You'll need to sit down for this one....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Star*, Dec 2, 2008.

  1. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Tomorrow the "agency" will try to move Dude 200 miles NW from his foster home that is WORKING and getting results. Why? We think it is setting him up to fail. Dude can't survive well without a family support system. And he's 18 so if they force him to sign himself into a placement that is not tried and not going to work, and he quits? He's out of their program - and consequently homeless. So tomorrow, we find out.

    They have said he's not in compliance with their program. To be in compliance they said (after contract) he must attend school 4 days a week. (His probation says he must have a GED by 2010) They said he must have a job (his probation says he needs to pay his fines doesn't say has to have a job) - he's been working around our house; and doing a good job to earn money for probation.

    This sending him away makes NO sense other than they have done NOTHING to assist him with job help/training etc. They have made two suggestions BOTH of which they knew would NOT come to fruition because of restrictions on where and when he can attend GED classes. (ie he has no ride, he was in self contained and night school won't take self contained kids period in this district) OR he can go to Voc rehab for job training during the day - and oops my bad - he has to go to school huh witha little twitch of their mouth.

    So.....I posted on the board this dilema. Personally I wouldn't have thought of this solution, but wanted to publically thank D3 for her brilliant idea. Fingers crossed - we went in search of a job training program that WOULD take him convicted felon and all....but non-violent. The Salvation Army we have been purusing for years has a new manger that is really on the ball. I spoke with her about Dudes problem and how we were worried he would be homeless. She has created a job training program - and took interviews. Dude got one of the positions - volunteer, no pay but nonetheless - could work into a paying job. When he came out of the 45 minute interview he was beaming - literally. Finally someone had taken him for him - earrings and all.

    But.....not the most amazing part.

    Yesterday he informed the school that he NEEDED to get at least ONE day in the Job training program BEFORE this meeting (using his head to think ahead and have proof he's in the program participating) via a letter he will ask his mgr. for today.

    YES - today!!!! AND

    He got written letters from the principal, teacher and tutor on his progress for the meeting tomorrow. He'll have the one for job training *you know like the agecny couldn't help him figure out -
    He spoke with his probation officer who said a job by the 15th or jail /work camp despite paying his fines....and THIS will count as a job - paying or not it's called OWE occupational work experience!!!! :tongue:

    He's also been to school every day, done 2 stints at community service, has been getting along at the fosters and doing what is asked of him, helping out their kids, and babysitting for a friend of theirs.

    BUT WAIT THERE IS MORE .........

    He called ME yesterday to see IF he could spend the night so that he could BE ON TIME for his NEW POSITION....(crickets chirp) blink...
    If he got there early enough he offered to rake the leaves as many as he could before dark to offset the gas cost. (more crickets)
    Then laid out his clothes, cleaned his shoes
    GOT UP ON TIME without begging and (#U$()(I*)(@ at all
    I packed him a lunch (his first job lunch ;))
    And we left.......and........he was even willing to stand in the 25 degree weather without complaining because no one gets to the job before 8:30 and I have to drop him off by 7:45AM.....

    I got thanked for the coat, the ride, the lunch......and hugged.

    NOW WHY would they meet us tomorrow and send him away???? TO FAIL???

    I'm not going to be very nice if they find a way out of THIS one.

    PLUS - DUDE also is looking for a job that pays closer to home .....he just needed to know what it was like to WIN an give him that I can confidence.....

    I'm just amazed.....and like DF said "about time" but yes yes crusty older curmudgeon.....he's thinking beyond 10 minutes from now - and NOT really defiant about any of it. (holding breath)

    I swear to you Toto - I could just kiss you for that book - How to talk so your teen will listen and how to listen so your teen will talk. MwaH.

    Just wanted to share the pay off from a lot of hard work.

    I told Dude getting out of the car I was proud of him....and he walked into that job training place - and sat down outside - and someone came out and actually was there so they let him in!

    Except for the sponge bob ski hat pulled up to a point and his pants tucked into his socks - you would have thought he was as normal as any other kid.


  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Wow, I started reading, thinking, Eouuwww... and then, OH WOW!!!
    Oh, Dude, Way To Go! And keep going! Woo Hoo!!!!

    (I think I'd better buy that book.)
  3. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Star I am so so happy and relieved for you and especially for Dude. I really am. You must be so hopeful, rightfully so.

