Here is a quote by an ADHD doctor Kenny Handelman from his blog on the importance of one on one time. The question is what do you do next , do you try to generalize the ' working with dynamic ' of one on one time , promote various cognitive skills by problem solving or try to manipulate behavior with rewards , punishments and praise.
You want to improve your childs behavior, but you dont even know where to start.
You can start by finding something that you can all enjoy (that is non-threatening), so you can just enjoy some time together. Not only can this be fun, but you begin to create some common ground. Not only will it improve your relationship and provide some enjoyment together, but it will make it easier to communicate with one another. This will lead to improvements in behavior and it may even make it easier to enforce rules and rewards
Agreed the most important tool in parenting is the good relationship , the real influence we have over kids , especially in the teenage years , where our power over them is limited, and punishments and rewards give way to reaching understandings.
However my conclusion and yours differs completely
Not only will it improve your relationship and provide some enjoyment together, but it will make it easier to communicate with one another. This will lead to improvements in behavior
and it may even make it easier to enforce rules and rewards when you are working on more complicated parenting approaches.
Why go backwards , why change the dynamic to a win-lose one , why rely on a doing to , manipulative approach to parenting , rewards and punishments , when the one on one time has promoted good communication skills , other cognitive skills, problem solving skills, the ability to reach mutually satisfying solutions. Why not make that one to one communication style part of the interaction and not for the couple of hours a week. The greatest gift a parent can give to a kid , is the relationship , and a relationship means dialog , being understood , having a voice. So many cognitive skills , executive functions, language processing skills , conitive flexibilty, social skills, emotional regulation skills are taught on the jo by parents if they have a working wioth relationship. Then there is the question of the long term effectiveness of rewards and punishments, they dont generalize, and rewards have a negative effect on intrinsic motivation. See Alfie Kohns Punished by rewards - Unconditional Parenting and of Ross Greenes The explosive Child. Russel Barkley tries very hard to justify the token economy system , ADHD kids lack intrinsic motivation. By upping the extrinsic motivation , the kid will be deprived of enjoying their intrinsic reward and developing intrinsic motivation.
The success of a program depends on this first step, then why not go forward ?