I approached my difficult child's counselor for alternative ideas in place of those charts because our difficult child is 12 and she already complains that we treat her like a little kid. I figured that something like that would only make it worse. So, I simply asked if there was another technique that had basically the same concept, and she referred me to a book....
"How to make your children mind without losing yours" and it is based on the "reality discipline" concept. It focuses on "encouragement and natural consequences" techniques instead of the normal and common "rewards and punishment" techniques. I was a little leary of such things as I began reading the book, but the farther I have dove into it, the more the things in it make sense. And it can even be used on younger kids as well...
This is not a book that is SPECIALLY centered around handling particularly difficult children, but the things he says could certainly be applied to our difficult child's and some of the things he mentions trying seem like they would really work to get our difficult child to do the things that are expected of her WITHOUT making her explode at every little request. And the neat thing that I like most about it is that it works for all kids, so you aren't trying to use several different techniques for your children depending on which one you are dealing with at the moment. Not only does this save your sanity because you aren't trying to keep track of who's method is who's, but also because if all the children in your house are are being managed equally and using the same system, there will not be as many issues with "not fair" that one child gets something the other doesnt, or that you are more strict on one child than the other. A child's perception is their reality, and if they perceive that they are not being treated the same as their sibling, beit the easy child or the difficult child, there will be complications surrounding that difference. This method seems to bring together all types of children to be raised in equal expectations, rules, and responsibilities.
Give it a shot, can't hurt anything and if you don't agree with it, then pretend you never seen it, and try to forget that I am the one that suggested it... I would rather not be responsible for sending you on a wild goose chase, but...I figure there is a chance it will work for you, after time, so I figure it has to be worth a shot. :smile: Huges!!!!