An old member just checking in

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Fran, Sep 2, 2017.

  1. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Hello everyone. A few of you may remember me. I heard there was some concern about the flooding in Houston and my families well being. We are fine. I live north of Atlanta Ga.now. difficult child is still in the Dallas area. easy child is in Orlando working his dream job and attending grad school part time. husband and I are trying to figure out what a future retirement may look like. Not for a while but trying to head in that direction.

    I have so many fond memories of my time on this website. There were a great many heartfelt stories, sad stories and incredibly funny ones that got us through tough times. I can never forget the hands that helped pull me up and shake me out of the overwhelming terror of realizing a difficult child may not be a toddler phase he would grow out of. You have been so kind and it looks as if the legacy of this site continues.
    Thank you for asking about me. I miss so many of you. Love to the warrior moms and dads.
     
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  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    It is great to hear from you and to hear how you are doing! I will never forget that gathering at your house! It was a wonderful evening! I am glad that things are going well for you and that you were not near the hurricane. You won't believe it buy my own difficult child is grown and on his own and doing quite well!! He has even forged a very positive relationship with his sister, believe it or not. He is a great kid and all I ever hear from people is how great he is. Much of that could not have happened without wisdom learned from this site.
     
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  3. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Wow Susie, you had a tough time. I am tickled to hear that your son is doing so well. Enjoy your life now.
     
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  4. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Fran,

    I have used your advice of talk to kids while they are in the car many, many times. I'm so glad that you weren't flooded out by Harvey. I do have some friends who were, but at least they are safe.
     
  5. ctmom05

    ctmom05 Member

    .. .. ..

    Hi Fran! You left a mighty big footprint here at Conduct Disorders & for that many of us are grateful
     
  6. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi Fran!! It is so good to hear from you. My daughter just celebrated 18 months of sobriety and has held down a full time job for over a year. She is a completely different person now, has totally embraced the twelve-step program, and is a sponsor for others in NA.

    My younger daughter decided teaching was not for her after four years in the classroom and went to grad school in Colorado. She now has a masters degree in Applied Statistics and works here in Atlanta in market research. She doubled her teaching salary so she is very happy that she made the career switch.

    I retired from face-to-face teaching and now only teach part time online. I still seem just as busy, though. My husband and I are working on a lot of house projects getting it ready to put on the market next spring. We hope to move up to the Dahlonega/Dawsonville area.

    I can't believe our kids are all grown now. It's nice to be past those crazy years, isn't it?

    ~Kathy
     
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  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi Fran,
    Glad to hear you are doing well. difficult child is not the same kid he used to be. He is no longer violent. He is working three jobs and volunteering at two (the volunteer jobs include the children's museum and a daycare-he's amazing with kids). He is still a difficult child to some degree but we are proud of how far he has come.

    easy child is a senior in college. Suffers from anxiety and depression but fighting it head on. She wants to be a therapist specializing in adoption therapy.
     
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  8. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Your posts give me hope. In the thick of it. Ugh!
     
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  9. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    I can't tell you how your posts brought tears to my eyes. So many of you were my day to day social circle and life preservers. I don't think I'll ever be a regular deep hearted friend in the face to face world. None of it compares to the shared friendships/family I had here.
    Pigless, I just shared that tidbit of advice again recently. LOL. It really ended up being the best way to share info. I'm glad you are well. It's nice to hear you are getting into farming. I bought a hunk of land in horse country. No horses for me but I do have 3 really big spoiled dogs. : )
    Sharon, I see you on fb. I can not even believe your 2 are doing so well. I can believe it. You threw yourselves into being the best parents you can be for their particular sets of problems. Congrats and enjoy the fruits of your labor. Being a therapist is a good way for her to give back.

