Bah Humbug

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by BloodiedButUnbowed, Dec 18, 2017.

  1. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    The last few months have been a blur. I cannot believe that Xmas is almost here.

    Things on the marriage front have been better lately and I feel more hopeful than I have in a while, which is welcome.

    DS remains incommunicado. We have no idea where he is or what he is doing. He does not return calls or texts. We do not expect to see him for the holidays.

    YS is becoming increasingly angry and hostile toward us. There is a shaky plan for him to spend Xmas morning with us at our home opening gifts. He has not agreed to come over; my wife ordered him to do so. Because of this and his overall putrid attitude, both my wife and I suspect that he will bail. Yesterday he hung up on my wife after less than five minutes on the phone.

    YS is almost done with his outpatient program. After that he will return to his father's full time. Disgustingly, tragically and predictably, things are going back to exactly what they were before YS attempted suicide.

    They don't love us. They don't want to spend time with us. They do so as an obligation with gritted teeth.

    Is it horrible to say our lives would be better without them?

    My biological family is awesome and we will be spending time with them this holiday season.

    I see complete and total estrangement from both stepsons in the imminent future.

    I think ultimately that will be better.

    After all we went through this fall, to see it end like this defies belief. But when considered in the context of the dynamics of the situation it makes perfect sense. It was magical thinking to assume that even an event of this magnitude would really change anything.

    Thank you for listening. It is really helpful to be among others who also will not have a Hallmark holiday with loving, self-actualized, mentally and emotionally healthy children.

    Love to all
  2. HMBgal

    HMBgal Active Member

    I feel your hurting heart. We are all in challenging situations here and I feel thankful for all of us having a place to vent/share/commiserate. And the holidays magnify, well, everything. I'm so sorry about your stepsons. But, life is long and hopefully they will come around as they mature. YS survived; lets hope that time will make him grateful for his life and the people in it. Sometimes you gotta let go or be dragged. I have a large magnet on my fridge that says just that. Hugs to you all.
  3. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

  4. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet


    Don't write the end of the story. I learned that here and I have to remind myself of that almost daily.

    So maybe this Christmas won't be what you all had hoped but that doesn't mean next Christmas won't be! Your stepsons are at that "age" and they will not be that "age" forever. As long as you both reach out and let them know they are loved and wanted, what more can you do?

    It is good that your marriage is on the mend. For now, just take that.

    One day at a time is all we can do.
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  5. JRC

    JRC Active Member

    I'm so sorry. There isn't alot to celebrate with this particular family group on your wife's side. DS, YS and the extended family have managed to really put you both through the ringer. And then crapped on you in the end, too. ((hugs))
  6. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    I am used up, empty, and done with my wife's family, including her children.
  7. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    It is hurtful when those we love reject us. He is young. He has been through a horrendously traumatic experince as a result of his own actions due to his emotional issues. He has not recovered emotionally.
    Enjoy your supportive family. Surround yourself with people and experiences that fill your soul with peace and joy.
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    BB, enjoy YOUR family this Christmas. You are blessed to have them. I hope your marriage continues to improve!