A good friend has been sober since he was 21. These are his words FWIW:

[Signorina]

poofed - but will be happy to email.

This was a blog post by a friend who has been sober since 21 years of age - after a wild binge weekend away at college and detoxing on his own - and has been living sobriety day by day since then.

I poofed only because these are his words and not my own and I don't want to compromise his privacy.

Just to say - there is hope.

 

[pinevalley]

Sig,

Thanks so much for sharing this letter from your friend. His message is really powerful, and it does give me hope to hear a success story like this. Sometimes it is hard to see a happy ending when we are constantly in crisis with our difficult child, but this is a reminder that it is possible to beat an addiction. I have to believe this if I want to have any hope at all for my own difficult child. Thanks again,

 

[exhausted]

Thank you so much. I have shared it with difficult child. I needed to hear this and so did she. Nothing she doesn't know-it just needs to be day by day. The part about keep going to counseling and learning the skills was good. I keep wondering if any of it is worth it. I have thought that maybe when she was ready, she would be able to use those valuable skills. Your friend is proof that it can work.

 

[AmericanGirl]

Sig...thanks for sharing. We need all the hope you can find these days on this board. Hugs..

 

[Nancy]

Sig that is wonderful, truly wonderful and very hopeful and I thank you for sharing it. The only thing that bothers me is that there are a lot of addicts who have strong family values and a good support system and it doesn't always help. And that scares me to death.

Nancy

 

[Signorina]

Nancy - I have to believe that good values and good family systems always help. Even if it doesn't protect them from becoming addicts or help them hit bottom sooner or recover faster. When I think of the people I know who have been living sober for decades - that's the commonality that comes to mind. Not to say that it's a panacea or that there is no hope for people without a strong background. TBH, the few people I know who had horrible upbringings and substance issues - but later chose sobriety - had a strong desire to live a calm and value based life.

I guess in my own unlearned, unprofessional opinion - people who do well at being sober are people who have a strong personal motivation for a better life. And since sometimes you can't miss what you never had, I think those who had chaotic upbringings don't realize that they can stop the chaos in their own lives. Likewise, i think the glimmer of living a normal, balanced moral life can be fanned aflame in those addicts who realize they alone are a cause of their chaos and who can remember a life that wasn't always chaotic or hand to mouth.

At least that's my hope. Sure it's no guarantee - but I feel like us moms are keeping their old lives alive for them. They HAVE something to return to - but they have to WANT that lifestyle. And when and if they do WANT a sober life, all is not lost.

I hope I am making sense. I guess if I am wrong - I don't want to know. Because then what's the point of investing so much of ourselves in trying to raise good kids?

Not trying to be argumentative - it's just the only thought that comforts me. And I am keeping that flame alive.

 

[toughlovin]

I do think good family upbringing and values and love make a difference. I think my son would have been far worse off far sooner if he didn't have the family that he has.... and I think recovery of any kind is easier when you have support in your life.

However the couple of addicts I know well have had horrible family histories... and yet they still found a way to recovery and healing. So there are other factors as well. I think part of it is inner strength of some kind and also some reason to keep on living....

TL