    Kathy, I am really so happy and hopeful for you. She really gave you a tough time. Hugs.I'm tickled about easy child. I love Colorado and hope to spend more time there. We drive up to dahlonega occasionally on the weekends. I'm in Milton. Just went up to Jasper and Yonah Winery crushfest this past weekend. Hope you have good luck on the house. I'm still finishing up a 4 yr remodel on a house that had been abandoned for 10 yrs. I feel your pain. I have fond memories of meeting you and your husband for breakfast. : )

    Littlelostboy, my son hasn't been as improved as I prayed but not as bad as I feared. His issues were different from your son's but disabling just the same. The damage to families from a challenging child is a catastrophe. My easy child was affected, the aunts and uncles were affected, needless to say my husband and I had to work on things. It is a weight that doesn't ever go away but it changes. Some improve but many become a little less intense. You aren't the first and you aren't the last and there are no winners. Just survivors in varying degrees. I'm sorry for your fear, pain, embarrassment and anger. Don't you just want to pick them up and shake them until their teeth rattle. Not that we do that but it was my fantasy many a day. You sure aren't alone.
     
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  10. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Chris, thank you for your words. I did and continue to love the time I spent here.
     
  11. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    I just logged in after being away from my computer for a whole week -- and lo and behold! Fran is here! It is wonderful to "see" you Fran -- I am one of the people who was looking for you and couldn't find any way to get in touch with you. I am happy to hear that you are OK and were not affected by the hurricane. You sound so calm and good, Fran. We are fine. My difficult child has been in Australia for the past 7 years, which is wonderful for me on a day to day basis because he doesn't disturb me, but on the other hand as the years go by he is coping less and less well. I thought he would "find himiself" when he decided to be so independent and take himself to the other side of the world, but every time he starts something -- a new job or some sort of business project -- I don't know, as soon as it looks as if it is going to go well, something happens to him and it (or he) flops. I have twice been to Australia to spend some time with him, both times it was just wonderful spending time with him, but now he is once again in a depression. Still, he is on his own, we have helped him a bit (sent him some money, what else?), but have told him "no more." We need it for our old age. We are no longer youngsters ourselves.

    All my other children are fine. The one I used to call the "old difficult child" finally got married and within four years has had four children (the oldest not quite four, the baby just one month old!). He is a physician assistant and working and is proof that sometimes they do sort themselves out.

    Thank you so much Fran for posting now. And thank you again for all those years you put so much of your efforts and of your heart into this site. And of course -- thank you for having me at your home that time in Texas, and yes Susie, it was a wonderful evening and so good to meet some of the people here.

    Love, Esther
     
  12. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Sweet Esther, you were such a gift to visit us. Now, you must come to Atlanta where we can sit and talk like older wiser mothers of our children. I am in the country now with peace all around me and many, many trees.
    easy child is in Orlando and although he is safe from the new hurricane, I am a little stressed since we went through Andrew 25 yrs ago. I want him to come home but as an adult I must bite my tongue and let him make his own choices.
    I have no objection of a reunion of some of us of a certain age if and when you come to the states again.

    I am so happy that older difficult child is now tending to the ill and filling the world with beautiful gifts.
    I understand about difficult child. I sometimes feel like an ATM machine. He rises and falls in spirits based on the latest success or catastrophe. I don't believe he will ever come into his own as I had hoped. He lives in Texas and also goes through some depression and goes through many,many jobs. He is happiest when he doesn't work and can "play" with his buddies and toys. Then he is angry that he garners no respect in this world as if you don't need to earn respect. Ugh! We have to worry of what will become of them when we are gone but I haven't found a perfect solution. I hope you and your husband stay well and get many, many years of a child free, difficult child free retirement.

    Esther, I have remodeled an old neglected house. I have a Shlomi, an Ari, an Avi, a Shi and a few other names. All from Israel. They have been wonderful to work with. I now recognize the accent and they have come to know me. I never have to wait for a return phone call.

    We must keep in touch.
     
  13. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Fran - glad to hear you are safely tucked away in GA and very glad to hear youngest will be safe from Irma.

    My G.F.G. turned into a self-supporting law-abiding citizen. Success, LOL! He's actually turned into a pretty phenomenal person, and I could not be prouder of him. He's living several states away and... well, he's just awesome. I miss him like crazy but am glad he spread his wings.

    Weeburt also finally spread his wings (we kinda had to nudge him out of the nest) and is also living several states away (opposite direction of G.F.G.). I think he's still trying to figure out what he wants to be when he grows up, but at least he's working on it now. I also miss him like crazy. It somehow never occurred to me that my boys would leave me! ;)

    Diva is a sophomore in college now. She's headstrong, opinionated, and never wrong - just like her mother. ;) It's been good to watch her start defining her life - she's always made such very good choices.

