Any ODD parents out there?

[Ash]

My son was recently diagnosed with ODD. He is 6 years old. I am not too comfortable with the diagnosis but after many counselors this is the first one who has diagnosed him with something. Usually they are just perplexed and have no idea what is wrong.

My husband and I both suffer from Anxiety disorders other than that there are really no known mental disorders in my family. I am fairly certain my son suffers from Anxiety he has since he was a baby. He will worry himself enough to almost vomit before man events including doctors visits and theme park visits. He asks repeatedly the details when going to certain appointments and wants to know exaclty what is going to occur and wants me to verify over and over and over that certain things will not occur. It is almost like Obsessive Compulsive disorder but I really think it is the Anxiety in him.

I really don't have anyone to talk to, nobody I know even knows what ODD is. I would love to talk and compare with other parents so that I can feel more comfortable with this diagnosis. His counselor is sending us to a psychiatrist and recommends medication but he is only 6 years old!!

He had a pretty tough time in Kindergarten last year but so far this year is doing alright. Not perfect, but not horrible either. I KNOW he can function correctly when required, my inlaws wont put up with bad behavior and he knows it and acts like an angel with them but he is repeatedly defiant to me and hurts his sister.

Thanks for listening( reading )

 

[TerryJ2]

Hi Ash, welcome!

When I read the subject heading, I thought you were asking if there were any parents who were actually ODD. I was going to reply, I'm not usually ODD, except when I have PMS.

My son is an Aspie and has issues with-anxiety. One thing I do, before we go on a vacation for example, is to look online for the condo or hotel where we are staying and bring up the pictures. A lot of real estate now has virtual tours. I would show him the rooms and he'd ask which one was his, etc. It has really, really helped.

In regard to school, I'm sure you've brought your son to kindergarten b4 school actually starts, to show him the rooms, halls, bathrooms, teachers, etc.
You can do the same thing with a restaurant. This is something that many parents do even with-"regular" kids, to keep them from leaving the table with-o permission and wandering around. It satisfies their curiosity and in your son's case, his fear.

When I take my son places b4 the actual event, I don't berate him and say, "We're going the day b4 so you don't freak out tomorrow." That's just asking for an ODD explosion. I just say, "Because I decided that's what we're going to do. Let's go. Get your shoes on." No more discussion.
Kids like rules. It makes them feel secure. Yes, even ODD kids like rules. Mostly, they like consistency.

What sort of dr diagnosis'd your son? ODD is more of a description of a behavior, by the way. It's not a diagnosis. The diagnosis would be more like anxiety, which could have genetic components, or situational and behavioral components.

I'm guessing that your son argues because it makes him feel more in control. Instead of automatically saying "No," when he argues, you could try saying, "That's a really interesting point. What makes you say that?" Eventually you'll have to prove him wrong (my son is so ODD he once argued that potatoes were wheat, and that I couldn't possibly know anything about Dr. Martin Luther King because I was the wrong age.

I've gotta laugh at some of it ...

 

[Ash]

What sort of dr diagnosis'd your son? ODD is more of a description of a behavior, by the way. It's not a diagnosis. The diagnosis would be more like anxiety, which could have genetic components, or situational and behavioral components.

A Psychologist diagnosed him. He has been in therapy for over a year but the first therapist couldn't get anywhere with him. My son refused to even speak to the guy. He was nice to my son and everything but he just flat out refused to say one word to the man for over 7 months! That is how strong willed he is. The guy said he has NEVER seen a case like it. He said usually kids will break and give in as they get to know someone but not my son. We bribed him with all sorts of things and he never once would talk to the counselor. He would talk to me during counseling but never him so we decided to change it up get a female therapist and went with Play Therapy. We have since been told my son is ODD and that therapy is much more suited for us as parents so we now see her while my son is in school.

I'm guessing that your son argues because it makes him feel more in control. .

He argues EVERYTHING. I mean EVERYTHING. His favorite words are " NO!" and " yes I am" when I tell him he cannot do something. Sometimes this kid is such a joy but many other times it just a headache and a half. Today at the store he threw a block at his sister so I wouldn't let him play blocks anymore and he had to stay with me and shop for clothes and he continued to backtalk and tell me nasty things like " im gonna do what I want" and " yes I am " It took all I had not to pop him on the lips for backtalking but I KNOW it would have just made things worse. We don't spank, we realized long ago it just makes him more angry and less able to control.

 

[TerryJ2]

It took all I had not to pop him on the lips for backtalking

I know the feeling. You just have to tune it out.

Seven mo's is a long time! Have you tried a psychiatrist yet?

 

[susiestar]

There is a LOT of info on the archives and older posts about ADD. Very very few of us believe it has any usefulness as a diagnosis.

