as a parent do you ever get depressed with a difficult child?

[chrissygal74]

my difficult child is a very creative child. a very challenging child. But there are days when i just don't want to deal with him. he is only 9 years old and has ADHD. I want to cry everyday because this job is so hard. am i alone. sometimes i feel like i am. Ex doesn't care about his progress. Stepfather does the best he can. i don't know what to do about my emotional health. any suggestions?

 

[Sunlight]

Of course we get depressed! it is a nightmare at times, a parenting experience we never signed up for! more often than not one parent backs out while the other parent is fighting for their sanity and seeking solutions.

if stepdad is doing the best he can, perhaps you can take some comfort there. I would join a grp of parents in person, a support grp you can get out to, so you know you are not alone. I would tag team with stepdad if he is willing. if you need it, I would get some medications for you and or him to help deal with it.

so sorry to read of your pain. My son is 23 and I am sick of the years of it. your son is young and you will have to also be creative in signing him up for play grps, whatever you can to get a break. worry less about the house and cooking, make life simple where you can.

 

[chrissygal74]

My difficult child is also violent toward everyone in the house. for a while i would fear for everyone's safety. his doctor prescribed adderall and strattera but the strattera doesn't seem to do any good either. he has been on so many combinations of medications it seems like were never going to get him to a place where he is tolerable to be around. i won't even go on vacations with my son and i feel so guilty for not doing it. I have seen the good side to my son. He can be wonderful when you least expect it. but that happens rarely. His view of women bothers me to. He degrades women and girls and he is only 9 years old.

i love my son but there are so many days when i don't like him very much and it shouldn't be that way.

i was told that his evironment doesn't have alot to play in his behavior but i don't believe that. we live where being a thug is glorified and i know that he needs to be in a better neighborhood. Does anybody agree with me? I don't think that it is ALL medically related.

 

[lizinmd]

Hey Chrissy, welcome from another newbie ... just wondering, did you have a psychiatrist evaluate your son or did your pediatrician prescribe adderall and strattera? If it's the pediatrician, then my advice is get thee to a pyschiatrist. As far as I know, adderall and stratera are only for attention ... there are better things out there for aggression then those two. We are trying depakote and I have high hopes =) Best, Liz

 

[Suz]

Hi Chrissygal---welcome!

Yes, of course we get depressed! Who would have chosenthis life? Not me! And surely not our difficult children either. :frown:

As for your emotional health, a couple of ideas:

1. Tag-team parenting. Have ex or stepdad take over for awhile. Go to the mall. Take a walk. Nap. Do whatever it takes to replenish your soul. If ex or step won't cooperate, hire a babysitter. I'm not kidding.

I used to get up an hour earlier every morning when my son was young. That hour was precious to me because it was my only hour to myself. If Rob woke up, I handed him a snack and sent him back to his room. Nothing and no one disturbed that hour.

2. Date your husband. No talking about difficult child while on your date---it's only about the two of you. Preserve your marriage.

I'm going to move this thread to our General forum. This one is for parents of kids who are over 18 or have left the home. In General you will be surrounded by more folks who are in your same place and can also offer hugs and support.

I'm glad you found us!

Suz

 

[Hound dog]

In my opinion envioronment plays an important role in a child's life. But you can raise good kids in a horrible neighborhood. I've done it. I'm sure there are others. I agree though that it makes your job much tougher.

Welcome to the board.

Hugs

 

[Kjs]

Suz..I like #2. I want a date. It's been 12 years since we have done anything alone together. Never since he has been born. I know difficult child means the whole world to husband, and husband is blind when it comes to his behavior, or lack of. I would love for husband to want me to go on a date with. Heck..I would settle for a hug. I do believe it's been years for that also. husband's choice of a date would be difficult child.