Sheila
Moderator
Im reading a book on adoption issues. It has some stuff on typical-teens. (How sad is it that my research has been limited primarily to disorders, and I know very little about typical teenage boys?)
But, this passage reminded me of the site, e.g., another form of detaching. I like the riptide analogy.
It also served to alert me that difficult child is developmentally on-target in this area. Bittersweet in a way....
Choose Your Battles Wisely. You May Have to Lose Some Battles to Win the War.
The teenagers job description is to challenge authority, test values and create his own credibility/competence, often by belittling that of his previously accepted experts: his parents. He will create conflict in the process of these endeavors, and the wise, secure adult knows when to engage in conflict and when to let it slide. If the youths baiting behavior does not endanger himself or others, adults may wisely allow natural consequences of poor choices (if you dont turn in your homework, you have to attend summer school) serve as the most effective teachers. When adults are forced by circumstances to intervene with guidance and protection, they should cool off so that fighting a teenager, like fighting a riptide, is inviting doom. When caught in [a] cross-current, expert swimmers stop struggling. They know they cannot fight their way to shore. They float and let the tide carry them, until they find a firm footing. Likewise, parents of teenagers must flow with life, alert to opportunities for safe contact.
Another tis true passage: Behavior is the language of kids. Some teens are very verbal and can tell the parent exactly what is going on. But there are teens who act out in various ways .
Quotes from: Telling the Truth to Your Adopted or Foster Child: Making Sense of the Past by Keefer & Schooler
Of late, difficult child is quite the pro at "challenging authority." :devil:
Me -- I'm working on the wise, secure adult part....
But, this passage reminded me of the site, e.g., another form of detaching. I like the riptide analogy.
It also served to alert me that difficult child is developmentally on-target in this area. Bittersweet in a way....
Choose Your Battles Wisely. You May Have to Lose Some Battles to Win the War.
The teenagers job description is to challenge authority, test values and create his own credibility/competence, often by belittling that of his previously accepted experts: his parents. He will create conflict in the process of these endeavors, and the wise, secure adult knows when to engage in conflict and when to let it slide. If the youths baiting behavior does not endanger himself or others, adults may wisely allow natural consequences of poor choices (if you dont turn in your homework, you have to attend summer school) serve as the most effective teachers. When adults are forced by circumstances to intervene with guidance and protection, they should cool off so that fighting a teenager, like fighting a riptide, is inviting doom. When caught in [a] cross-current, expert swimmers stop struggling. They know they cannot fight their way to shore. They float and let the tide carry them, until they find a firm footing. Likewise, parents of teenagers must flow with life, alert to opportunities for safe contact.
Another tis true passage: Behavior is the language of kids. Some teens are very verbal and can tell the parent exactly what is going on. But there are teens who act out in various ways .
Quotes from: Telling the Truth to Your Adopted or Foster Child: Making Sense of the Past by Keefer & Schooler
Of late, difficult child is quite the pro at "challenging authority." :devil:
Me -- I'm working on the wise, secure adult part....
