Am I wrong to be so cynical?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by blackgnat, Sep 21, 2012.

  1. blackgnat

    blackgnat Active Member

    Okay, I am BEYOND grateful for everything that has happened. This young man, my son, who was WITHOUT HOPE, has seemingly turned his life around. Is a model resident at the mission he works for. The transformation is a real miracle.

    But I am still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Does that say more about me and nothing about him? This kid has been the most manipulative, conniving, cunning chameleon. Alcoholic, drug user, domestic violence perpetrator...

    All of a sudden he has been promoted twice-from dishwasher to cook in training. I went to see him yesterday-he has accepted Jesus into his life (I looked at him like wtf? you were always an athiest!) he looked back at me and said, "Mom I know you know me, but I REALLY am genuine about this. This stuff has stuck with me and I have been saved..."

    He was talking about God and hope and that in his spare time he reads the Bible and is getting a lot out of it. He is speaking tonight at some kind of rally and SENATORS are attending. All based on his 3 week progress...

    My philosophy is "if this gives you strength and hope and happiness, then go for it!"

    But at the same time, I feel so cynical about it-he has only been there 3 weeks!

    What would you all think and do?
  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I tend to always be the optimist in all things, so take that into consideration, however, I would be open to the changes and 'cautiously optimistic,' as the saying goes. You don't want to set yourself up to be heartbroken and disappointed if this doesn't work out as he sees it will. on the other hand, you can enjoy this time while he is okay, stay in the present moment and if it all goes to hell in a hand basket later on, it's not like you haven't been there. Waiting for the other shoe to drop is part of this particular parenting trip because we are up and down with their ups and downs, so some of what you're feeling is conditioning. I think most of us are quite familiar with the "other shoe dropping syndrome." As I get better at detaching I don't want my world to revolve around what antics my difficult child is up to or not, so perhaps this could provide an opportunity for you to try to stay neutral about it. At least, that's my goal. For me it's like meditation, my meditation teacher used to tell me, "just sit and practice, it's always a practice." Now, I 'practice' detachment and acceptance, a lot.
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Cautiously optimistic but keep your hand on your I never believe the newly converts to God. I am so amazed by how many have suddenly found religion and its just a new addiction. My brother in law is now just as addicted to religion and putting all of us sinners who dont go to his form of organized religion down. Problem is he is so closed minded he doesnt actually even understand what he is talking about which made me want to strangle him about 50 times a week when he lived here. Now its down to just every Sunday when he arrives at my house.
  4. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I would celebrate the positive changes and get on my knees and pray that they stick.
  5. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I'd enjoy the lull. But I'm cynical too, permanent changes don't happen that fast.
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would cross my fingers, enjoy the respite, and hope it lasts. If God is his new addiction, in my opinion that is a good addiction. Let the addiction continue.
  7. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    It's hard to say, but 3 weeks sober in the life of an addict is like a lifetime, so if God has transformed him, who are we to say it's not possible. on the other hand, you know the parable about the seeds? Some fall on rocky ground and sprout up quickly, but without strong roots, they soon wither. If your son is developing healthy roots, it will stick. Even if he relapses, he may get back on track...only time will tell. If you pray, it wouldn't do a bit of harm to pray for his continued enlightenment!
  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I don't know. It would be wonderful if it was valid and heartfelt. on the other hand, I'd keep part of heart is reserve. Hugs. DDD
  9. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    It's something about the programs! My difficult child was the same way. We went to church when he was growing up BUT in the programs he became very religious. Always quoting verses, played for the choir.

    Sadly, it did not keep him from relapsing. Just go with the flow and keep your fingers crossed!
  10. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    This is going to probably come out wrong..........

    But I think for some addicts, their new "addiction" becomes religion/god. I'm not saying that is a bad thing. I mean if you have an addictive personality, then it would be best for you to be addicted to something good than self destruct. I think they cling to the religion/god part of it like they once did the drugs. They're handing off what they can't handle (whatever it might be) to something/someone else. Makes sense.

    Like I said, though, I don't see it as a bad thing. Except this happens quite a bit with addicts in first stages of recovery........also with newly saved christians.........and trust me, it wears off in time. Doesn't mean they're not still religious and faithful, just means the over the top behavior dissipates.

    Like Janet said, I'd keep my hand on my wallet though, while hoping for the best.