 nights in a row. I love that kid. but man, I'm too old to chase a 17 month old around for long lol. I have plans tonight with friends, another concert ... so Youngest's neighbor is going to keep my grandson. The distraction will be good for me after this rollercoaster week.
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    YOU - come here to SC - you need someone to take care of YOU and allow you to forget it ALL....and I mean A-L-L.

    I'm on the loveboat here with admiring your grit and tennacity - I am just in awe of your parenting abilities.

    And I kow exactly EXACTLY what you mean about a triple whammy - with Dude I used to think - OKAY I can take hyper (walk inthe park), and i could take Nasty (Counter with oodles of love) and I could take the pooping in the pants (use a clothespin) and I could take getting into trouble with the law (if not a felony) and I could take him back talking (how bout your teeth for a necklace) and I could take him stealing things (once in a while to borrow without permission) and I could take breaking things in a fit (everyone has a temper) and i could take him listening to the rules and doing his OWN thing (as a change for listening sometime) and I could take him sleeping through/during therapy (sometimes you do drag on doctor) and i could take medications refusal (well who wants to take that?) I could take someone who aggravates animals (yes filling the water bowl several times a day is a pain but you wanted a puppy) and I could take the occasional hoodlem mischief......and I could take the caseworker, the public defender, the assistant deputy DA, and the group home, the foster care parents, the foster care agency, and the governors office

    But when you THROW ALL that at me in a 1 week period?

    I have a stroke.

    And when you throw all that at me over a period of time ? Well.....(lol) apparently it makes me want to have my uterus ripped out. :surprise:

    So take care.
  10. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Just a note about Youngest's lapraoscopy....

    When they make the incisions, they inflate the abdomen so they can see in there. It takes several days to a couple of weeks for that to all dissipate and can cause some cramping that would radiate up to the chest and when you expand your lungs to breathe it would be noticeable. It can be pretty uncomfortable.
  11. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thanks for the info re the scope. Youngest did talk to the doctor again, and that's exactly what he said.. the chest xray was clear so that's all it is, is the gas still trapped there. She's uncomfortable, but not scared any more at least.

    I saw Oldest at lunchtime... as predicted, she is so doped up she can hardly keep her eyes open .. nodding off... yet when the nurse came in, Oldest told her that her pain was "bad again." The nurse said it wasn't time for her pain medicine yet, and left. Both Oldest and the boyfriend think she is "rude and incompetent." I think she's just probably tired of drug-seekers.

    Par for the course. Bottom line is, I feel reasonably certain that Oldest will be fine, healthwise. This looks very similar to other medication-seeking hospitalizations. I have a feeling she exaggerated the extent of her skin infection.

    I always feel like a heartless b**** when I type/think/say things like that about my hospitalized daughter.. but it's just that I cannot even count the number of times she's been in the hospital. I'm just so tired of it. When she was young and sick all the time, it was different.. but the past several years... it just seems so attention-seeking, despite having a true chronic illness. Add the drugs.. and the Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) ...

    Argh. I can't think about it any more today. 50 mnutes till I leave work, pick up/drop off grandson, and then off to hang out with friends for the evening. I cannot WAIT.
  12. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Crazy you are far from heartless, my friend.

    I have a sis who also has chronic kidney disease and hypothyroidism. At one time this sis and I were as close as ducks and water. Only family member I could tolerate for long periods of time.

    Then she began attention seeking with her chonic kidney disease. At first we all fell for it. But as I have an even more severe form, and still don't wind up in hospital 1/4 the amt of times she does, we began to get suspicious. Which made us pay more attention to her behavior. Sis never follows docs orders on diet or medications. Actually diliberately does the opposite. She started doctor shopping. Her tolerance for pain went way down and pain medication usage went sky high...........

    Ok. It gets worse from there. But once she figured out my Mom would come running every time she was in hospital, the attention seeking behavior started, then spiraled out of control. Mom is only now getting it after long talks with me. Now due to the attention seeking behavior sis not only has the chronic illness, but a pain medication addiction as well. If I could call her docs and inform them I would. I know Mom has done it several times. Unfortunately, sis always finds another to buffalo. *sigh*

    Sis is now self-destructing. Mom is learning detachment. And we're both hoping the docs/hospitals get a major clue before she manages to kill herself.

    Oh, and me.........I'm sort of glad Mom never bothered to visit me the times I was admitted to hospital. :D (weird huh?)

  13. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Pain medication addiction is tough. Especially when docs don't know the history and the patient is desperate enough/smart enough to dr./hospital shop. Detachment is your friend. If you get involved, she will only go into crisis more and more. I'm sorry that you are dealing with so much.
  14. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    You certainly are not a heartless b****! I think all of us here know that. And I know how it feels to feel that way too. I was talking to a friend about difficult child on the phone the other day and she kept trying to defend and make excuses for difficult child and the things she has done and the way she lives. It really annoyed me--I felt like she must think I hate my dtr but it was so exasperating to have her brushing off what difficult child does. She is so duped by her and nothing I say seems to make any difference. Luckily I don't talk to this person much!

    P.S. Did you get to go out?
  15. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oldest is out of the hospital. She was clear-headed when I spoke to her yesterday and today, had obviously cut back on the pain medications. So, rollercoaster has come to a slow lull for now.

    I did get out, Friday and yesterday. Just enjoying the peace and quiet today.