    Hubby and I are also contemplating what retirement will look like, even though we've a few years to go. All we know for sure is that it will not be in IL. Services for Boo (who is very healthy and happy here at home) will play a big part in our decision - I fell in love with Tucson when Diva looked at a school out there, and AZ is a great state for folks with disabilities (at least on paper). Who knows? Like you, we worry about when we're gone. The current plan isn't ideal - hopefully we'll live long enough to come up with a better one.

    I have many many fond memories of you. You and that group of ladies who sustained this board 15 years ago helped me survive, and I will always hold you close in my heart.
     
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  14. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Fran, it was wonderful to read your post. At last! Contact with Fran! It has been such a long long time.

    I haven't got any plans to visit the US, but who knows? If I win the Lotto, maybe I will come. At the moment any travel plans are in the direction of Australia, and you can imagine, it is rather a large outlay since it is a very very long journey -- two long plane trips, either via Hong Kong or via Bangkok. It sounds very romantic, but all I do is hang around inside the airport for several hours, until my connecting flight. However, it is always worth it to get to see Oriel. He is genuinely happy just to see me and to spend quality time with me, and it is mutual. I find that when I am alone with him on his home turf, he is good company and happy to show me around and show me how at home he is in Australia. And then of course there is also always the added thrill and pleasure of seeing Marg and Marg's Man. Oriel has taken me to their home twice now, and feels at home with them and with their "difficult child" and they get on quite well together.

    And all that is thanks to you and to the board (and to Abbey of course).

    Luckily, although I am sooooo old (72 now), I am still working. I get books and magazines to proofread, which is something I can do at home in my own time, and it suits me well and provides me with a source of income so I can plan travelling!!!!

    I am very very happy to hear about Shlomi, Avi, Ari and Shai. Yes, some of our kids can be very very pleasant and I am happy that they are being good ambassadors for our country.

    Please send my love to your husband and your younger son, both of whom I met when I was with you in Texas.

    By the way, Oriel still absolutely adores Tupak Shakur!!!!! He learned a lot of his English from listening to the rappers over and over again. Today his English is completely fluent, after 7 years in Australia.

    Looking forward to more contact with you,

    Love, Esther
     
  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    So great to hear from so many of the "old-timers"!

    Esther, I am sorry that your son keeps floundering. Hopefully someday he will figure out what willmake him truly happy. I didn't realize that you are the same age as my mother - she just had the same birthday! Congratulations! Not strangling a husband for so long is quite an accomplishment! I keep telling my mother this. It makes my father laugh and laugh. He knows it is true. He is a retired junior high teacher with no one to tell what to do but my mother.

    How are Marg and Marg's Man doing? I often think of them, but hope their lack of presence here is a sign they are doing well. And that their tribe are doing well. If/when you contact them again, tell them that I said hello!

    Fran, we did have a time with Wiz. But it makes where we are today so much more amazing! I truly think without this forum I would only have 1 or 2 children living today. No joke. So I don't take this for granted ever. That is how bad it got. And we survived and thrived!

    Jessie is now working part time at a funeral home. She has health problems we are still trying to figure out, but we are making real progress. Tyler is a senior in high school! He wants to be either an engineer or an accountant or a physicist. He has the grades (all A's) and the drive to do it all. He just goes ahead and does what he needs to. He is so incredible, and has no clue. It is pretty cute to watch. He thinks he isn't popular, but he has all these kids who run up everywhere we go to say hi and talk, many of them girls. He doesn't even realize that most of those girls would LOVE to go out with him. You can tell by watching them flirt and him just not see it. Funny thing is that he is now working at our local university, so even the college girls are flirting with him.
     
  16. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Is this a nick name or the male version of my name?? :)
     
  17. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    I don't know what your "real" name is. Oriel is the name of my difficult child -- male child. We live in Israel and it is a Hebrew name.

    Love, Esther
     
  18. FranP

    FranP New Member

    I love you guys and really have such fond memories of all the heart you all had for your children. I'll try to visit here more often. You would think that without children I would have more time but I must be slower.
    Slsh, wow! Amazing.
    Susie star, remember visiting with Steph, esther and a few others at my house in Plano?