    Words just can't cover how happy I am and was to see this post. Yea for him!! So impressive the entire thing even to his "attire" lol. :) THEY all dress like that!!! LOL


    your strength and perserverance (can't spell i'm sleepy) have prevailed once again and you have transferred that strength onto Dude as well. Good job MOM!!!!!
  4. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Alrite bare with me i'm sleepless today and i get "hallmark cardish" when i'm like this. LOL

    Yet when I read what you go through, what Dude goes through, how you always manage to find laughter and lightheartedness in just about any situation, and others Steely your in there too, and ok i'm not naming names i wont' remember but all of you. When is see how you balance and juggle and stay focused and hopeful it really truly gives me such inner strength, it kinda keeps me going on days when i feel like all my hard work with difficult child is umm going nowhere.

    ok tear, tear lol i'm done!!
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Star, this is such great news!! I'm VERY proud of Dude, too! If these nit-wits pull this out from under him, it would be hard not to turn into a violent person LOL! I hope and pray they can see that he is doing every thing he can and he has others to vouch for that. You are an amazing support for him and I can see you beaming from Virginia!!
  6. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    ACK just about had that sick feeling in my stomach when I read the thread title, and soooo happy to be able to say WOOO HOOO good going Dude. That's all very good news, and I hope the agency sees how hard he's working at it and scraps any plans they had in their tiny minds about moving him. Perhaps Dude's realized he'd come to a fork in his path and realized that going on the way he was wouldn't really get him where he wanted to be in life and made that left turn.
  7. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    As the song goes " you have to try try and try try and succeed at last"
    Now I am all weepy happy over another achievement hard one in the growth of a challenged child at the unflappable persistance of a mother....
    yep...that adgency better get with it or when those members get past the Pearly gates won't they be surpised by the bed of nails in the lounge while they are waiting for that final judgement.
    I am going to be on pins and needles waiting to read the outcome of the meeting.
    Come on difficult child! Win 'em over! Go Moms GO GO GO!
  8. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Star...I'm so proud of Dude! Hope he has a great day at work!

    I'll be dancing in the fog and sending prayers that tomorrow's meeting goes smoothly.
  9. I hope that they don't send Dude away. He sounds to me like he IS making progress. Long road, but he is getting there.

  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    WOW!! This is go absolutely GREAT! And if those "agency"um-nay uts-nay mess this up, well, I will be lobbing dead rats at them EVERY time they start to not expect it. (ANd some are old enuf to have enuf methane to propel themselves - guided Moussiles!).

    I think that you, Dude adn DF have ALL come so FAR it is incredible. And inspirational.

    I am all prepared to nekkid chicken liver dance the night away. May even send a warning Mousile or 2, just to let them know my boys'n I mean business!

    Many hugs to all of you!
  11. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Not only did your Avatar make me smile SO big. But this post is just a huge example of what is possible for our kids.
    If they have family support. Support from the community. Support from our Country.
    Even if he can't live at home, he obviously needs you and DF. How can they not see this?
    Hold onto this day. Know that no matter what happens tomorrow, Dude has grown he has shown you and those people that he is a maturing young man who wants to try and make it.
    If they send him away, it is because the system is flawed. Because our system does not work.
    I am so nervous for tomorrow but so happy for now.
  12. compassion

    compassion Member

    Congrats!!! Compassion
  13. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    First, I am so proud of Dude. He really is doing all the right things. Tell him to take a bow or two or even three for all of his hard work and initiative. He's earned every bow, standing ovation and applause he is given.

    Now, I gotta say it. I'm not jumping for joy. I'm quaking in my boots for him. Is he prepared at all for them to ignore every positive thing he shows to them and to hear he has to go elsewhere? Are you?

    I'm terrified of what is going to happen if the agency still says he has to go and my gut says that is exactly what will they will do. They want him to fail. It really is that ugly and simple. If he walks out, they can (1) check him off the books, (2) not have to pay another penny to help him, (3) make it look "successful" on paper.

    Is there any chance the PO can show up for this meeting? It might go a long way to stop some of the madness. Nothing like another government official to stop some of the BS. The letters might help but a physical presence is usually more effective.

    For now, several prayers going up that I'm dead wrong and they really are willing to give him a chance to succeed. No matter what, Dude deserves every good wish going his way considering how much work he is doing to stay here.
  14. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    :D fingers crossed. prayers said. D3
  15. Critter Lover

    Critter Lover New Member

    :woohoo:Star this is excellent news! It sounds like things are going well for you and Dude! I hope my scenerio ends up as good as yours!

    Way To Go to you and high five to Dude!


  16. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    <WOW> so there's hope!?!

    I hope his new attitude is enough to keep him where he is. I am so scared of when difficult child I turns 18 he technically has services until he is 21 but once he's 18 he can discontinue them at his will (scarey)
  17. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Fingers crossed, Star.
  18. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Star, I am crossing fingers, rattling beads and dancing like crazy.
    I am busting with pride for Dude and all of the hard work he's done, and saying many prayers that the agency sees and understands.

    I'm with Susie. If the um-nay uts-nay don't get it, we WILL storm the barricades.
  19. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Re: the manner of dress.....are you SURE Dude and my difficult child aren't related??????

    Re: the positive behavior :surprise: YEAH DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!!!!! I'm thinking he's going to get his OWN card from Cloe!!!

    Fingers, toes, and anything else I can manage, crossed for the meeting.
  20. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    :surprise: So freaking happy for you, and Dude. No matter what. This day stands as progress in his life.

    I will be praying for tomorrow. I believe only good will happen now. What a kiddo, that Dude. He is amazing. And you ~ you are an unbelievable Mom.