An aha! moment for difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Fran, Jul 7, 2009.

  1. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    As I said in the morning thread difficult child spent 4 days with a buddy and his family. Not only did I get a lovely comment about difficult child from the mother, it seems difficult child grew up a bit.
    This young man is a very anxious young man and difficult child befriended him when he first went to school. He is a little less independent than difficult child but really high anxiety.

    Today when difficult child was taking out the trash, I thanked him for doing it with out a hassle. It's really a help. He said "I had a glimpse of what my life would be if I don't make a choice to grow up". I didn't really know what he meant. He said if he didn't grow up he would live a life like his buddy. "What would that be, difficult child?" I ask. He said, " buddy is immature, impulsive and obnoxious. He doesn't take any advice and he can't live on his own. It's the way I would be if I don't grow up" He quickly added "I will always be a kid at heart." Heck, I'll take it.

    I was pretty blown away by his reflective thought process. Could it be that another light bulb turned on? Did we go one step further on difficult child's life journey? I try not to blow simple situations out of proportion. He hasn't really done anything different but like all of us warrior mom's, my heart leaped in hope that things will change and improve for him.

    Somedays he surprises me.
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    how AWESOME!!! He may not make giant steps after this, but the knowledge is in there. Sooner or later it will take effect.

    It is great that he has enough insight to see that.
  3. aeroeng

    aeroeng Mom of Three

    Everything that fustrated him before will still fustrate him now. But the first step is learning to recognize it! Wonderful!!!!!!!!!!!!
  4. whatamess

    whatamess New Member

    That is awesome! Very insightful of your son!
  5. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    How great it is that he saw what he doesn't want to if he can figure out how to live the life he does want. How's the job coach working?
  6. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Fran, awesome insight on the part of your difficult child! I think you have every reason to hang on to hope for continued improvement.
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

  8. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

  9. maril

    maril New Member

    :proud: Thanks for sharing the news, proud mom. It is good to hear. I also like when I see light at the end of the tunnel.
  10. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Wow. Ya know, even if it doesn't change anything, that's one heck of a realization, and the first step to changing is realizing you need to...impressive.
  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think seeing things in others that they suddenly realize are there in themselves really is a huge step. I think that is one of the really big parts of why Cory has been changing. He sees others who are doing stupid things that he did and he now thinks how dumb they are for doing it.

    This is a really good step in the right direction.
  12. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thanks for sharing this, I'm sitting here with a huge grin on my face. I think it's a huge step for him to be so insightful!
  13. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Are you sure your difficult child isn't friends with MY difficult child?

    Good for him though! I'm still waiting although I think for my difficult child, it will take an epiphany the size of a 2x4 upside the head to get through to him.
  14. Star*

    Star* call 911


    I think this is the part of being a parent like us that is phenominal. We are lucky enough to fully appreciate a moment like this through the eyes of parents who can truly appreciate the value and worth of your sons' comment! Thanks for sharing the aha moment. You've come a long way baby! Thats BOTH of you babies....;)
  15. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Thanks all. I know you appreciate his insight.
    It is a sign of a warrior mom to hear that comment and know how important it is. I absolutely appreciate hearing it.
    I sure hope it's not pride on my part. I think I was humbled pretty early on but it did give me that surge of hope. Doesn't that recharge our batteries and want us to put the energy into some productive use?
    Now it's up to him to make a plan to achieve small goals. Developmental delay and emotional delay doesn't mean it doesn't ever happen. Right?
    It used to be 18 was the magic number when there wasn't anymore progress expected. Fortunately, that was quite a few years ago.

    We have been in a holding pattern improvement wise for quite a while. Maybe he is ready to make a leap because he sees in another what his alternative is.
  16. graceupongrace

    graceupongrace New Member

    Very cool, Fran.

    Good insight on the part of difficult child. I don't know if it indicates he's ready for a leap, but that self-awareness is a good first step. And it doesn't sound like pride on your part; it sounds like hope. It sounds like a warrior mom.

  17. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Fran, he just gave you the perfect 'do to get' real life scenario. You can always remind him of how he felt after returning from that trip. If he is anything like my difficult child, he will need the reminders - LOL!

    I am happy for him to not only see it and be able to verbalize it - but NOT want the same for himself! WOW! Way To Go difficult child!!!!
  18. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    good news. Perhaps, for your difficult child, seeing what he doesn't want (or don't want to be) is a bigger lesson than seeing what he wants (or what they want to be). Formulating a plan to get where they want to be could be overwhelming. But formulating a plan on what they don't want to be may be an easier thing to wrap their heads around.

    Great step for difficult child, Fran. Proud board family here.

  19. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    That is great. That should hopefully help him to continue to mature and grow. Awesome job to both of youl
  20. Christy

    Christy New Member

    Amazes me how difficult children can see things so clearly in another child but usually not in themselves. It is fabulous that difficult child is able to see the connection to his own life and how his good choices have affected him. WOW!