Aggression only toward family

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Matty's Mummy, Mar 4, 2010.

  1. Matty's Mummy

    Matty's Mummy Member

    I’m back

    Hi my son is now 5yrs old, still doing wonderfully at school, no out bursts…school see the perfect child he can be.
    At home is a different story. Starts the moment he wakes.

    To be clear here he is angry and annoyed at me right from the start just because I wake him for school.
    Other times he can be fine and then while walking to school he will start. Like yesterday, I turned back and said to him. “come on mate” to which he screamed at me “shut up, just shut up, don’t tell me anything!”
    Then another occasion me, “don’t hit your brother.

    If you hit your brother you will go to your room” Matt ‘yeah well I will cut your head off then” I felt sick to my stomach he has said a few things like this now.
    Same thing if we ask him to clean up, hop off the computer, tell him it’s bed time. Basically anything we ask of him or tell him to do he is like this, only to us though.

    He has still never been in trouble at school.
    So what the heck are we doing wrong? I try to be so gentle and sweet to him hoping that will work. But seriously the nicer I am to him the more he seems to be like this.

    So I try and be relaxed but that’s not working. I never had to try and be anything with my daughter, she just was….so deep down I know it’s not us, but then I blame us because he isn’t doing this **** in fount of anyone else or to anyone else.

    Oh no well he did have a huge meltdown in fount of his friends mother, the boy was taunting him over and over and he lost it. But who wouldn’t.

    Sometimes I now find myself wondering if we should have smacked him, gee I never did because I didn’t want my child to show aggression or be aggressive but he is anyway. I cant figure out if there is something more or he is just loving intimidating us…and if so why, why the heck would a child be like that?
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    You aren't doing anything wrong, but I think you will be if you start smacking him. Moreoever, it likely will only make things even worse. in my opinion your have an atypicaal child and should have him evaluated. You do have some stuff going on in the family as far as heredity and probably he also has something going on. Aspergers come to mind. Do you have any mood disorders on the family tree on either side (rememeber ex's genes are still there).

    A lot of kids can maintain at school, but then it's so pent up they let it all out at home. That's not unusual, although it can change as the child gets older if he doesn't' get supports. Good luck, whatever you decide to do...I strongly favor a blood test for genetics issues AND a Neurosych evaluation to catch the rest. Take care :)
  3. Matty's Mummy

    Matty's Mummy Member

    thanks yes I'm not smacking him though the thought went through my know when your brought up being hit I guess it's there in your mind. though I know it makes things worse it crossed my mind.
    Will have to make another appointment with the Pead, she decided last time that there was no point in giving him a diagnoses as he is doing so well at school. Saying the only thing a diagnoses will help with is, getting Aide time at school that he doesn’t’ need so the school wont make it available so no point in having it. Hmmm
    He was really good today, then tonight started to get aggressive with his Dad and little brother, he calmed down easy enough, never does that with just me though. Makes me wonder if he is playing me…
    Gee it’s hard eh?
  4. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    It's pretty common for difficult kids to be able to hold it together in certain situations or locations and let it all hang lose in others. It can be for a variety of reasons: peer pressure, dealing with another adult than the familiar parental/authority figure, responding to one parent better than the other, expending their holding it together energy outside the home and not having any left for the homefront, etc. It is a good idea to think it through to see if there's a difference in the way adults are handling the child, because sometimes minor changes can help. Other times there's no rhyme nor reason. If there's another adult in the household, tag teaming off is a good idea.
  5. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I think that is common for a lot of our kids. Kanga could make others think I was crazy because she was an ideal child for them and a terror for me.

    I think SRL hit it on the head with all the reasons this could be happening.

    Is he adopted? Was there any trauma when he was younger?

    Good job not hitting him, these kids can be really frustrating but they will not respond to a spanking the way a neurotypical child would.
  6. lekami

    lekami New Member

    I am going through the same thing with my son. Everything except for the part with how he said he'll cut your head off. Right now mine just says "He Hates Me" or that I'm an idiot, or I'm stupid.
    I don't understand why it's only at home...don't get me wrong I'm actually grateful because he's so easy for people to look after, and does well at Preschool etc. I wouldn't want other people to have to deal with this from my son. But my parents and inlaws always say they can't believe he acts the way I say he does, because he's a perfect little guy for them.