You will be proud!! ups and downs

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mog, Sep 20, 2009.

  1. mog

    mog Member

    First Up- easy child called and apologized and said that she was just being selfish and did not want to deal with difficult child. . She is a good kid and not doing anything stupid. She likes to go to this dance studio on Friday nights where they are learning salsa, rehearsal for the choir, movies, sporting events and church of course. I told her that I was not mad just hurt and it made her feel bad. I told her that I know that it is hard sometimes to deal with all of difficult child's ****. I don’t blame her that sometimes she just doesn't want to be around it but told her that we would like to see her too. I also told her that I realize that she is an adult and has the right to make her own decisions, I am always going to be her mom and will have an opinion and she might not like it but she is always going to be my daughter. She promised that she will let us know when she is going on long trips which made me feel better.

    Downs- difficult child is still in the shelter and they don't seem to be in a hurry to place him anywhere. He asked if he wanted to see us and he said yes but to call ahead because if they are going on an outing he is not going to miss out. OUCH!!! So on Friday the agency that is supposed to be finding him a foster family called to do paperwork and said that the foster family might go over and see him so if we wanted to go meet them they would call us. They never called so we didn't see him. Some friends of ours had called and wanted us to go over (they have invited us so many times that we haven't gone because we are babysitting our 16 year old baby) so at 6 we figured they weren’t going and we went to visit our friends :D
    Saturday I had an appointment in town and called but they were on an outing so we thought we would not be able to see him. My husband"S sister was in town and invited us to go to the fair -our friends had already invited us-we thought about it and decided that we really shouldn’t go because our financial situation is bad with neither of us working but agree that if we eat before we go it wont be that expensive since we don't ride the rides, play the games or go to the casino, all we really NEEDED was money for COTTON CANDY (a must have) and something to drink. So we called his sister and our friends and told them we would go. We got there first and waited about 45 minutes for friends. WE lucked out and parked in handicap (because of husband) so they didn't charge us to park. Then we walked around with them and his sister didn't show up for a couple of hours. When we were in one of the leather shops difficult child called and asked if we were still on his side of town so we could pick him up for a pass. I told him no and that I was sorry to have missed the chance in the morning and he said ok-I did not tell him we were at the fair he would have made me feel bad and guilty. (But in the past I would have said yes and go running over there to see him -ruining the good time husband and I were having- putting him first because I am in so much pain with him not being with us ) We hadn't done anything fun in a while we both had a great time!

    PROUD- We got up this morning and went to church. When I got home I called and they said that difficult child and another boy had an argument so they did not get to go on today’s outing so I asked if I could talk to him. He wanted us to go get him and take him on a four hour pass so that we could do something and I told him I was sorry but we could not –he was sad and tried to give me a guilt trip but I didn’t engage so I told him bye. Later I felt bad and called again to see how he was doing and he said ok. He asked if we were going tomorrow and I told him I did not have appointments in town so probably not. He tells me that I say I want to see him but that when he tells me to come I say no. I explained that it is an hour and 15 min. one way for me to go see him and that I have tried several times but he doesn’t want to miss out on their outings. So he says “but you are coming to take me to confirmation classes right- I have permission to do that. I told him no. The Classes start at 7 pm until 9 pm then have to drive him 1 hour and 15 minutes back over there and back. So he yells at me saying FINE then I won’t get confirmed until I’m 25 and he hangs up. I feel like I did good by getting out and doing things and not staying in bed or at home sad and alone. I'm sorry he is mad, sad but He is the one that chose this not me. :faint:
  2. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    You did great! I'm really impressed with how you are handling things. I know how hard it is to say "no", all the guilt, etc. You should be very proud of yourself, I am!