Adhd - my first hand experience and learning

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Giulia, Apr 4, 2012.

  1. Giulia

    Giulia New Member

    Ok, I copy what I said in another thread. It's first hand experience.
    I will then try to summarize for who want the short version.

    My short version

    1) ADHD can be extremely debilitating, to the point that a child/adult is absolutely unable to help at home, work/study if not on medicine.
    Some can work/study and/or help at home with severe ADHD and without medicine, but to others, ADHD can be so debilitating that it completely prevents from helping at home and/or studying/working if they don't have any medicine to take.
    It's not laziness. it can be debilitating like that to some individuals. As debilitating as if someone were in ICU.
    When ADHD is as debilitating as that, the first and foremost priority must be getting the needed help. It has no sense to ask someone who really, really can't study/work/help at home/self support to do it.
    Mom and I learnt it the very harsh way.

    2) To make myself buy the idea of medicines, I was told that if I had a somatic illness (diabetes, asthma....), no one would question the need for medicines.
    It may not work for every individual, but it worth to be tried.

    3) Rely on baby steps. One little thing after another. The more you rely on baby steps, the more you can avoid anger, resentment, feelings of guiltiness.... for yourself (and the person, of course).
    It took me weeks to master the laundry, and months to master planning my chores. With mom, we took one tiny step at time. Once it has been mastered, we added another one. And so on...

    4) When a rule is broken, the general intuition is adding more rules to counteract the broken rule.
    It rarely works, it more often than not leads to escalation because it gives more occasions to break the rules. So, it goes towards escalation only.
    As counterintuitive as it seems, keeping only the essential rules, and keeping the list short and simple, while we consistently enforce these rules, leads to a much better outcome.
    Short and consistence is much more efficient.
    My experience is only health and safety are the absolute no no at home, the line to never ever cross. I help as much as I can, but there are some moments that I really can't keep it, so be it. Then, if pants and tee-shirt are mismatched, it would be better not to, but it's not the end of the world.
    The two rules of thumb are "health and safety first and foremost" and "do your best, even if results are not always there".

    5) And if we had to keep only one important thing, it would be this one. Pick up your battles, so you avoid endless lists.
    The more you avoid the endless lists, the better.
    "Less is more", it's true also in such a situation.

    6) ADHD can evolve during the course of time, to the better or to the worse. Even when becoming a teen/adult.
    Don't assume that it evolves always to the better without medicine, it may not be the case at all.