When to step in/ being the mom of an adult---Help!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by everywoman, Nov 7, 2012.

  1. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    PCson is still very sick. He has a genetically narrow spinal column (thanks to me :() He is experience spinal compression/central cord syndrome. He is having muscle spasms from head to toe. On top of that he is on day 7 of a nasty virus or infection (dr's still not sure) that has cause high fevers, nausea, vomiting, and other stomach issues. He is dehydrated.

    On Saturday he called and asked me to come pick up the kids. BTB Ex had her boyfriend coming for the weekend; the children are 3 and 6--he did not want them to be in the house with them sleeping in the same room---. It was his week of custody (Wed.-Wed.) She told him he was selfish to expect her to change her plans because he was sick. She complained about his upcoming surgery (on the 15th) and the fact that she would not have a free weekend all month.

    He called her mom to get some help. Instead of agreeing, she instantly started defending her daughter's choice: "This has all just been dumped on her." Needless to say, that went well. He hung up. She text and told him she would pick up the kids, she was in his city for a meeting. He told her he would have me come. She called me and left a message. I text her back and told her that I was on my way.

    Sunday, son received a nasty message from STBexFIL. He blasted son. Told him to man up. That he questions his competence. Horrible stuff. Accused him of harassment of mother in law. I text mother in law and asked for all communications to son to cease until he is physically better.

    Then Monday, daughter in law text me (she had been trying to contact son all day) to see if the kids would be home Monday afternoon because it was grandson's last t-ball game. I told her I could not bring them home until Tuesday. She then remarked that she should have a say in all decisions.

    Ugh---I am trying hard to stay out of their mess. Really hard. I had not communicated with any of them for 6 months except to tag photos on facebook of the grands. Did I step over the line in any way?
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    They need to s*ck it up and deal. And wtf? What mom is going to have her nose out of joint because her ex is ill or having surgery and she has to keep the kids?? That should be noted should someone start commenting on your son's competency again. It's not like your kid is out there partying or something. omg

    Gee, I managed to have my kids 24/7 365 days a frigging year and coped just fine. (with 2 of them difficult children.......not to mention had katie difficult child during the summers)

    If possible, go give son some major Mommy TLC this evening. Make sure he's getting down some liquids. Dehydrated only makes it much harder to throw off the bug.

  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    What jerks. I would say it in worse terms but the board censors would get me.
  4. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I would love to go---he is in a city 2 1/2 hours from me. He has no family near by. Thank God he has made some friends and they are helping him.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    You totally have not gone over the line. IF he was healthy and not dealing iwth both an acute health problem (the virus) and a chronic one (spinal issues), then you would not have needed to step in. But the pain he is in is unrelenting and even breathing is causing great pain. I guaran-dang-tee that if his ex had back problems then your son would be 'evil' for not taking the kids full time or dropping and running every time she had a whim. Back pain is something that you cannot comprehend until you have it, because it is tough to imagine having every single tiny movement hurt.

    Go and help him when you can. If at all possible, take the kids for his custody whenever that is, because she may try to use this to reduce the amt he sees his kids. It happens in some areas. Let him know that he is getting very gently cyber-hugs from this board auntie and that I hope he is better soon. And that I want him to go to urgent care or the ER if he needs it!
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    No wonder she's his ex! And the whole family, too! That's all I have to say.
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    What completely awful people they sound like! They deserved everything you gave them. Guess ex isn't that fond of her kids!