An ugly respite weekend.....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, Mar 31, 2008.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I rec'd a very ugly call from a respite parent regarding the going's on over the weekend at the respite house.

    Apparently there were some provocative & unclothed behaviors between the girls along with pictures taken by camera. As I haven't seen the pictures (don't want to) I don't know which children were involved.

    Let it be known, this father was not very happy & of course my daughter was at fault. How he got my phone number I'll never know. I asked him to call the respite provider & report this; he told me he had called the police instead.

    Fine, I'll call & report this to the respite provider along with my case manager, kt's therapist's & psychiatrist. CYA! This guy wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise - I finally hung up & blocked his number from my phone.

    Now, why respite staff wasn't watching these girls I'll never know - there will be an investigation as there were time stamps on the photos so there should have been supervision.

    Why, when the photo developers saw the content, they not only developed these photos but didn't report the content to the police & released them as well.

    All in all, a very ugly respite weekend - kt has been emotional & just plain weird but not talking since she returned home from respite.

    I doubt I'll hear from CPS or the police - I'm more worried about kt; what may have happened. I'm worried that her early childhood sexual trauma is finally rearing it's very ugly head.

  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    How upsetting. When you have a child at respite you should be able to trust that they will be well supervised and safe. I've about had it with parents whose children never have any fault in anything.

    Prayers for kt and you tonight.
  3. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I'm so sorry this has happened and the other jerk dad dealt with it that way. Many hugs.
  4. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I am SO sorry. That is horrible!

    Really, where do parent's get their nerve? His daughter is perfect? And that is why she was in a respite setting!

    Sending big hugs!
  5. tammyjh

    tammyjh New Member

    So sorry about the goings on over the weekend and that you had to hear about it in that way from the other parent:dissapointed:
  6. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I'm sorry. I know how hard and traumatic this is. I hate, hate, hate the bastards who do such horrific things to our little ones. There is no punishment to fit the crime in my mind.

    Honestly, better that the sexual trauma rear now than when she is 16 or 17. She has more time to work through it and maybe save herself some pain when she's a little older.

    HUGS to both of you.
  7. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    Linda, are you sure it was a film camera? Not digital? I would be worried the pics have been uploaded if I were you.
    I have found some risque photos on my difficult children camera. Nothing that reveals anything, just very seductive looking. It is just terrible what these kids think is OK to put out there.

    I am sorry for this situation. I think you have your focus in the right place. On kt and what is going on insider her mind right now. I truly wonder if she started it. My gut tells me no, but I do not know kt.
  8. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Linda, I'm so sorry about this situation, and the manner in which you heard about it.This really is the pits. It is an outrage that this was going on at respite, where are children are supposed to be safe and supervised.

    Saying prayers for you and kt.
  9. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    According to the police department, these pictures were NOT taken on a digital camera. The police were going to follow up on who had access to these photographs (at the development store) & the owner of the camera & check electronics for possible uploads. Ugly - don't even want to go there.

    In the meantime, we continue to watch kt - her in home therapist is due in today; I'm waiting for a follow up call from her attachment therapist (who also specializes in early childhood trauma) to get her take & when we can get in this week. As this is a done deal, so to speak, husband & I haven't brought up the phone calls or the trouble at respite this past weekend. In home therapist felt that would be best until she is there or we can get into kt's other therapist. I hardily agreed as I'm not sure how to even approach this other than a boundaries & respect/safety issue for kt & the other child involved.

    Thank you all for your support & the shoulder to lean on....I kind of knew as puberty hit we would see issues. I was hoping it wouldn't happen - that we had with all the therapy to date, kind of taken care of these things. Ah, well......
  10. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Yuck! These stories just leave me feeling sick. How do we protect them from themselves let alone other creeps?
    Are you going to talk to her about this? Or did you already? I hope she deals with it in reality and can push through it...
    I was talking with husband about the whole putting your photos on film,phones, digital etc.
    The girls "Uncle" owns a snowboard shop in town, not on the point but one of their former employes and sponsers is now an Olympian, and X-game winner, One of the Holland boys!!!
    But with this has brought all kinds of "issues" and Uncle T is kind of wild... but we love him...
    He tells us stories of the VERY young girls who come in and will DO ANYTHING... to get ski/snowboard/skateboard stuff... or want to be a part of that life. On his Myspace page he has had to block photos... I tried to put up a photo of K wakesurfing... NO.
    He says even his employees, the girls, just don't care, 16-20's they have risque photos... and they all think it is NO big deal to perform oral sex... that is "Not really" sex.
    We are in a small town... but the pressure is still here. I don't think we realize how bad it is for some kids, and they think it is no big deal and will not come back to haunt them... so sad.
    Even T's "girlfriend" has video of her doing things... I asked her why... It was no big deal! SHe is 21.
    And these kids are NT's???
  11. Penta

    Penta New Member

    I'm not sure how much this will help, but this photo issue of suggestive poses and nudity seems to be something that is not all that unusual for typical teens, as well. I have had friends who are parenting their grandchildren tell me about similar events that they discovered with their teens using cell phone cameras. These grandparents immediately took the phone away and moved the teen's computer to a public room in their house. Somehow, for kids today, not much is off limits, in their minds. I think our media culture exposes kids to too much too early.

    I'm sorry kt had to go through early childhood trauma again. Just being a teen is hard enough.
  12. Star*

    Star* call 911


    Sorry I didn't see this before. (Having my own child in dire straits due to lack of supervision at group home problems) to the tune of 15 years in prison perhaps.

    You know - It makes me so angry that I want justice. So I have called all the places that SHOULD be monitoring and it's like tennis - ball here - there, here, there - no one wants to take responsibility and when it ALL BOILS DOWN TO the bottom of the kettle? I'm told ULTIMATELY the kids are responsible.

    I want that in writing - seriously - kids with mental health issues IN placement and respite FOR serious mental health problems - but everything that happens without supervision is THEIR fault?

    (rolls eyes and draws hand over face_ urge to scream)

    I'm sorry for your trouble - poor kid. Dude acted out for a while then went into denial about being abused... Now he is somewhere in between "I should talk to him (biodad) and I hate him."

  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    I am so very sorry. I think it is a good idea to wait for one of the tdocs to help navigate this minefield. I wonder where the adults were when this happened?

    hugs to all of you. I know it will be hard to send her to respite after this. Hard to trust the respite providers, I mean.

    What on EARTH was the film developer thinking??? There are laws about this.

    Sending hugs and prayers that kt can heal from this, &/or learn from this.