Triedntrue
Well-Known Member
I agree wholeheartedly go do something fun dont let her attempted manipulation work and make sure she knows it didn't work. Take pics and post them on facebook.
Apprehensive
- Thread starter SarahRose
- Start date
SarahRose
New Member
I'm in Australia, so we've just finished Good Friday, and the family get together is over...A few hours after it concluded, difficult daughter sent me a short friendly email and some ultrasound pics of the baby, acting like nothing ever happened. This is typical of her. Treats a person like garbage and does No Talkies, then when she feels like chatting again, acts cheerful like nothing ever happened, and I'm supposed to jump to attention and act like nothing ever happened too, and comply........Well, not this time. She doesn't get to manipulate me anymore. I will wait a few days and reply in my own good time. I'm still enjoying my break from her drama......This isn't to 'punish' her, nor am I angry. But I'm not going to be kept on the end of a string anymore.
SarahRose
New Member
Well, I did delay 2 days in answering her email, and then sent her a VERY lovely email. But she was angry because I delayed two days in answering her, so is now not speaking to me again. And so it goes on. I have to admit I like the peace. She is no longer phoning every afternoon to angrily and swear for two hours, about all the people who tick her off.....I don't miss that. Life is peaceful, at least for now.
SarahRose
New Member
Hi, I haven't wrote for a while, as I've been pretty sick this year and I have been struggling with a lot of pain...My narcissistic daughter is due to have her baby next month, and is still not talking to me. I've text her a few times, but she ignores me. I phoned once, but she ignored it and then sent a message, basically dismissing me...... I don't know what to do next month when she has her baby. I don't know whether to visit her in the hospital or not. I sent a text asking her what she wanted me to do, and she ignored that as well. I feel like I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't. I have a knot in my stomach about the whole thing.
I think you have to be willing not to be a part of your grand child's life. If she knows you are desperate, she will use it against you for the next 18 years. But, you can decide what you will do if she blocks you out.
My suggestion would be to set up a savings account for the child, and the money you would have spent on birthdays and Christmas can be deposited. Send a card addressed to the child (and the mom on he birthday) and stay in the background.
Even if she lets you back in the circle, guard your heart. I am sorry you have to live like this. Ksm
My suggestion would be to set up a savings account for the child, and the money you would have spent on birthdays and Christmas can be deposited. Send a card addressed to the child (and the mom on he birthday) and stay in the background.
Even if she lets you back in the circle, guard your heart. I am sorry you have to live like this. Ksm
toughlovin
Well-Known Member
Wow your daughter sounds extremely difficult and I really feel for you. Of course you are worried about your future grandbaby. The thing is you cant do anything for him/her unless you are in good shape yourself so your first priority is to take care of yourself in this situation. So this means having very clear and firm boundaries. Be clearwith yourself what you will and wont do for your daughter. You dont need to spell it out for her but I think you need to think about situations ahead of time so when they come up you are prepared. For example if things go south with her husband....you know she will call. doesn’t sound like her living with you is a good option at all. You already know you are willing to watch the baby somtimes but not as a regular childcare person etc.
I suspect once the baby comes your daughter will be in touch because she will want your help. That might be a good thing.... but again you will need to watch because she is sure to try to manipulate and take advantage of you. I think you will end up having a relationship with your grandbaby because we all know raising children is a lot of work and your daughter is going to want help....so the thing is to make sure it is on your terms.
It is sad that on this site we all know about adult kids who manipulate and try to take advantage of us..... but we sure understand. Let us know what happens.
TL
I suspect once the baby comes your daughter will be in touch because she will want your help. That might be a good thing.... but again you will need to watch because she is sure to try to manipulate and take advantage of you. I think you will end up having a relationship with your grandbaby because we all know raising children is a lot of work and your daughter is going to want help....so the thing is to make sure it is on your terms.
It is sad that on this site we all know about adult kids who manipulate and try to take advantage of us..... but we sure understand. Let us know what happens.
TL
SarahRose
New Member
Thank you both, for responding so quickly. I think her silence has made it clear she does not want me to visit her at the hospital after she gives birth. I will no longer feel guilty for not visiting.....Some months ago, she made a big deal of inviting her dad along to one of the ultrasound scans, but not me...He told me that the very day she had her falling out with me, she picked up the phone and called him and was sugary sweet and made up with him. Before that, she was threatening him that he'd never see his grandchild..(this was because he pulled her up for being rude to his wife).....My daughter has married into money, and is always threatening to move across the country to live near her very wealthy in-laws. She often hates her mother-in-law, but when her mother in law is generous with monetary gifts, my daughter instantly loves her....My daughter also fights with her own husband, makes him feel guilty like the fight was his fault, then he rushes out and buys her expensive clothes and holidays.....I have heard back via her sister and friends that my daughter hates being pregnant, hates the baby moving inside her, and what it's doing to her figure. I worry for the child, as my daughter has no patience and her moods change so suddenly that everyone walks on eggshells around her.........At this point, my daughter has no need of me. I am expendable. I'm of no further use to her...........I've given it a lot of thought, and I won't run after her anymore. KSM, I think you are right. I have to be willing not to be a part of my grandchild's life. Interestingly enough, my ex husband told me a few months ago, that he and his wife had had to come to the same place, be willing not to be a part of their grandchild's life. She'd put him through hell and he'd been shocked and said "I think she's a sociopath" He said he wouldn't run after her, anymore.....I'm also quite ill, and not really up to all her shenanigans......At least I'm being spared, being yelled and sworn at, and talked down to like I'm stupid and beneath her, and her smashing my home and belongings. I simply couldn't cope with that, nowdays. .......I've decided to let go. I'm still here if she ever changes her mind, but I've let go.
