Worried mama

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Bone Weary, Oct 20, 2014.

  1. Bone Weary

    Bone Weary New Member

    Tonight I am worried about my son. No word from him in 2 days. His dad sent him money so he doesn't need me now. I never hear from him unless he wants money. When he was doing after he left the group home he never called. Until he needed money. The son I loved is gone. Maybe he never was here. Maybe years in foster care kept him from bonding with me. All I know is tonight I am sad. And worried. But ever prayerful. I just needed a place to speak from my heart. Tomorrow will be better. God bless all the sad mamas tonight...
     
  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry BW, we do understand how you feel, being a sad and worried mom is such a part of this territory. And, nothing we can do for you can take that away.......... except perhaps the knowledge that you're aren't alone anymore, we're here too. Tomorrow will most assuredly be better BW, the sun will once again shine, the moon will rise, and you will have another day to find your own joy..........blessings back at you.......
     
  3. HeadlightsMom

    HeadlightsMom Well-Known Member

    BW -- That is such a hard place to be, isn't it? So very hard as a parent. Our son came through foster care, also, and we have experienced similar. It hurts. Badly.

    What's the longest time he's "disappeared" from contact? Also.... How old is your difficult child?

    I think some difficult child's expect us to track them down (wanting it...testing us....do we REALLY love them?). I think other difficult child's couldn't care less and are running amok because it feels good in the moment. Still other difficult child's may "disappear" to conceal things.

    We have twice lost contact with our difficult child for 6 months or so. He came back. At the moment things are good with him. But they often have not been in the past, and it's possible they may not be good again in the future. I dunno. I'm content with today. I'll deal with tomorrow when tomorrow comes.

    If you don't hear from police or hospitals, he's probably ok. You can always check the local jail roster to see if he's there.

    Now, I know this may sound funny, but..... After so many years of this kind of behavior from our difficult child (who's now 24), we eventually opted to "usually" just stop looking. Really. It became required for our sanity and survival. At a certain point, we just said a prayer for him every night and left the rest up to difficult child and God. Have you ever tried that?

    We're with you, BW! SEnding prayers of peace your way now...
     
  4. JKF

    JKF Well-Known Member

    Hi BW - Your story is somewhat similar to mine. I, too, have a 20 year old difficult child who is homeless. My son has been difficult since birth. He has also spent a decent amount of time in group homes since his teen years. No one has ever been able to reach him. We (and many many others) have tried everything to help him and nothing has ever worked.

    His bio dad (my long gone ex) is a sociopath serving prison time for armed robbery. My difficult child is exactly like his father. He can be charming and loving at times but he can and will turn in an instant - usually as soon as he stops getting what he wants/needs from a person. He then turns violent and vindictive and all bets are off.

    After many years of dealing with this, my husband and I will not allow him to live in our home ever again. He has been homeless several times over the last two years since voluntarily leaving the group home he was in. His most recent stint has been since June of this year. This is the longest he's ever been on the streets in one shot. It's truly devastating but I am slowly learning to detach in order to keep my sanity. However, that being said, I do worry about my son often and he's always right there in the back of my mind. Tonight we are having terrible thunder storms (the house is literally shaking) and a LOT of rain. I keep looking outside - drawn to the window - and am finding myself wondering where he is and if he's dry/safe/warm/ok. My heart aches on nights like this but I know I didn't cause this and I know I can't change it. He's where he is because he doesn't want to do the work he needs to do in order to better his life. He has burned nearly all of his bridges although there are a couple left if he wants the help. He knows what to do and where to go if he truly wants help. It's up to him at this point.

    Anyway, I just wanted to welcome you and let you know I understand your situation and how you're feeling. Sending bigs hugs and lots of strength your way.




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