Karen,
I was told this about my child and shortcomings and I think the idea is the same for you regarding your husband and marriage.
The death of a dream is sometimes harder on us than an actual death.
I know you have a lot of friends and family to support your decisions in this matter and for that you are lucky. HOWEVER; you need at
ing buddy that is a.) not a relative b.) not a friend. c.) a trained therapist who can listen to your side of the triangle and give objective non-emotional advice to help you in your situation AND (most importantly) to point out to YOU the things that because you are so close to husband -aren't in your best interest or right, or that it's OKAY to feel this way or that and validate your emotions by talking. It has helped me tremendously to not feel boatloads of guilt. - AND it saved my relationship with my DF and Mom because I LITERALLY found myself spending every waking moment whining to them about my life. NO ONE who is your child, family or signifigant other really wants to hear woe is me. (They're kind if they tell you they do) but eventually they will find ways to avoid you - ask any of my so called former friends. I have one that is so burnt out on the life that was me? She won't even mention or ask about my son and in turn doesn't tell me about her kids so I won't "reciprocate". (after counseling I know why)
And yes, we're here for you, we will listen and we will be supportive. Thats been a lifesaver for me.
Is it ALL unfortunate? Yup. Does it have to be like that forever? Nope. It can change because YOU will change and you won't continue to make the same choices (not mistakes) but choices you once made because you'll learn about it in therapy.
When I started I went to PROVE to others that there was nothing wrong with ME (oh go on stop laughing) - it was all HIM. If I would just get away from HIM everything in MY life would be honkey dorey. BIG FAT LIE. Truth is, had I not been in counseling and SEEN the poor choices I was making for myself, my son, my family - I would have continued in my next relationship to look for and literaly seek out the SAME type of man. Maybe the packaging would have been different but without counseling I truly would have picked the same traits, and not known why I kept messing up things for me.
I will be done with my therapy in 2 weeks - maybe or maybe not for good who knows. After 11 years on and off, I would hope that I can at least pass on some sage advice regarding making good choices for yourself. My divorce was very different also, and my life is different for the better, for ME better.
Things may go wrong like they will, but I'm not sitting around beating myself up over it anymore. I deal with it, move on and spend my time finding humor and making me able to be a better person.
I was worth the investment of time. I'm much better now!
Hope you've managed to read this far. I'm real wordy when it comes to being a better you.
Hugs & Love
Star