http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/22347794/ This is an old msnbc blurb but there is still a lot of wisdom in this mans words and interview. A particular standout phrase was Are parents to blame? (you'd have to read the entire article but) Not that long ago I would have assumed that Fiona must have done something terribly wrong to cause her daughter to respond in such a dramatic way. My training as a psychologist taught me that the problems of the adult child can always be linked to some form of mistreatment from the parent. While this is often true, it doesnt hold for all families. And when it is true, its often a far more complex picture than most therapists and self-help authors realize. As I worked with Fiona over the next few months, I came to understand that she had been a reasonable and conscientious mother. As her story and others illustrate, it is possible to be a devoted and conscientious parent and still have it go badly. You can do everything right and your child can still grow up and not want to have the kind of relationship with you that you always hoped youd have. You can do everything right, and your child may still end up with a drug problem that costs you thousands of dollars and endless heartache. You can do everything right and your child may still choose the kind of friends or partners that you never imagined she would have chosen because these people seem so lost and are dragging your child into losing more. You can do everything right and your child can still fail to launch a successful adulthood despite being gifted and talented or possessing an IQ that most people would kill for.Very few of us escape feeling guilt toward our offspring. It may be part of our evolutionary heritage, a way that nature hardwires us to stay sensitive to them, even after theyre grown. And some parents are responsible for transgressions that are harmful to their children: child abuse, incest, neglect, and alcoholism are a few of the more egregious examples. However, whether the parenting mistakes are subtle or serious, real or imagined, todays parents are completely confused by their childrens failures and accusations. They need guidance and support for themselves, not more advice about their children.how he talked about parents who had done things to the best of their abilities and it still wasn't enough to keep their kids from drugs, to have their children made good choices for themselves, to have a close meaningful relationship, despite all their hard work it (the relationship with their adult children) just wasn't there. This book talks about how we STOP getting advice on our kids and how to START getting advice on how to heal US. I felt it worthy of a post, and if anyone has a copy I'd like to know. I'm going to check the local library too.