Young AS Man at Work

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by ML, Mar 21, 2009.

  1. ML

    ML Guest

    I've posted about this young man at work who is the classic poster adult child for AS. I've sort of taken on his role as work mom when I'm there which isn't often because I work out of two offices now.

    He's had some rough times with people not understanding his awkward attempts at humor. A lot of people don't like him because he's wierd and despite my trying to help them understand many of them don't want to. Luckily his immediate boss is kind. But he has a childlike emotional makeup and it's difficult for others to make allowances for it.

    He reminds me of manster. He take everything personally and has meltdowns. He tries to hide them but I can see tears well up in his eyes after he throws his hands up in the air if the phone rings too often or someone says something he doesn't like. Yesterday he was in a mood and I ignored him. He had put on his "leave me alone" demeanor and instead of approaching him to ask how he was I just left him alone. At the end of the day he came around to my desk and said, in a tear choked voice, "by the way thanks for giving me the cold shoulder all day" and then walked away. When I tried to approach him to talk he literally ran away from me. I guess I'm the one person he feels comfortable with and he felt somehow abandoned by me.

    It's a tough call. I can't take on his stuff but I guess I can take the time to be kinder and more understanding because no one else there does. I felt bad. I'll make it up to him next week. I've tried to encourage him to find a different counselor, this one doesn't get it. He told me that he shared with her the possiblity of AS stuff and she dismissed it, probably because she doesn't know anything about it, believe it or not. He needs to find an AS social networking site. He is so lonely and isolated and thinks women his age hate him.

    He's come far despite this pervasive developmental challenge. He's the leader of his young dems group here in Denver and is very active politically. He has a math degree, but is working as the receptionist till another job opens up which will be a while with our current hiring freeze.

    I don't know what I'm asking for here, just probably anything that pops into your minds as you read this.
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I have no suggestions but I'm sure your support is paramount to him. This week difficult child (18 and AS) goes for testing by Voc/Rehab again. Following the beat of a different drummer is not embraced by society even if the person is kind and trying their best. Each gesture of kindness you make is enhancing his life. DDD
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Travis has many of the same issues at work. It takes a long time for people to finally get him, and many never do. So far he has been lucky in the fact that middle aged female co-workers usually pick up quickly that there is obvious disabilities and begin to mother him. This has been his saving grace more than once.

    No specific advice though. Good that he has a boss that understands and you to help.
  4. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Poor guy. I've never dealt with this before but just thinking outloud.....

    Maybe write him a note explaining why you left him alone and asking to get together someplace to talk. Then maybe the two of you could work out some sort of code or signal for him to use if he really DOES want you to ask what's wrong even when he's sending out the leave me alone signals to everyone else. Maybe a code word or even just a specific placement of something on his desk. (certain colored sticky note placed somewhere, his stapler on top of his in box instead of his desk....something subtle like that that only you would understand)

    Sounds like he's lucky to not only have an understanding boss but also a support there as well. (You)
  5. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hi! Why don't you have him take a look at this site:

    It has really outstanding forums that are both resource type forums, but there are quite a few that are interest based as well. He could go into the ones that would give him a chance to talk to others that may have similar interests and he would get an opportunity to interact without shyness getting in the way.

    As far as how to handle him? I'd sit down with him and explain that you interpreted his body language and demeanor as "leave me alone" and see if he "gets it". A lot of the time Aspies have NO idea that they're putting a particular message across. Maybe the two of you can work some type of signal that he could use if there's something he'd need to talk about. If you guys make it concrete, there's no mistaking it!

    You really are a compassionate and wonderful friend - we could use more of you in the world!

  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My son is the same way. He has two degrees but he works part time in retail. He gets so upset sometimes with his manager he can hardly stand it. Luckily he manages not to really offend her so he keeps his job but his social skills are lacking so she tends to "hear" that he is upset. He isnt good at office politics.
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm leery of the Voc/Rehab testing that's being done again this week. I don't think they "get" AS and therefore the results dependable. It's such a quirky disability! I'm hoping that wherever he lands he has a friend. DDD