Back from Fla and visiting mom


New Member
This has been an extremely difficult week. I just got home last night and I'm trying to pull myself together.

My mom is still hanging on and I don't know how. When we got there to see her on Monday night I didn't even recognize her. She looks so old and she isn't eating at all and just takes a few sips of liquid here and there. She looks so old and has lost so much weight. Between the cancer and the medications she is very confused and doesn't make too much sense when she speaks. They didn't think she was going to make it through the first few days we were there, but she did. I was able to let her know it's o.k. to let go and stop suffering and that we would take care of my dad.

Yesterday I had to say goodbye :frown:

She seemed to undertand we were leaving and we hugged and kissed and told each other we love each other. I told her I wasn't go to say goodbye because I will see her again someday in a better place. It was about the only moment she seemed to really know what was going on.

She is in a lot of pain and it was so hard to see her this way. I can't get the vision out of my head. It's almost hard to believe the women I visited all week was my mother. It didn't help that they dropped her bottom teeth by accident and broke them, then she didn't want her top ones in anymore, so it made her look even older.

I can only pray that she doesn't suffer much longer. It is also so difficult to watch my father see her this way. I felt so bad leaving him yesterday and I feel bad that I can't go visit my mom anymore.

I have read a few of the posts, but don't have the energy to reply right now. Just wanted you all to know I'm home and I'll be checking in when I can.

Thanks as always for being here for me.


Well-Known Member
I'm so sorry, Karen. It was my sincere hope that your Mom would
be pain free under the care of Hospice. Does your Dad have anyone who is taking him out to dinner or for a walk to break the
cycle of watching his spouse fail?

Sending caring hugs. DDD


Well-Known Member
I'm so so sorry Karen. I watched my mother in law go through this last summer and it was so very difficult. I know your heart is aching.

Gentle hugs,


Active Member
so sorry Karen. That had to be the most difficult thing, to say good-bye to your mom. It makes me sad for you.

I'm sorry she is suffering.

You and your family are in my thoughts.


New Member
DDD, he has a few good friends there, including my moms sister, who are keeping him busy and getting him out. His first thoughts were moving back to CT when this is all over, but his good friends are slowly convincing him to stay there which we think would be better for him anyway. Him being here would be easier for us, but we want him to be happy and I think he would hibernate the entire winter. He has been in Florida for over 10 years now and I think that is his home now and he just needs to find a smaller house and stay. He can then come visit anytime he wants to.

I'll keep you all posted.

I'm still reading all of your posts and keeping up with what is going on around here, but I just don't have the mind set to reply right now. Just know I'm thinking of everyone and hopefully during the middle of the week, once I get back to work after being out for 2 weeks (yikes) I'll have some time to respond.


New Member
Forgot to add, as far as the pain free part my dad said they hooked her up to some kind of monitor yesterday to better keep track of her pain level so it doesn't get away from them. She is on 200mg of oxycodone every 4 hours and then can have more in between if needed which seems to come more and more frequently. I hope she doesn't have to suffer much longer.


Active Member
My mother in law and father in law have lived in Florida for over 20 years. Just this past April, my father in law died. We asked my mother in law to come back but she said
"No Way"

She has arthritis in both knees and it is almost impossible to get up or sit down. So we were very worried how she is managing. We went down there for a week in July to check to see how she is doing and she is doing great. She is not alone, she has many friends down there. She is still driving really good. I told her she should be the designated driver of all her friends.

Now for the first time, she is checking into surgery to get her knees fixed. She is 80 and this is worrisome for her, but she realizes if she doesn't do it, she will probably have to come back here to assisted living eventually.

Sometimes when the older people come back they go down hill. But if your dad wants to come back that may be a different story.

Again, I am sorry your mom is so sick and in pain right now.

Take Care,


Well-Known Member
Glad they are actively monitoring her discomfort Karen. It must
make it so much easier being far away to know that she can be
made more comfortable.

I think you're right about your Dad. Ten years is almost like being a "native" of Florida. They say people just can't go back Truthfully the senior community is usually quite close and the only thing in the future to fear for your Dad is
that he will be overwhelmed with caring widows trying to make
him feel better. I'm sure your Mom's sister will keep a steady
eye on him.

I won't forget to remember your family in my prayers. DDD


Well-Known Member
I'm sorry, Karen. I'm glad that she is getting good pain management care. I know that there is no easy way to go through this.