Working on an experiment...

[mrscatinthehat]

can you help.

Today in my therapy session I mentioned casually that I was thinking of making a "release" of my own for the folks that work with us. Specifically the ones that treat us well not so nicely shall we say. She told me to go for it what could it hurt as long as I was careful about what I wrote.

I have thought of this type of thing many times but figured husband would not go for it. Well guess what!?!?! As I mentioned it casually to him he said "Will you have it done in time for the new guy coming on Friday?" :smile: :surprise: :faint:

So as I sit here writing things out the brain is not playing nice about the different things I want in it. I actually plan on two. One for here at home when they come here and one for people we work with that never come to our home.

What would you put in such a thing? These are what I have to start with.


1. This is our home.

2. You will remember we are people.

3. You will remember that because we had to seek out help for our children does not make us bad people.

4. You will remember that we are not perfect and we are allowed to make mistakes.

5. You will remember we have the right to experience all emotions.

6. Our home is a work in progress and we are not millionares. Just because you don't see a change doesn't mean we are not working on it.

7. When we ask questions we have the right to honest answers.

8. What we think matters and has value as we ARE the parents.



This is what I have so far. Help please...


Beth

 

[busywend]

I am not sure I understand. Who is coming to your home? I thought your difficult children were in RTCs for a long time due to abuse to 15 yo?
That is why I do not know who is coming in, I guess.

Sorry I am so out of it!

 

[mrscatinthehat]

In our state in order to get a difficult child child into an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) you have to go through dhs. Those are the folks that come to the house. As we have a long standing case they have the "right" to drop in at any time to do a spot check etc. Also they gave us a new in home transition type worker that comes to the house. We have had other in home workers.

As their policies change and oh do they change they change how many people come to the house. Our regular case worker does not always come to do home visits. The last person that came was so exceptionally judgemental it was horrible. I was accused of neglecting easy child because we are remodeling. Of course when the next person came to inspect they said she was incorrect and it was dropped.

However it is not just those folks that treat us crappy. As I said so many of the people we work with think because dhs has placed the kids with them (again the only way to have them placed) that something is wrong with us. I know there is not but I think these folks sometimes need a reminder.

I don't understand why it is that we have to get our mental health help or children by going this route but it is the way it is. I just don't have to be treated like because I didn't really have a choice. We did what needed to be done for our kids and continue to do so. Which is also another problem a lot of these folks have. Most parents that go this route seem to walk away around here so they can do what they want. We haven't and we expect to be involved.

In truth because of where they are they are considered to be in foster care and because of how long they have been there if they got a wild hair they could terminate our rights.

The whole thing is wrong but if the kids see these people treat us this way the other thing is how do they think they can treat us?

It is a very long difficult thing (and I do discuss it at length with my own counselor). Sorry if it was confusing just trying to point out to some folks something that should be obvious. May not even give it out. But it does make me feel better.

Beth

 

[Lothlorien]

I think it's definitely how you feel, but is it going to get their backs up? Perhaps it's something you should print out and discuss with the supervisors? Perhaps sending it anonymously? I'm not sure that you aren't opening a can of worms.

 

[mrscatinthehat]

I don't know what route I would go for delivery. I may just continue working on it until difficult child 2 turns 18 then let them all have it. It's just a hard road to go on when at every turn someone is being negative to you. Trying to accomplish what we need for our kids is hard enough but being belittled etc makes it so much harder.

Beth

 

[susiestar]

I know almost how badly this hurts. We had an investigation by DHS (our CPS) due to the abuse my difficult child gave my Jessie. Jessie needed treatment, we took her to the doctor. The doctor HAD to report the abuse, and who did it. I am very glad the doctor followed the rules. It in no way kept us from getting treatment for Jess, and maybe by following the rules will help someone else.

The DHS case worker convinced my daughter that it was allher fault she got abused. If she had just done everything her bro told her he wouldn't have abused her. (very very angry about this, even the principal who sat in complained about this!)

They were very judgemental and no help at all.

The psychiatric hospital my son was in for 4 months was completely used to parents who dropped kids at the door and walked away. Parents who drove over an hour each way 3 or more times a week to visit and do therapy were alien to them. It took quite a while for them to clue in to the fact that I would show up when I said I would. And that I was to be consulted before ANY changed in medications were made.

It is an unfortunate fact that MOST of the time the providers and CPS are involved the family is in crisis, and not willing to do what the child needs.

Maybe a more bridge building method could be used? It grates, but maybe something small to remind the workers and your child and caseworker that you love your child and appreciate the time they take to keep you informed? I have had to it up and do this many times.

Of course, in some situations it was necessary to give reminders (gentle or not so) that I am the MOM and the one to listen to, that I WILL be consulted, or heads will roll.

I wish you peace from these judgemental idiots!

Susie

 

[timer lady]

Beth,

Number 1 should alwasy be...we are the parents, the owners of our home & as such will be treated with dignity & respect. That is number one when dealing with SWs of this nature. They must be reminded on a regular basis of that fact. I've had to go this route with a SW or two who were young, out of college & felt they knew the best route.

All the others are good - go with whatever order you feel works best.

 

[HereWeGoAgain]

Whether you decide to deliver the list or not, you are certainly entitled to expect at least that level of respect.

I could see those items, stated in a neutral/generic way ("Rules to Live By"), framed and posted in a home or office.