Try reading Ross Greene's The Explosive Child and check out the various Love and Logic books at www.loveandlogic.com. Dr. Doug Riley's What your explosive child is trying to tell you is another hugely helpful book for many of us.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is an anxiety based/related/driven disorder, FYI. You may want to check into sensory integration disorder - many kids with anxiety issues have sensory issues. Look for The out of symc child and the out of sync child has fun - Im having finger problems today so caps are hard, sorry.

if one of my kids had such a strong reaction to someone that they wouldn't talk to them for seven mos i would start wondering what they were picking up that I couldn't. Never would have said it but my daughter despised a psychiatrist and we moved her to another one because she rarely reacts like that and had never been alone with-the guy. A couple years later he skipped town the night before he was to turn himself in for sex abuse charges and embezzlement and medicaid fraud. I felt blessed my daughter picked up on it and we changed. The practice was BIG and BUSY and the patients in the waiting room I spoke with/saw did not seem any different than in any other psychiatrist waiting room.

Your son may be unusually stubborn or he may have just sensed something that really bothered him, or maybe he thought you would stop dragging him to these appts if he just didn't talk. He CAN learn and grow past that point.

 

[BusynMember]

Does he have trouble talking to anybody else outside of the family?

 

[joneshockey]

Ash~
I don't have many reccomendations for you, but I wanted to lend my support. I have a 4 yr. old son who also has been diagnoised with ODD, ADHD and Mood Disorder not otherwise specified. He also has extereme difficulty with anger and aggression towards me and his brother as well as many challenges at school. He also is able to be an angel at daycare as well as with his grandparents. My theory is this, they spend so much energy on being good other places that once they are home and feel safe that they act their worst! I took him to a psychatrist back in July and they did put him on a medication - it has helped greatly on the severity of the episodes and has gone from 10-15 bouts with aggression daily to around 3-7. Definately not perfect but much easier to handle. Hang in there and know that you have found a WONDERFUL group of people who understand what you are going through!

Cindy

 

[Ash]

Thank you all so much for all of your help and support. I feel so overwhelmed and confused right now. I have read a lot on this forum about ODD and I see now that it isn't really helpful as a diagnosis in itself. I will discuss this with the therapist on the 8th when I go. She feels that therapy really won't help my son as much as teaching me and my husband how to parent will, so she has started counseling us instead while he is at school.

I wanted to reply to a few things that have been posted to me since my last post so here goes:

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is an anxiety based/related/driven disorder, FYI. You may want to check into sensory integration disorder - many kids with anxiety issues have sensory issues.

I am going to check into this. My son has never been a cuddler or hugger. Actually he HATES being touched. He has hit before when friends at school have touched him. He is very lovable if it is his idea to love, but if someone touches him and he isn't expecting it he has angry outbursts. Any parent notice this with their child too?

Does he have trouble talking to anybody else outside of the family?

Yes, he has always had trouble opening up and talking to adults. Children he is very outgoing and will approach almost any new child, but adults he is very quiet and reserved and shy. Someone once suggested physical abuse but that has since been ruled out, thank goodness! He is very independent though, he has never given us trouble going to school or to church functions and he wants to always do things on his own. He has always seemed older and wiser than his age. He developed very early and was talking by 10 months, something his doctor said was out of the ordinary. He was also 5 weeks premature and was only 4 pounds at birth.

Cindy, thank you so much, and thank all of you as well. Sometimes, although I don't wish any of you trouble with your own children it feels better to know I am not alone. Nobody in my real life really understands and they just think my son is bad or is a product of bad parenting. It really upsets me sometimes.

 

[Ash]

Cindy, I forgot to ask how is the Risperdal working? We are going to see a Psychiatrist in the next few weeks and were told this was something that my son may be given.

 

[odd&adhd-family]

My husband and I both suffer from Anxiety disorders.... He asks repeatedly the details when going to certain appointments and wants to know exaclty what is going to occur and wants me to verify over and over and over that certain things will not occur. It is almost like Obsessive Compulsive disorder but I really think it is the Anxiety in him.

I feel like I'm reading my own story a bit while reading your post, as many of us here likely can relate to the daily battles with ODD in our children.

My son also wants to know ALL the details of any Dr. appointment. and God forbid they throw us a surprise. The psychiatrist pricked his finger last year at the beginning of the appointment. and needless to say, the 30 minute screaming and crying fit that followed amazed and appalled the staff. They knew he had ODD already. NO SURPRISES! I don't know what they were thinking! After seeing my son's reaction last year the psychiatrist said they've never seen any child go into such a fit like him and they didn't know what to do with him. Apparently they didn't consider his ODD as an important part of his treatment, where they faltered.

This year for his checkup I called and found out what to expect this time, and I've told them make that finger-prick part, which they're requiring, at the absolute end. I also suffer from anxiety, a long running family trait, so I imagine my son also feels this type of severe anxiety, too.